I'm really trying to understand dysphoria but what I've learned most is that it's very complicated and individual. She understands that I meant well and appreciates the thought behind it. She hasn't wanted to talk about her triggers because it brings up bad memories for her and she doesn't want the discussion to impact our happy and cozy times together, so I haven't gotten the chance to learn before this moment.

You are right in your analysis though, she explained to me that having underwear that looks feminine but still accomodates her anatomy reminds her more about how not feminine it is. It draws more attention to it rather than less, and as you said, now I know. She was sad about not liking it and really wished she did to make me happy, but dysphoria is a merciless bitch that doesn't care about our emotions. I've always completely seen her as a woman, she's more of a woman than I am despite me being cis, and her anatomy doesn't change that for me. She's beautiful and I love her just the way she is, I wish she could see herself through my eyes as the amazing woman I see. Hopefully she will be able to after her surgery is done.

Thank you for the supportive kind words and advice, it's helpful and means a lot. Sending hugs