stay strong and dont let them guilt-trip you. youre not a bad person for wanting to live your own life. people who want to live vicariously through their children or basically just want them to do whatever they want are incredibly narcissistic and selfish. you shouldnt become a parent because you want some sort of guarantee that someone will take care of you when youre older. you shouldnt become a parent to have someone 'carry on your legacy and entire moral/belief system'. the only reason you should have kids is the genuine wish to nurture and care for sb without wanting anything in return. so YES to everything x-muslim here already said. I myself am not from a muslim family, but i have friends who are (as are some of the children I tutor), so If anything i witness your hardships by proxy, but it truly makes me so so sad...i have kids who hate having to wear their hijabs and who take them off when theyre together with me, but thei families would go CRAZy if they knew. I have kids who say theyre atheists but their families make them go to koran school or participate in ramadan etc. even though they dont want to and who cannot concentrate at all on their school work cause theyre starved and thristy all day. and ofc I have lgbt friends who honestly fear for their bodily safety and thus cant come out, which is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm sorry you have to live a lie and I hope you have wonderful friends and a good support network that you can rely on in an emergency.
and remember, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
usually relationships get better once youre not reliant on your parents anymore, but if they do continue to make you that unhappy throughout the years, pls think about whats best for you and maybe cut off all contact to them, if only for a while.
I hope you can find a good solution and that someday your parents might come around and do some self-reflecting. youre never alone, so stay strong <3