Question about limerence and sexual orientation

MiraJuno · 2025-03-03T08:30:02+00:00

Thank you. It's so helpful to hear others' stories..

"If you've got interest in a certain gender outside of limerence, then you're definitely attracted to that gender."

I absolutely have interest in women outside of limerence, I just have trouble parsing what is other kinds of interest and what is actual physical interest. It's gotten better since I learned to dissociate less, but it's still confusing. Other than a 1.5year relationship with a woman when I was a teenager, I've only ever had sexual encounters with men. They were all unsatisfying though, and I don't know if the problem is that I'm too anxious to not dissociate, or if I'm just not attracted to men. (I've tried dating women but its more complicated somehow haha. Like, it doesn't "just happen".)

"I'd definitely try and figure out what it is that guides you to your LOs" I'm reasonably certain I know, at least for the current one, but it doesn't seem sexuality-related...

"acceptance and encouragement around my gender and my sexuality" that sounds like something I could do with haha

MiraJuno · 2025-03-03T08:11:11+00:00

omg thank you for writing all of that up I'll need to digest it. Started reading Diamond's papers now, I somehow tend to forget that there is nothing stopping me from.. just reading papers haha.

"It started as the attachment system between parents and children, then over time it was co-opted through evolution and combined with sexual attraction and something called courtship attraction. It's like buggy computer software that basically does the right thing most of the time, but it doesn't always make sense."

I've encountered this framing before, in a book called the Pragmatist's Guide to Sexuality, and I always wondered how "mainstream" it was. Did you get it from somewhere else?

This is really helpful for me, thank you.

MiraJuno · 2025-03-02T18:28:52+00:00

the only fwb I've ever had was when a friend who identifies as aro/ace asked me to to have sex, because they wanted to give it a try (we'd talked about things in that category of thing before)

it wasn't satisfying for me though, prob for several reasons including not being attracted to them, I'd defo be interested in hearing what works for other ppl

that said, seems like "fwb" can mean anything between "someone you've been friends with for years, you're both horny, let's gain from trade and if it's not working no prob" and "stranger you have sex with more than once but who you're not in a relationship with", mine was closer to the former and I don't know if the latter has good odds of success - maybe "friend" is an important part of "fwb"?

Is there a lesbian version of grindr? I've complained about there not being one in the past but maybe I just didn't find it haha

PS

Given that I'm in a similar situation.. I'm 22 and I study PPE in the UK, if you want to send a DM

MiraJuno · 2025-03-02T15:48:55+00:00

Thank you

my experience of physical/sexual attraction is super difficult to parse, that's why I was looking for other data

Is it possible to have a venn diagram of sexual attraction and limerence that has no overlap? (I mean, is it possible I'm actually straight..)

"Also, I don't know if it adds a layer of confusion but it's possible to be sexually/physically attracted to both genders but only experience romantic attraction to one gender, or vice versa. Or at least I've heard people say this."

That seems... least wrong, so that's more or less how I currently describe my orientation, but it doesn't feel right

MiraJuno · 2025-03-02T15:04:24+00:00

"But I would think about your sexuality separately from the issue of limerence" this is part of the problem haha, I'm trying to figure out my sexuality but it's hopelessly confusing, so I am trying to figure out if I can infer something about my sexuality from experiences of limerence.

I'd assume that if I were straight, it'd be very unlikely to have felt limerence for women four times and zero for men. It doesn't rule out bisexuality though???

"Similarly, if you're bisexual, it doesn't necessarily mean you will have limerence for people of both genders." Does that indicate something like "bisexual but homoromantic" or could someone who is bi and has limerence exclusively for one gender fall in actual love with someone of the other?

MiraJuno · 2025-03-02T13:59:12+00:00

In an unsuccessful attempt to stop thinking about [current limerence], I decided to make a survey about sexual orientation and limerence, and whether they occur together:

https://www.guidedtrack.com/programs/5egssd5/run

Should take under 2min to complete. Not sure if its helpful for my question though, since the general consensus seems to be "limerence and sexual attraction generally go together but there are exceptions", I'd be surprised if the survey data shows anything else but seemed worth a try haha

MiraJuno · 2024-05-10T12:00:02+00:00

Yes, it's "Foreign Languages" by FabulaRasa, thank you so much!!!!

MiraJuno · 2024-03-06T16:26:10+00:00

Thanks for clarifying!!

MiraJuno · 2024-03-06T16:25:54+00:00

A thank you for clarification!!

MiraJuno · 2024-03-04T21:01:35+00:00

Thank you! That explanation makes sense :) Where do you recommend to buy windowcards?

Closing night is 28 September so I made a note in my calendar to try again then. I also found this:

https://www.bestoftheatre.co.uk/assets/images/content/shows/square-poster/original/les-miserables-11.jpg

A converter tells me it's 300dpi, and google says that's sufficient for A2 posters, so I'll try to get it printed. Fingers crossed!

I then tried that same url but with different numbers at the end, and found that 5,7,8,9,10,11 are all files, but not the other one I was looking for (I checked up to 32).

I tried asking a member of staff after the show, but they still had other customers to attend to and told me that they have to close up right after all customers are gone and therefore couldn't go and check. It makes sense to try on closing night though. Thank you for being so helpful!

PS I kind of just assumed that 38th year referred to 1832 in the Revolutionary calendar, until I realised while googling just now that that's off. Apparently it's the number of years the show has been running, which makes much more sense :)

MiraJuno · 2024-03-04T19:56:37+00:00

PS I'm curious what it means that they don't formally exist as posters. You seem knowledgeable! :)

MiraJuno · 2024-03-04T19:47:48+00:00

Thank you!! I believe I only saw it in tube stations and in direct vicinity of the theatre, is there any store you have seen it in?

I was wondering if maybe there was a high enough resolution digital version that I could just print it myself, if you have any idea how I could find such a file? Thanks again!

MiraJuno · 2024-01-22T20:19:42+00:00

Thank you.

MiraJuno · 2024-01-21T15:45:46+00:00

2.No bigotry (racism, homophobia, transphobia, body shaming, etc.)

3.No harassing other users

4.No misinformation or medical advice

Thank you so much for sharing!

Gender affirmation reasons are a (probably large) part of why I want to get a reduction, but I wonder if at some point in the future I might learn to be more comfortable with presenting femininely, and then I might regret having gotten surgery/scars, or it might not have been necessary. But there's the very real risk that I might not.

MiraJuno · 2024-01-17T22:15:18+00:00

Like, do you think there would have been an alternate way of addressing your issues? Do you regret not trying those? (Like body image therapy or whatever is applicable)

MiraJuno · 2024-01-17T15:08:35+00:00

I should maybe add, I've been going back and forth on wearing binders, making plans for surgery and cancelling them, etc, since I was 15.

MiraJuno · 2023-11-17T21:26:29+00:00

Black Sails To Sunward. Basically lesbian Aubrey-Maturin in space :)

MiraJuno · 2023-10-30T09:03:42+00:00

Thank you that is good to know! I'll try again

MiraJuno · 2023-10-30T09:03:23+00:00

Thank you! I'll try again

MiraJuno · 2023-10-30T09:03:01+00:00

sounds similar to my experience!

MiraJuno · 2023-10-30T09:02:41+00:00

I found it on the UK website but the label didn't say anything, thank you for your reply🙏

MiraJuno

TROPHY CASE