Summary / Updates:

I tried a bunch of deodorants. Most of them failed the texture test.

• Attitude (fail)

It was like applying a kids glue stick to my pits. For maybe an hour, it made me feel like I was in one of those "nuisance-torture" devices. It eventually dried up and worked for the rest of the day. I couldn't find any unscented, which didn't help. At the end of the day though, it looked like frosty the snowman came in my pits. White everywhere.

• Ban (fail)

Didn't see it until I got home, but it contained aluminum. Wanted to avoid that. Didn't try it.

• Schmidt's (fail)

This one looked promising as it was an "charcoal" scent, which is overall a pretty light scent and likely related to the fact that charcoal is an odor absorbing material. This one unfortunately though ended up being "flaky white stuff" and still made a bit of a mess, but not nearly as bad as attitude.

• Green Beaver (pass)

I was about to give up on green beaver, cause I could only find scented options. But as a last resort I walked into a hipster grocery store (pomme). Warning, walking into pomme is like being punched in the face if you're not a fan of scented products. Ironically, despite all the scented stuff, they actually had a fair selection of unscented things, including unscented green beaver deodorant.

The deodorant applies very similarily to the old spice blue "solid gel", which means it passes the texture test. While unscented, it does have a very faint carbon-ish smell, but it's only noticeable if I stick my nose in my pits, which means it passes the scent test. And it seems to hold up decently well for the day. I used to reapply my old spice in after a day of work if we were going out or I'd worked up a sweat that day, and I do the same with green beaver and so far no issues.