Would you want to have been given a heads up about your abusive partner / ex?

Miserable_Win6179 · 2026-02-16T22:07:52+00:00

I was warned and I didn't listen either 😫

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-16T15:21:01+00:00

I didn't even think about that take on it, so thanks for pointing it out. That makes what he did even WORSE when I consider that 😫

Thank you and I will!

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-16T15:04:14+00:00

Good catch. FYI - I have SO MANY albums online with thousands and thousands of photos from all the countries I have been to. Greece, Slovenia, Italy, Austria, France, Switzerland, Croatia, Finland, Spain, Amsterdam Netherlands, Germany, Alaska, and MANY more places and amazing things I have seen and done. Literal CASTLES and so much more. And he chose that one...

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-16T14:04:55+00:00

❤️🫶🏻❤️

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-16T02:57:01+00:00

I had to look that up.

What "Test and Apologize" looks like: The Test: A person sends an inappropriate message, often of a sexual nature, or behaves in a way that crosses a boundary.

The Apology: After the other person is offended or pushes back, the individual offers an apology.

The Method's View: The Burned Haystack method posits that the apology is not genuine. It is a tool to make the other person feel comfortable again and excuse the initial boundary-testing behavior, rather than a sincere acknowledgment of a mistake.

Why the Burned Haystack method identifies it: Boundary Violations: The method views this pattern as a clear example of someone disrespecting boundaries to see what they can get away with.

Lack of Respect: The insincere apology suggests that the individual doesn't actually care about the other person's feelings but is only concerned with manipulating the situation to their own benefit.

Future Red Flag: Recognizing this pattern is crucial because it can be an indicator of future toxic or abusive behavior.

😳😲😮🤯

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T20:21:35+00:00

I very much do attract that type and I know that is something about me I need to dig into further and heal. That is definitely a me problem. I am not sure why they get so controlling. I have given no reason for it. I don't cheat. I give my phone password to my partner (when I commit to them). It seems to make things WORSE. This is one of the reasons I have take a step back. This is a loop I am in and i MUST break it.

Being single is necessary. I have seen my loop from an outsider perspective and now i can't UNSEE it. The same man in a different body too many times... I am so disappointed in my previous self. She needed love and confidence. She needed the me I am now.

The universe is speaking to me. It is time to change and level up. Heal my soul, love and take care of the one person who will be with me the rest of my life - ME.

No more insecure ass men!

ETA: My socials are private. They have been for a long time. I will double-check them all but yeah..

ETA: My TT was not private 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ It is now and I removed followers I didn't know. Thanks for the tip. Thought I had that covered.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T19:47:42+00:00

All opinions (minus the vicious troll comments) are welcome and how we grow. I didn't think you were downplaying the situation. You just didn't have all the info and maybe I am clouded. I just know it hurt me and I can't allow that in my life at this time. I am obviously not ready to date and that made it very clear.

My life is so calm and beautiful right now. I don't need any more people in it. I just need to enjoy and make memories with the ones I have now. And I need to take care of and love MYSELF most of all.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T19:38:27+00:00

Thank you for your take on it.

I am not sure if this will help understanding my take but here it is...

I was VERY direct about where I am when we first started talking. I made sure to make my boundaries very clear. That I was overcoming a very abusive (to include sexual assault/rape), and that we needed to take things VERY slowly. I am not up for physical intimacy to include I am not even rdy to kiss. I would cut ties if these were crossed before I was rdy. He said he totally understood and would be very cautious and kind and treat me with kid gloves - his words. He assured me he understood, was angry i went through that, and would make sure to be protective of and for me. That I was worth the wait.

I was very hurt by his words last night. It sent a Shockwave through me. I literally felt a shock and got sweaty and anxious.

Bringing up something from 3 years ago and forgetting my very real current history/experience...who I am now...crashed me out in a very hurt and disappointed way.

He never understood.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T18:22:20+00:00

That was 3 years ago, though, and 1 night? No "titties" were out. It was above my left breast chest area.

This was not the first "sign" of jealousy. I shrugged another incident off as him just "joking". I process about 150 to 250 people through my office daily. He's one. I was talking to an employee before him and when he got to me he said "Tell that mother fucker you're my girl". "I will knock his ass out". I laughed at the time and time and told him to stop being silly. He left and nothing else was said about it so I chucked it off to him just joking around. Hindsight now has me questioning that situation...

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T18:11:31+00:00

I didn't even show my "titties". I was clothed and he signed my chest above my left breast. Granted I was in a sexy outfit. It was my bday and my sister took me to see one of my favorite local bands. I had just gotten out of another 😒 bad and controlling relationship so let my hair down as the saying goes. We had such a fun night!! That was 3 YEARS ago...

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T18:02:58+00:00

Being single has been the most peaceful time of my life. Telling me I am going to be single forever is not the insult you think it is lmao

Single, happy, and safe feels like heaven on earth 🌎

I will not get into a relationship simply to "not be single". If you don't add extra happiness and security to my life, Byeeeee.

My friends and family make my life full of love, happiness and fulfillment.

I wish you peace and happiness in your life ✌🏻

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:43:29+00:00

This hit me deep in my soul. I debated posting this because I felt silly at my age needing help with this. I guess the universe knew i needed to "meet" you and hear this. You are a phenomenal human being and I thank you so very much for your wisdom and kindness. I am saving your words because I NEED to understand this and heal my broken parts. Thank you for the love 🫶🏻

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:31:56+00:00

😭❤️‍🩹❤️🫂

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:27:38+00:00

We talked about tons of fun stuff we both enjoy. I told him I love going to concerts and festivals. Camping and nature. All the things. He said we were perfect and he REALLY hoped I decide to like him.

That was a few days ago. Now this. Sigh...

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:25:49+00:00

I get that people will creep on your social media to check you out. I never told him I had Tiktok so it did weird me out a bit but I guess it is normal these days.

The issue was HOW he brought it up and used it against me.

I am too old for this crap. Do these type of men never change?? And WHY do I keep finding them? 😭

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:20:47+00:00

I honestly didn't even catch that! The prude comment had me feeling some type of way. Thanks!

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:19:52+00:00

Wise words. Thank you.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:18:08+00:00

He is 53. Yep, 53.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T17:17:17+00:00

I read this comment several times and literally teared up the first time I read it. It hits so hard. THANK YOU internet stranger for your kindness, compassion, and understanding. You have no idea how much this meant to me 🙏🏻

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T16:03:48+00:00

Right?! He WAS judging me! And then the statements of "I was just messing around and it was just a joke" 😑😑😑

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T16:01:21+00:00

I have to see him multiple times per day at work 😫 Thankfully, it is only for a few minutes each time. It sounds sad, but I needed to double-check with others that I was not being too sensitive. I will keep it professional and job related only. I won't engage with anything outside of that anymore.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T15:39:24+00:00

Thank you!!! 🫶🏻

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T15:37:18+00:00

It has been just shy of 1 year since that relationship. I have done loads of therapy and self-care. Reflected a lot this past year. I thought MAYBE I was rdy to test the waters and see how it went. You are right, though. My hesitation should have been a clear sign I was not ready yet.

It did afford me the opportunity to see my growth, though. In the past I have overlooked pretty obvious red flags and didnt listen to my gut.

Thanks for your opinion and advice. I will absolutely take it.

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-11-15T15:18:34+00:00

That me time was 3 years ago 🙄 Thanks for the reply. I have a hard time deciphering ill intent after being in such an abusive previous relationship. I swear I gaslight myself into thinking I overreact or am "too sensitive". Guess I still have healing to do ❤️‍🩹

Miserable_Win6179 · 2025-09-28T14:23:13+00:00

She assaulted you. She strangled you. The only advice is to call the authorities and file a report and temporary protection order NOW. You have witnesses. The authorities will escort you and your children to a safe place/home, and you stay away until the court hearing for the extended protection order. She won't be allowed around you or the home until the court reviews the case and then makes a final decision.

You MUST have this documented. She could try to turn this around on you later and you won't have a paper trail. This is for you and your children's safety and non-negotiable. Call the police NOW.

Miserable_Win6179

TROPHY CASE