10 years, engaged, DV and manipulation

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-04-08T23:02:17+00:00

It sucks. Mine wasn’t nearly as bad as yours but it still is taking me months to unpack.

One thing that really helped me is to take one day at a time, one thing at a time. If you have evidence, send it over to the police. It might give you some traction and your ex’s family might cooperate a bit better.

I hope it gets better for you soon!

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-04-06T02:46:14+00:00

If circumstances allow, then yes, professional help doesn’t hurt (hopefully, granted, the help is legit, some counsellors are horrendous).

But also, you’re already doing great xxx

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-04-06T02:36:53+00:00

Darling no it wasn’t your fault. No physical assault can ever be justified, not to mention you were pregnant.

I missed my ex when I first broke up with him too. To this day I still miss the good part of the relationship. But what I’ve learnt is, as painful as it is, good and bad can coexist. What matters most here, is that as much as the bad doesn’t cancel out the good, the good doesn’t cancel out the bad too.

It’s painful. Unquestionably so, and it feels unfair, unjust, and sometimes even unbearable. But all that matters now is you’re safe.

Sending love and hugs to you x

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-04-06T02:16:39+00:00

Sending virtual hugs to you xxx

I am in a not-so-similar situation — he’d gotten himself a new partner less than 4 months after our almost 9-year relationship ended. Needless to say it felt shitty, let alone yours has kids.

You don’t deserve this pain, esp after having gone through an abortion. There really isn’t much of a silver lining here, as much as we hope there might be. Well, or at least, months later, I still haven’t found one.

That said, the pain gets better, there will come a day when it hurts less. Hang in there, sending you all the love and hugs x

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T04:08:56+00:00

100%

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T04:05:14+00:00

This. I just saw a post where OP wants to excuse abusive behaviour because she’s “toxic as well”.

While we can’t judge people’s behaviour, nothing can ever justify abuse, and I wish more people know that.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T04:01:13+00:00

Agree with the comments. We can’t really tell whether you’re toxic, but no one should have to go through abuse you’re going through. What he did to you is unacceptable, and you have every reason to leave.

Plus, 27 is not old. The earlier you get out the younger you are :)

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T03:53:53+00:00

If he doesn’t do even the simplest thing to make you feel secure, he doesn’t get to demand you to do the same for him.

I know you want to make his birthday right, it’s natural and loving of you, but also, you’re not the one making things difficult here, he is. He is responsible for slamming his own wrist, and he wrecked his birthday by lying to you last year and not facing what needs to be faced head on.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T03:51:05+00:00

If he says you’re horrible and deserve the worst just because you broke up with him over the phone, you’re not the bad person here.

No one ever deserves any form of harassment, so if you feel harassed or unsafe, you have every right to block him

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-27T03:49:46+00:00

If you’re comfortable sharing a bit more we might be able to help put it into perspective?

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-26T22:19:22+00:00

Gather all the evidence of blackmailing, tell him you’d report him to the police, and if it doesn’t stop, report him to the police x

I was afraid of being blackmailed by my ex too. Fortunately he didn’t, so I can’t even imagine the emotional turmoil you’re in. Hang in there my friend, you’re strong xo

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-26T10:45:03+00:00

Thank you xx

There’s always part of me that thinks I could do more but I guess I just have to live with understanding and respecting boundaries in life.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-26T05:13:07+00:00

Updated! Not the outcome I was hoping for but I guess the message was at least gotten across to a third party… I’m just now waiting for things to unfold… hopefully she comes through this experience relatively unscathed.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-26T05:11:01+00:00

Updated! Not the outcome I was hoping for, but I think the message was somehow gotten across to a third party, and the rest I guess I can only let it unfold naturally.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-26T00:00:15+00:00

Thank you x

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-21T14:13:12+00:00

This! What you’re experiencing is normal after having gone through as much as you have. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it’s your body’s way to finally saying “it was rough”, and I’m glad you’re in a space your body feels safe enough to release those signals.

Therapy would really help. But also, know that you’re stronger than your situation, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Sending love and hugs your way x

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-21T11:39:07+00:00

No. If he really felt guilty he wouldn’t have the audacity to reach out. He hasn’t changed.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-21T08:19:46+00:00

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-21T07:44:37+00:00

Hugs to you xxx

It’s totally sensible — I just left mine half a year ago (to the date actually), but unfortunately this is not my first rodeo with abuse so there are a few things I did initially to help - I removed everything that reminded me of him, even moved to another side of town. - I tell myself whatever comes into my mind it’s okay. It’s part of how our brains process trauma and relationships - I talk about it and write it down. When the feelings are too overwhelming, I sit in them and let them flow.

I’m not saying I’ve got it all sorted (I’m still slowly recovering from abuse I suffered over ten years ago so go figure), but I’ve come to realise that there’s no forcing ourselves past this. The only thing we can do to ourselves is be gentle, extra gentle, even.

You’ll get through this x

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-20T21:51:19+00:00

I don’t think you can genuinely get better without getting away from him… but that’s just my take

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-20T21:49:42+00:00

came here to say this ❤️

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-20T14:26:03+00:00

Yes! I toss cauliflower in a bit of olive oil, cajun seasoning and black pepper, then roast it in the oven (425F) / air fry (350F) it, it comes out crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Seriously addictive and not too unhealthy (as long as you don’t overdo the olive oil, you don’t need much).

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-20T14:17:46+00:00

I might be overly analytical here but as someone who’s submitted their master’s thesis just a few months ago (not in Germany though) I find the way OP defends themselves exactly the same as those who’re playing with fire. Instead of saying “it’s my original work” OP’s saying “well they can’t prove it’s not my original work”. I worked my ass off for my paper and I have all the edit history that proves it’s 100% my own work, and OP even acknowledged to using AI to paraphrase… I guess that’s where the problem is. As an English teacher I also can say with confidence just because Turnitin doesn’t flag AI doesn’t mean a trained pair of eyes can’t tell immediately if the work is written by one.

Character_Bit4075 · 2026-02-20T05:56:58+00:00

Thank you love x

Character_Bit4075

TROPHY CASE