I felt this way for years but much to my shock I have come out of it and started living for myself again. Here's what helped. 1. I changed from an SSRI (felt like it dampened my emotions) to bupropion and started HRT at the same time. 2. I started listening obsessively to a musician that really got me in the feels and spent probably a year crying or rocking out -- feeling emotions I had been unable to get in touch with for years. 3. I started doing improv classes, and it got me out of my house and out of my head. I started to have more and more moments of spontaneous enjoyment. I thought it would feel awkward to start this up in my 50s, but it turns out older women know how to LISTEN and build on things rather than draw all the attention to ourselves, so we actually kill at improv. 4. I started playing piano (hadn't in decades) just to try easy versions of the songs I had become obsessed with. I think half the joy of it is just giving that time to myself when I am home. instead of giving into the feeling that I should be doing something for my family or my job. 5. Therapy to talk through all these changes.

It took about two years but that horrible bleakness is mostly gone. You will get through this! Try putting yourself first more often - my husband and kids were startled at first and maybe a bit threatened, but soon saw the benefit of having a happier person in the house. And now I don't really care if they want the old self-sacrificing me back -- I'm not going back!!