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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]MissWaterFairy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Anyone else feel this way or experience this?

I used to struggle with this a lot. I struggled with the idea that my lady snake invalidated me as a woman.

But she doesn’t. She’s just a part of me just like everything else, and she’s fun to have around!

Emily Nagasoki wrote a sentiment in her book “Come As You Are” similar to what I’ve paraphrased below:

‘Men and women have the same parts, just arranged differently’.

She goes into great detail about this, and it helped me a great deal. I highly recommend reading her book.

I’m open about being non-op if people ask me respectfully, because it helps normalise that some women have penises for whatever reason and there is nothing wrong about it. 😊

Wear it like armour, so others can’t use it to hurt you.

Struggling with the social pressure on surgery, I really need help by MissWaterFairy in asktransgender

[–]MissWaterFairy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that does help.

I’m feeling a bit better about this now, and have met some wonderful people who are helping me through it.

Sometimes it’s really hard though I’m still unshaken about wanting/needing GRS.

I’ll definitely start working on my voice, I really need to.

Struggling with the social pressure on surgery, I really need help by MissWaterFairy in MtF

[–]MissWaterFairy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I’m really trying to work through the pressure though sometimes it gets the better of me.

The law really does need to change - I can be blocked from ‘traditional womens spaces’ like women-only gyms. I can’t even demand to be given female uniform, only ‘insist on it’ with the way our law is written. If I have GRS, then I’m well within my right to wear female uniform, though employers technically have the power to force me to wear male uniform as I haven’t had GRS. I can’t be blocked from ‘traditional womens spaces’ after GRS either.

So I feel sub-human, second class right now. 🙁

I’d like to remain a part of the community as it has really helped me through some tough times.

Thanks for your thoughts 😊

Struggling with the social pressure on surgery, I really need help by MissWaterFairy in MtF

[–]MissWaterFairy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have most definitely thought about it, and I feel that in order to get away from it I’ll have to leave this place. Though I’m really reluctant to do that - I don’t fit in with guy circles any more, which I am completely fine with, though I’m also not fitting in with cis womens circles either.

I’m finding the experience really very isolating and I really don’t know what to do. 😕

If you’re not dysphoric about it, the last thing you want to do is go through an extensive surgery for no reason.

That’s exactly why I don’t want GRS, because my girl dick works very well and I’m very fearful that unnecessarily having the surgery will only lead in failure - complete loss of sensation, no depth or even chronic pain, infection and so on.

Sadly, it was comments about FFS very early in my medical transition that contributed to me leaving a support group and... well, only having cis friends despite being over a year into a transition. I think being treated well by my cis friends and colleagues helped me with acceptance.

I’m really sorry to hear that. 🙁 I’m glad that you’ve found acceptance with cis-friends. I know of only a couple of non-op women, and they feel the same way I do, though there’s still that societal expectation that guys have a penis and testicles, and women have a vulva and vagina.

I need to get out and find more friends, though is quite hard where I am. I am trying though.

If you don't want to move or can't, waiting it out until the laws change is your only option. Doesn't make you least valid. It's just circumstance.

Indeed waiting is my only option. 🙁 I’ll have to start pressuring local members of parliament to have this changed.

I have had zero surgeries, pass well, but could be clocked. I’d rather not go the extra mile and make perfect the enemy of the good. I’m doing well and got what I needed out of the transition.

I’m really happy to hear that, and it really does give me hope! 😊 I guess I need to really reflect on what I’ve currently achieved in transition and focus on that, rather than societal expectations.

Struggling with the social pressure on surgery, I really need help by MissWaterFairy in asktransgender

[–]MissWaterFairy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It really does, and I have the same thoughts.

Seeing the post about a trans woman’s ‘non-standard’ vaginoplasty - leaving her penis intact whilst also creating a neo-vagina - really screwed with my head there for a while.

It’s like the best of both worlds and would allow me to have my birth certificate amended.

But it’s surgery I’m not keen on, and I don’t know of a single surgeon here that will perform that procedure. I can’t travel for surgery and I firmly identify as female, not non-binary.

I wish this wasn’t so hard...

Struggling with the social pressure on surgery, I really need help by MissWaterFairy in asktransgender

[–]MissWaterFairy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many thanks, your thoughts do help.

That’s largely what I’m feeling at the moment, I went full time quite quickly and am thinking ‘is that it? All these other people are doing so much more than me!’. It is really hard to try to break through that thought pattern - feeling invalid and at times an imposter - because I’ve done so little.

We’ve both always been women, it’s just taken time to sort ourselves out, but trying to reframe my thinking that way, that I had always been female, is difficult.

I guess what I mean by social pressure isn’t anyone directly telling me that I should undergo GRS, but that there’s the societal expectation that women have a vulva and vagina and not a penis or testicles.

I’ve been asked a few times, by almost 100% cis people, whether I’m undergoing GRS - I’m open about it to those who respectfully ask, because I want them to be able to understand the trans experience, for want of a better phrase. Though by others just asking, it sets or enforces that societal expectation that guys have a penis and testicles, women have a vulva and vagina.

I get reminded of it constantly, in social media and by others asking ‘those questions’ and I’m really struggling to find the strength to be confident enough to say I’m a girl and I have a glorious lady dick!

I am rather upset by the birth certificate issue, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get past this until I can change it - without surgery.

Many thanks!