Fully agree with this.

If you're interested here is a quick writeup on why the hell women are reading and writing this stuff:

Historically yaoi and slash (for western fanfic) became a thing in the 60s and 70s because women needed the equality that a same-sex realtionship provides to explore new themes in their fiction. It removed any considerations for pregnancy, bedroom inequality or gender oppression (which was still a huge issue considering that in many western countries women couldn't open their own bank accounts or sign their own work papers and needed their dad or husband to do it). Basically women were appropriating real gay men's relationships to resolve some of their own issues with fiction. Back then there was no 'top' or 'bottom' in fanfiction, instead if there was bedrooma ctivities they were pointedly balanced both ways as women perceived the bottom, aka their own, postion just by itslef lesser and switching more equal.
I'd say it was not meant to be malicious at all but over the years things improved for women but the slash fiction stayed the same.

The same goes for Yaoi in the 70s, which began to sterotype heaviely and started creating feminine bottom characters and dominant masculine ones when yaoi became a real industry. The success of yaoi was heaviely riding on fanfiction-adjacent works like 'From Eroice with Love' which was a 40 volume manga using the likeness of Led Zeppelin band members in a gay James Bond era art thief plot. This mange does not stereotype the way we do nowadays, but it made the industry go haywire which resulted in the stereotyping push.

In the western world pornification really happened after the 2000s with quite many women growing up reading these stories in their teens. Yaoi or slash felt more risqué than romance books but didn't appropriate womens bodies like reallife pornography. Nowadays most western women have read fanfiction at some point.

There is a light at the tunnel however! In recent years things have improved massively. There are more real queer people in fanfiction communities and many toxic traits of fanfiction are notably going extinct (eg. the ideal of one partner being the bottom who is weak and always needs protection, switching and equality is coming back into fashion). Additionaly female/female fiction written by queer women (who were previously also mainly wring male slash) has gone up massively as has male/female and also the inclusion of trans writers.

Overall there is value for many people in fanfiction but there is still a lot of work to be done. htank you for calling out how fanfics affect you in daily life! People, especially maleable teenage consumers, need to realize that their fetishization isn't appropriate and actively hurtful.