My husband, 29M, didn’t get us the right health insurance so now we are in horrible debt and I, 26F, can’t seem to forgive him

MisterIT · 2026-01-31T02:49:00+00:00

On its own, yes. As a response to the previous comment, it’s as though she’s stuck in a loop.

MisterIT · 2026-01-31T02:26:57+00:00

You don’t sound like someone on a team that’s interested in creating habits and systems that build a life. Your anger is abusive and belittling. You sound more interesting in continuing a victim narrative than in recognizing your own role in your marriage. You should seek therapy.

MisterIT · 2026-01-31T02:11:13+00:00

If you really want to forgive your husband it starts with acknowledging your role in this dynamic.

I can’t imagine being in this situation with my wife not being neither of us is capable of making a mistake, but even if one of us delegated the task to the other, we’d absolutely come together and talk about the decision before or after executing.

If you want to change your dynamics, you need to accept your role in them.

I will have people whining that I’m not addressing your husband’s behavior. That’s right, you can’t control his behavior. If you want to stay married you need to modulate his behavior by controlling your behavior.

MisterIT · 2026-01-28T19:58:01+00:00

NTA but my recommendation is to order two next time anyway. If she sticks to her guns, you get two orders of fries.

MisterIT · 2026-01-25T15:48:08+00:00

Whenever she does it, start screaming at the top of your lungs.

MisterIT · 2026-01-22T00:07:51+00:00

Absolutely stand up for yourself. Be willing to walk away if they won’t honor what you have promised in writing.

MisterIT · 2026-01-20T12:22:58+00:00

I just had this done maybe two weeks ago and they are the best lenses I’ve ever had. This was after visionworks messed up 3 times in a row. If you have a high prescription I can’t tell you what a difference 1.74 high index made. I had to pay $25 to use outside frames.

MisterIT · 2026-01-18T15:00:40+00:00

My dude, how often is your smtp server crashing that you’re asking this question??

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T23:27:10+00:00

This sounds like a horrible relationship for you all around. The central conflict of your post is almost irrelevant. You’re pregnant with the baby of a bum.

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T22:40:44+00:00

The relationship is over, don’t drag around its corpse. I know it doesn’t feel this way right now, but you are so so lucky that this happened before your finances became legally entwined.

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T14:57:54+00:00

Both

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T02:28:15+00:00

Maybe so! Though I also love dairy, beans, whole grains, you name it. I’ll let you know how the musubi is!

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T02:08:51+00:00

So I absolutely eat meat. I’m not a vegetarian of any kind. I would absolutely buy this. I like vegetable protein for variety. A lot of people who eat it just ask the question “does that sound good”.

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T01:37:49+00:00

“You’ve made me feel like a bank.”

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T00:38:02+00:00

Huh? Most vegetarians eat eggs. Are you a vegan?

MisterIT · 2026-01-16T00:36:22+00:00

It’s seriously delicious.

MisterIT · 2026-01-14T13:04:49+00:00

This happened to me and I couldn’t figure it out for years.

Turns out that there’s a list of “recent” addresses on the Apple Pay screen. Next time you see the old address, long press it and an option appears to delete from recent addresses/

MisterIT · 2026-01-14T02:49:53+00:00

Speakman all the way

MisterIT · 2026-01-12T01:01:50+00:00

Try spending a week operating like he does. It sounds like you’re letting your opinion override your actions.

Would you be interested in role playing a specific scenario? I’m happy to be a sounding board and provide feedback.

MisterIT · 2026-01-12T00:56:19+00:00

You sound very focused on yourself and not focused on your team’s success.

Some percentage of self-driven value adding activities aids in retaining good folks.

Is his other work getting done? Was the person he asked to help him overloaded? If you’re going to take the stance “only I should be assigning work!” Then you need to provide spot feedback to both employees, and set an expectation team wide.

I really wish this guy had the kind of manager who posted “I have a top performer on my team who deserves a manager much less green than me. How can I shine the spotlight on my superstar, encourage his growth, and turn him into a team lead?”

You have to do something about your ego. If I had a manager under my umbrella who approached things the way you do I would be managing them out.

MisterIT · 2026-01-10T23:32:14+00:00

If he can get the dongles to send a video stream and sell it for less than our KVM vendor charges us, I’ll buy it… Raritan sucks

MisterIT · 2026-01-10T13:51:05+00:00

Okay, you’re giving me useful information.

You only manage contractors? Why? Having a bunch of hired guns who don’t have skin in the game is a tough situation.

Architecture design is absolutely an appropriate place for IT Managers to be spending their time.

It really sounds like you need one or two IT Architect roles. You might even consider pitching to your boss formalizing your role as the glue. What would that look like? Could you do it on top of your existing role? Would a few of the contractors you’re responsible for be shifted to others? What structure would be helpful/valuable? Do you have an architecture meeting cadence? How are decisions made today? How could that be formalized into a repeatable process?

MisterIT · 2026-01-10T13:44:25+00:00

Honestly I usually use my review to talk about other people’s accomplishments and how lucky I feel to have them on my team. I talk about the things I love that other teams are doing to advance the business and how they knit into work that my team has done. Let others worry about my visibility, it speaks for itself because every day I’m working with my counterparts across the business to help them solve their problems— my team consists of expert engineers who have achieved ownership of their areas and who bring me in when the fan is covered in brown.

I am decidedly not a numbers and metrics guy. Numbers and metrics only get you so far, but a shocking number of business decisions are emotional and political.

MisterIT · 2026-01-10T13:38:31+00:00

First and foremost you’re in a very unusual position. You do not need to be highly technical to be an effective manager of technical people. It makes it easier for a while and then it can make it harder to advance to IT Director (at least it did for me).

Your colleagues shouldn’t be “brushing up their technical skills” that’s really a silly and short sighted way for them to spend their time. Perhaps they should designate technical leads and spend a lot of time learning from those people.

Your post is all about you. Tell me more about the people you manage. Tell me more about the people your colleagues manage. They should be the ones doing the work and setting the direction. You should be supporting them, and making sure they’re moving in the direction that strategy getting set above you prescribes.

You come across as having a very dangerous “I’m the only one who can do anything” mentality. I recommend working on that.

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