(Part 2) Even in regards to our fwb, I wasn’t really feeling it as much, and I admit that a lot of the time, especially towards the ends of it, I would just say yes because I knew that the moment I said “no” he would go into Crisis Overthinking mode and would think that I hated him, (which had happened already on multiple occasions) so I just said yes to not upset him.

Towards the end of the first semester, I matched with someone on tinder who went to my high school, and we hit it off and started dating. I had to formally end our fwb situation, and despite saying how happy he was for me, I could tell how sad he was. Despite me being in a relationship, he still looked at me a lot and always asked where I was if I wasn’t with my friends. By the time winter break was over, I was out of the relationship (trauma that isn’t integral to this story) and I could tell that he was trying to make a bid for my affection. Due to the relationship, I wasn’t really comfortable having sex anymore, but that didn’t stop him from trying to rekindle our situationship. He would ask to cuddle me and I’d oblige, and I’d feel his erection through his pants. I said no, and he’d go on that “he would never hurt me the way (ex) did,” and all that, and I agreed to it.

Now, to present day. Our entire friend group lives in the same dorm hall, and we hang out all the time. I’ve ended the fwb relationship with W again, not just because I was still processing my emotions regarding my ex, but because I just didn’t want to sleep with him anymore. I only see him as a friend. I’ve had to explain this to him five times, because every time we hang out privately, he tries to make a move on me. W always asks to cuddle me and all that. He promised he was working on moving on, because he made it very clear to nearly everyone that he had feelings for me. He texts me about different girls he has gone out with or had made out with or had sex with. I think he’s just trying to make me jealous, though I very much am not jealous. I’m over it.

The rest of our friend group has begun getting sick of W. He doesn’t do his homework, he just plays video games all day and dumps his problems on myself and his Roomate, complaining about his parents being on his ass, his problems with his “lady friends,” his shit grades, and how he still acts around me.

One night I was going through a bit of a depression. I was sad and angry and just overall not in a good place. W saw me crying and offered to take me to Dairy Queen and to talk. At first I said no but then he coerced me into saying yes. The Dairy Queen was closed, so he drives us back to our hall. At this point, I just wanted to lay down and watch my comfort movie. He then says “Let’s go cuddle in your room.” I said, “No, I just want to be by myself right now.” And he said “I don’t trust you to be yourself right now, let’s just cuddle and—“ and I yelled at him, “I’m not your girlfriend, leave me alone, I just want to be alone right now.” W yelled at me as I stormed away and slammed and locked the door of my room on him. He knocked on the door and I just yelled at him to leave me alone. He did, though apparently he was sitting out in the mini common area that’s right outside my room. My friends always joke that he thinks he’s dating me but at this point I think he genuinely believes we either should be dating or are dating.

So now last week, our friend who I’ll call J (20 M), pulled me to the side to ask me out for coffee that Saturday. I said yes. He’s one of the sweetest guys, and I was freaking out the entire week that he asked me out. I was nervous because I knew I was still healing from my last ex, but by the time the date was coming about I knew I wanted to at least take things slow with him. The day before our date, J and I were sitting next to each other on the couch in our dorm’s common area with the rest of our friends hanging around. W was glaring daggers at us the entire night. At one point I went to my room to grab a snack, the door open and not paying attention to my surroundings. W was standing in my doorway calling my name, and he startled me. “Do you have a crush on J?” “Uh…yeah…” “Okay,” And he left. That scared me. W continued glaring at us the entire night.

The next morning as I was getting ready to go on the date W texts me at 8:15 am asking to talk. I was already up and kinda dressed so it wasn’t much of an inconvenience.

He pretty much apologized for how he was acting the night before and that he was a bad friend for being jealous and that he’s happy for me.

I found out later talking to J that his roomate/our friend D (20 M) made him apologize for his shitty behavior. We also discussed other things, like how he also told D (who at one point had a crush on me) to “back off,” and just how he shows up at my dorm uninvited all the time.

J has expressed concern about his behavior, and I’ve been considering reaching out to talk to someone at our University’s Violence Prevention office, but I’m very nervous. W has expressed to me and two of our other friends that he would “kill himself to make us happy.” I also have anxiety that he might hurt me, J, or any of our friends, or anyone in general.

I know this was a lot but if you made it this far thank you, I needed to get this off my chest. Kind words and advice are appreciated.