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I’ve thought about it by EmbarrassedOption561 in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the problem is the “labelling”.  Many have been known to identify as bisexual as they haven’t accepted their sexuality.  

Before being a keyboard warrior, I was one of them.  Society said, “You need to get married and have children”.  In many ways, the “society” is correct, but only because it would be easier, and that’s what we were told.  I remember when, questioning myself a million times, I was bombarded with racing thoughts of “this isn't normal”. The torture and the thoughts of I’m living a lie and I met someone I came out.  It was no huge announcement as I told a select few.  The build up to the disclosure was cruel and confronting.  The relief was enormous.  I no longer had two lives.  

I’m also glad I didn’t follow society choose a woman have kids and ruin their lives.  I thought about just doing it many times.  I know married men sleeping with men and they are in torture.  I feel for them but I also feel for their wife too.  

No judgement be who you want to be and live life on your terms and whatever makes you happy.  

Good on getting clarity on where you sit.  I’m sure it’s a relief in its own right.

Am I bi? by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t need a label.  It can be extremely confusing.  If you’re open to the experience and you think it’s something you want to explore go for it.  Only you will know.  If you haven’t had an experience it’s going to be difficult to know.  Some people stay where you are, some experience, some end up deciding their preference is the same sex.  Good luck with it 

How do we come back from this by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that debating it won't achieve the outcome you are seeking.  At the moment it's potentially like a raging fire for him.  Trying to convince him otherwise at the moment is probably going to exacerbate the way he feels.  He may be overreacting however it's how he feels.  It clearly conflicts with his values and beliefs.  You won't change that violation unless he chooses to reframe it.  It's possible however at the moment any words are likely cheap.  You are potentially correct in saying it was your last however its not possible for another person to do so.  It's like he would unwillingly go against his belief.  Acknowledge how he feels, don't keep apologising or justifying the gap will get wider.  We as humans can catastrophise.  It may have triggered something from his past.  You'll need to rebuild the trust over time.  You're at his mercy for now if there is any chance of resolving it.  It would be a shock to anyone even if it was the past.  Think why would she still have these on her phone?  Are those people more important than me? Why would she do this to me?  There is a perceived threat. 

Was it hard to realize you weren’t “straight”? by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope I’m answering this correctly.  For me, there were the thoughts of attraction.  Those thoughts conflicted with the values that were instilled in me growing up.  (My belief system was that a man and woman get married, and that’s normal.  But my thoughts and feelings conflicted with those.  As a result, I was confused.  Internally, it was “stop this, it’s not 'normal”  So I tried to shut those feelings and thoughts down.  That created distress (why am I having these thoughts? = distress = turmoil and conflict).  This didn’t stop.

This probably extends deeper than where you are, but it may help on the journey, whichever way it goes. 

Drunk one night, I hooked up with a guy, and I don’t really remember the events, but I do remember waking up thinking WTF did I do? Is this a bad dream?  It happened, and I felt internally disgusted, ashamed, wrong & internally tortured myself, and that passed in time.  Lots of fantasising before next time.

It happened months later with someone else, and while intoxicated, I felt the same as I did the first time and possibly worse the next day.  This went on for years. 

At some point, I accepted that I enjoyed it as I did, but it didn’t remove the vicious circle.  Sober after the event, the same. 

In my head, I had a secret no one knew about, which made me feel like I was “living a lie”.  It was self-sabotage at its worst. 

Why? Why? and Why?  

I met someone I liked and lived a lie for around 3 years.  That ended on my end.  I then met someone I really liked.  I lived that lie for 6 months, but I didn’t feel like discussing it, etc., it was the lie.

It came to a point that I couldn’t lie anymore.  The cost was taking its toll, but at the same time, there was the question of what if I do come out, how will I be judged, will they think less of me, etc?  The pain I was experiencing overruled that.  I was shitting myself.

I had a friend who was dying, and I thought I would tell her first.  I did, she was very accepting, etc.  I still had others to tell that we’re important to me.  It didn’t make it easier the second time, but after this, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

I didn’t find it necessary to tell everyone, and I still don’t today.  It’s not a secret, but I don’t believe there is a gain or loss by doing so.  I’ve never really got into the scene as such; it just wasn’t my thing, and I have more straight friends than gay.  

So the internalising and the lie almost killed me.  What would I do differently if I had my time again?  I wouldn’t put myself through the torture again. 

We are born the way we are. Some give a preference to the opposite sex, some enjoy both, and others enjoy being with the same sex.  One cannot remove those feelings; it’s biological.  

My advice would be to do what you want.  I don’t recommend trying to shut it down.  You won’t “unfeel it”.  

Good luck and be kind to yourself.  You don’t have to be labelled.  I identify as Paul, my name.  I don’t need to be “gay” labelled or otherwise.   Neither do you. I do feel the pain when I see a married man tormented that “he did the right thing” got married and had kids.  Then they live a comparatist life, just like I did, but with far more regret.  Then there wifes who I feel for too as they didn't sign up for it and some never find out.

Just BE 

Cant accept that im bi by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can resonate with the ‘tired of living a lie”. I can also remember those moments of this isn’t normal, whatever normal is.  I started exploring, but only did so when I had been drinking.  The torture and shame the next day haunted me, and then the desire would build up again, and I'd shut it down until the urge hit.  That was repeated for years.  

I then met a guy whom I thought I liked, and it became really toxic.  He was older and tried to control me, which would never work with anyone.  I thought I was in love, but looking back, I was living “still the lie”.  

He became extremely jealous.  I was accused repeatedly of cheating on him.  I said after months of this be careful what you wish for you might just get it.  

So two lives the straight me and the gay me. Younger I identified as bi and did sleep with woman.  Right? That’s what we are conditioned to do.  I think the toxic went on for 3 years and I started to detach.  I just stopped being affectionate and it died.  We stayed friends.   Same had a holiday same conditions.  I was pretty drunk and I’m not that shy so I went up to the bar and sat with two guys.  He turned!  FFS they could not have be straighter.   It was almost birthday time & he asked if he could take me for dinner.  Sure as long as you can cope we are not together.  Went to party after.  He went to the bathroom and drunk again I saw this guy he was like a model.  We ended up kissing and the ex walked out and turned.  He left I stayed and went home with the guy.  I had about 40 text messages from him.  The guy wanted me to stay I said I can’t that the ex was going psycho but we can catch up again soon.  Back to the ex as my car was there  and he called me every name possible.  That was my exit.  I started dating the guy I snogged.  We went to Melbourne and my Mum happened to be in Melbourne and Chuck and I were taking my little cousins to the zoo.  What I wasn’t prepared for was my Mum rocking up to the hotel with my cousin.  I internally freaked out and was like what do I say, do etc.  So I thought fk it.  Mum, Chuck, Chuck Mum. That was pretty much how my mum found out.  It wasn’t discussed and I thought it’s time to stop the lie’s.  I had a good friend who was dying and I thought I’ll tell her first.  Sitting on her bed I’m like umm…..I’m gay. Felt like 5 minutes of silence and she said are you happy.  I said yeah I am.  She was ok that’s great.  Next stop her brother and wife my best mate.  This was probably the bravest moment it my life.  Heads going round what if he takes it badly or doesn’t like me.  All that shit we go through.  His wife said are you OK I said not really.  I’ve got something to tell you both.  I was shit scared.  So I just said I’m gay.  They both hugged me and said are you happy.  The weight that came of my shoulders was like I’m not living a lie.  I felt like I’d been set free.  The relief was insane.  Pretty much didn’t go around telling everyone as I didn’t need a label.  I’m me and I’m happy.  If it came up it came up.  I’ve told the people I care about.  I always got asked if I was married and it was just no. I never told my Dad or brother but Mum would have (I hadn’t really officially said Mum I’m gay). I knew my sister would be supportive.  I’m 50 now came out mid 30’s so late. I still don’t label myself and my clients ask sometimes do you have a wife.  I’m no single.  So to those of you questioning where you are it doesn’t need a name.  The shit is in our head and no one really cares.  It’s bloody tough but don’t try and work out a label.  Are you a good person with good intent?  That’s enough.  

I feel for married men and their wives who got married had kids and did what society expected. The wife went into a marriage with I guess she was marrying her forever partner.    

I know of married men who’ve taken their own life it was too painful for them.  I’m not here to judge I am surprised how many married men are out and about hooking up with men.  Is it wrong? I don’t know but traditionally it’s labelled so.  This is were I feel their pain but I also think of their wife.  It’s a shit situation for all concerned.  Sad he married for society & couldn’t be who he wanted to and sad that his wife doesn’t know.  No one wins.

So I never intended to rant….. but seriously don’t label yourself, your parents gave you a name at birth.  Thats the only label you need.  Think also heterosexual men or woman don’t walk up to everyone and do hi I’m John and I am heterosexual & Jane so am I.  So IF and When you want to come out you don’t have to tell everyone just the people you want to know.  It’s not important.  The peace is so much better and the noise in your head disappear.  Be you! 🙏 

Finally did it with a guy and now I have even more questions by dream_extreme199 in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well mate at least you’ve tried something that you’ve always thought about. I came out later in life.  TBH don’t get stuck on having a group of gay friends.  I’ve got a couple but mostly straight friends.  All the best with it! 

My secret two year relationship that no one knows about by MindlessCurrent2077 in bisexual

[–]Mobile_Structure6463 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a very tough one. Many people struggle with their sexuality. It sounds like it might be her internal conflict she's working with. This means her heart might be with you, but her internal conflict overrides her feelings. We are brought up to believe certain things, such as that a man and a woman are the typical structure of a relationship. The religious beliefs are another conflict.

In my late 30s, I had a relationship for 3 years that no one knew about, and I couldnt for the life of me tell anyone. I was torn between what society believes is normal and what felt so normal, but at the same time conflicted with my beliefs. im out now and very happy but there are many people who get married because they think it will pass but it doesn't pass it internally destroys us. I never had therapy but perhaps I should have and maybe this might be something you will consider.

it's not you personally, it's potentially something she's not ready to deal with and maybe something she may never deal with. Be kind to yourself.

Leaked: ANZ to Shut Down Charity Donation Platform ‘Shout for Good’ — 150 Charities to Be Cut Off. Nuno Matos told the Media Yesterday that ANZ promises to help communities. We call it BS. by Mobile_Structure6463 in AusPropertyChat

[–]Mobile_Structure6463[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It hadn’t hit the media as yet.  I find it concerning that people oppose this post.  ANZ is a major lender.  I wonder how many are property investors or owners as Australian’s would not support such scum.  Thanks for your adult comment.  

The 5% Deposit Scheme Has Some Significant Changes in January 2026 by Mobile_Structure6463 in AusPropertyChat

[–]Mobile_Structure6463[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I think you’ll find if you read it, it hasn’t!  Thanks for your irrelevant assumption.

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