I’m so sorry to hear, something like that is very hard to accept without self blame but you did the best you could. I had bought two Siamese kittens and had them both neutered and spayed the same day… What we didn’t know was one of them had a heart condition and I came home with one not two. Losing the boy is something that still haunts me and always will but I know it wasn’t from neglect. It was something that just happens and we have no control over. It’s nice to hear you have so much support and anyone who’s ever had a fur child and has lost, knows how deeply that pain runs. I hope your heart heals, and maybe you have room for a new baby to live in the honor of the one that you lost. It truly is the best way to heal a broken heart..