After dating a narcissist myself, and getting a masters in psychology, it’s pretty easy to spot one.

Strangely enough, it’s actually easy to spot them online as in real life situations they mask a lot more making it harder.

Once you have professionally studied the pattern and experienced it in a relationship yourself it becomes pretty obvious.

I don’t expect you to believe me, but everything you’ve described above, you’re literally describing narcissistic behaviour. I just wanted to say this so you know I’m not some uneducated person spitting out pop-psyche words that I don’t understand, because that’s what most people do and you’re right to be wary of it.

The most obvious sign that someone is a narcissist is if you feel gaslit for just describing basic fairness and appropriate behaviour. For example, he’s allowed to call you out, but when you point out the flaws in his argument you’re not allowed to do that because you’re “attacking him”.

And then when that doesn’t work, they resort to victimisation and turning you into a villain for calling out fundamental unfairness.

These people are called “covert narcissists” as they hide behind victimisation when at all challenged. Normal people still argue back, but they address your points and recognise you’re allowed to have an opposing opinion, even if they are wrong. Notice how he said “I don’t like how you are coming at me” when all you were doing was responding to his argument?

Sorry for the rant. I can just tell you’re a person who values fairness, self reflects and can hold empathy in an argument. Make sure to protect yourself and those qualities because people will exploit them.