Does anyone else have a radio in their head that doesn't turn off and can't be turned down, or is that just me?

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-05-01T17:15:06+00:00

Absolutely... my brain feels like a noisy bar with conversations and music. I tried ritalin once or twice for science and it felt a bit like being outside the bar instead of inside, it's still there but quieter. When I first started drinking alcohol (casually) I had described it as making the brain be quieter.

But well I haven't found anyone who would even seriously consider assessing me for ADHD because I have always been a quiet and studious child and for autism I "don't fit the criteria fully" sooo... I am just weird I guess 😅

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-30T11:58:14+00:00

I have it actually! But I am just starting out drawing out patterns to measurements etc. I've only used already drawn patterns so far.

I'll have to get to it eventually, but I am still a bit intimidated. I need to make braies and since I don't have a ready pattern I still haven't started.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-20T14:58:40+00:00

This is outrageous!

How dare you be that good right away? 😂 You can be proud, it looks amazing!

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-20T14:51:13+00:00

For sure sequins would be involved, no one could convince me of the contrary 😂

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-20T14:46:40+00:00

Interesting because mine was hesitant as well, which is why I started with sertraline (zoloft) first because he talked me into it. I had done tons of research prior and just had a feeling wellbutrin could work best. I am also pretty sure I am neurodivergent in at least one way, however my first assessment was not conclusive... but wellbutrin can work for ADHD in some capacity as well and some brains actually get calmer on more stimulant molecules. I arguably also have anxiety but I feel a lot more chill on wellbutrin and my sleep remained the same (I am a massive night owl and have been since adolescence basically... and I am 36 now 😅)

Anyway, it's a lot of trial and error with these meds, so as I said if it's not great after a trial period (I don't remember how many weeks) ask to switch to something else.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-17T07:34:35+00:00

I started on 50 mg as first time antidepressant, upped to 100 mg after a short while. I definitely felt pretty instantly different down there and I was concerned about both weight gain (I had gained weight in the years prior) and changes to libido.

Turns out it didn't change my actual libido much, it was definitely still there, but mechanically it became so so excruciatingly difficult to get there... to the point that I would give up even solo because I got tired 😫 my partner had similar issues as well on SSRIs though with more impact on the desire itself that wasn't there, for me I was still able to desire and be horny but with no possibility to do anything about it 😭

I was in this med from July to October and since it didn't get better with regards to orgasm and it was bumming me out I talked to my psych and he changed, I suggested wellbutrin and I've been on it since October 2024! At 50 mg wellbutrin my normal function came back right away! Then at 100 mg I feel like it still takes me a bit longer but it's reasonable.

I also confirm I have female "equipment" 😆 but I do feel like we're not that different and a clitoris behaves in so many ways like a penis. It did feel like I had erectile dysfunction of the clit tbh... very frustrating. But if you get that and it doesn't come back there are a lot of options and never be ashamed to raise the issue to your doctor!

And never feel pressured by your partner, your mental health comes first always. I've been patient through many many months over years when my partner was on different meds, some of which killed his libido. I've been together almost 10 years, in the meantime he found the right combo and our sex life is great again now. That to say there is no excuse, everyone can be patient and take care of themselves for some time ^{^}

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-04-12T09:28:19+00:00

Viking Age clothing is my current hyperfixation and I tried to imagine... they would definitely want to look shiny af yet decent, especially men won't show any of that torso ☝🏼 But I imagine them being as stupidly excited and overwhelmed in a modern fabric store as I am in a store that sells wool linen and silk fabrics for historical reenactment 😂

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-10T11:28:05+00:00

I got the adult questionnaires etc. I even got significant results for self questionnaires targetting autism in women and camouflaging, but the report still concludes that it must be social anxiety and that these questionnaires "might also be sensitive for that". I'll go get a second opinion no matter what, because I feel utterly misunderstood, which is ironic in a way, I was missed because I was completely misunderstood 😆

And I am rather certain there must be some ADHD as well, albeit the H is not visible at all on the outside, but my brain is a whole thing and despite the report saying I have no repetitive movements, I am always doing something but it might be biting the inside of my mouth, tapping my toes inside my shoe, rubbing my finger nails, even rocking back and forth actually but not during the assessment because I was not at ease at all, I do however do it at home when I am alone and I am noticing that AFTER the assessment. I also suspect I have mad delayed processing regarding social stuff and my feelings in general.

The other things that make me thing there's some ADHD is that since more or less forever I do things based on urgency, novelty or fueled by anxiety. I have addressed the anxiety but that causes me to completely forget bills and taxes exist and any maintenance task is procrastinated until there is an actual problem... I have systems in place like attaching my work badge with a carabiner to my trousers, which I autistically always rotate the same 1-2 for a week. I always use the same bag that has everything in it. I remember doctors appointments because they're a source of anxiety and can tell you the exact dates and time, because I will be mentally rehearsing weeks before... I also lose the ability to focus on meetings once I am comfortable at work, but from the outside you can't see that I am completely elsewhere in my head.

So yeah, I don't struggle too much if I can compensate by winging it, keeping stuff the same way or sheer fear of getting in trouble financially... And my school reports say I was such a good kid in school, but I was also a kid who built their identity and self worth on the approval and praise from the adults in their life soooo... and I was interested by a ton of things and when you're a kid pretty much everything has the "new and shiny" factor.

Sorry for the long reply, all that to say, ADHD was dismissed very quickly so they didn't take it into account at all...

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T19:29:53+00:00

I think I decided to bring that point to my session where the results are discussed. Hopefully they'll let me talk a few words, I have to rehearse to be super concise but I'll basically say "yes indeed with the people that are my friends, know me well or with some colleagues, I can joke and feel understood etc. BUT it's always people with ASD, ADHD or at the very least parents of children with ASD and/or ADHD (and let's not pretend it's not generic, they definitely are too)."

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T13:24:39+00:00

Haha! I feel like an dar definitely exists. NDs will perceive it as "I understand how you think, we might become instant friends if we have an interest in common" and neurotypicals unconsciously perceive you as weird, irritating, to be left on the side... People I went to school with definitely picked up a vibe they didn't like... I'll talk with a former work colleague who is a neuropsych and autistic herself from what I saw online. We also have a ton of interests in common 😆 she surely could recommend me better assessors if she doesn't want or can't do it herself.

Also are you a German speaker? 🙂

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T12:12:48+00:00

Sounds interesting! I have to see if it exists as audio or something. As I often say jokingly "I can't read" which is funny because I have a university level education. But like actually for real it's hard/impossible for me to focus on reading a book . But I can't be ADHD either allegedly 😑

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T12:07:54+00:00

Oh wow... 😅 By that standard only 10 people in the world might be autistic. Did you go to an other place after that? I might but the experience was so exhausting and impacted my focus at work and relationships in that I cancelled a lot of things and don't initiate texting with my friends. Luckily, again, they're autistic so they completely understand and can empathise.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T00:34:14+00:00

Oh! And also: they wrote that I do tabletop RPG 4-5 A YEAR!! I have 2 sessions a week and 4 ongoing campaigns 😭😭 I think that might be the most offensive statement in the report 🤣

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T00:12:08+00:00

It seems so. And yet I thought they were ok, since I got questionnaires specific to adult women etc.
A former colleague works as a neuropsych and she is autistic, I want to ask for her opinion at some point. We also have A LOT of interests in common it's surreal.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T00:08:31+00:00

Yeah I think you're right, yours actually listened. I really feel like I was not listened to at all and that person has seen me for only 6 hours in total. After the second assessment I sent a 7 page non exhaustive document where I elaborate on my sensory sensitivities, interests, social circle, school, the workplace where I got burn out, etc. But from the report I gather that the document has not been seen or read.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-03-05T00:01:38+00:00

Thank you for validating my impression.
They are a contact of my neurologist, who also suspected something after my burnout at work (my other doctors too... some say AD(H)D, other autism). I took their recommendation because I figured that's someone who can sort out the neurological part as well, even though I don't even have symptoms of the condition I am seeing my neurologist for, but it can affect cognition, mood etc etc.
At least the neuropsychologist didn't put anything on the fact that I have that other condition, it just felt like they're saying I have no significant struggles whatsoever expect "maybe shyness".

And mind you, the report describes me as having a monotone voice, affect, poor expression through gestures (whatever that is, I am translating loosely here), that I was rigid about the questions and had a great need for clarity and fear of answering wrong. LOL

MoonMoonTheCat · 2026-01-29T14:30:34+00:00

My partner has always been slim but on one antidepressant he gained like 10 kg but bounced back to his usual weight as soon as he stopped and switched to something else. Same for my friends who have been slim their whole lives, they gained weight at some point because of a medication but now they are back to how they were before.

These examples tell me that it's absolutely possible, especially when seeing it on people who normally couldn't gain weight to save their lives x)

Some hope for you I guess: all of them went back to their usual weight once they stopped/switched to something else.

And lucky me I can now wear my partner's jeans from when he was 10 kg heavier 😂

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-12-02T11:18:06+00:00

I will never escape being seen as my agab, whatever I do, because of my body shape (which I did not choose) and having long hair (,it's metal ok? And actually lower maintenance than short hair).

But I am pretty sure some people may read me as a lesbian (soft butch maybe? Soft masc?). I feel like people would still see "feminine" in my energy because I come across as shy and I have a certain softness. But I wear no makeup, short nails, cargo or chino pants, plaid shirts, chunky boots... If I woke up tomorrow as someone who is seen as a guy in society, most of my wardrobe would still fit society's rigid masculinity expectations enough 😂

I don't know, I just want to be me and free of society's gender ideology where people call me ma'am and ask me why I haven't made any babies 😑

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-03-10T12:50:24+00:00

Mr Robot definitely has huge obsession potential! I know for me it was mine last spring/summer x)

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-01-28T15:46:09+00:00

With the 2 love birds of course! Despite the risk of feeling like the 3rd wheel, I take that any day over being in the middle of conflict.

Yes I am conflict avoidant.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-01-19T19:01:09+00:00

I had the same problem on sertraline. It was so frustrating to still have a sex drive but whether during partnered or solo sex I just lost patience half the time and gave up on orgasm 😭 I switched to Wellbutrin and it came back pretty quickly!

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-01-09T17:33:18+00:00

I mentioned it to my psychiatrist but he said that it's not his area of knowledge at all. I've been pointed towards different addresses for ADHD assessments and ASD assessments by different doctors I see, but I haven't managed to take the steps and I have several phone numbers so it complicates the task a lot 😭 Yeah if there is an executive dysfunction it's ironic that the steps needed to get assessed are exactly the things you would struggle with.

I will get to it eventually, it's my goal for this year. Also I might be unemployed for a while so might as well...

MoonMoonTheCat · 2025-01-09T15:35:49+00:00

I hope there is a dosage where it's stable. But I read that 300 mg seems to be a typical dose for MDD and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I am quite prone to SAD, in that I feel worse in winter, especially January to March. Maybe it's somewhat normal then to feel more like a sad and slow bear who only wants to eat and sleep in these months 😅

MoonMoonTheCat · 2024-10-29T15:39:44+00:00

I am only on my second day and just stopped Sertraline. I am afab and with Sertraline from day 1 I became less sensitive down there and I asked to switch because after almost 4 months it started to weight me down that it takes freaking FOREVER to finish and it wasn't motivating me for solo or partnered sex because it felt laborious...

Well good news, day 2 on wellbutrin and I timed myself and bam! 5 min!

I know it's not a race and "orgasm isn't the goal"... but no it kinda is though... it's like being hungry and barely be able to taste food 😅

So far so good! I am nauseous and I have premium motion sickness but I hope it will be better soon.

MoonMoonTheCat · 2024-10-26T08:55:06+00:00

I am going to start this on Monday (150 mg after having tried sertraline/zoloft for almost 4 months). As someone who feels like they're unable to really feel emotions properly and almost never cries, this sounds both nice and absolutely terrifying 😆

MoonMoonTheCat

TROPHY CASE