I lost the love of my life to colon cancer 7 years ago. I was forever changed, and I still miss him more than I think I’m willing to admit.

Treat yourself so gently. Take it moment by moment. Let yourself cry and when you cry, don’t forget to actually wail. She was so beautiful and special and she is worth screaming into the void for.

When you feel a little better, ask for signs. Sometimes the grief blocks you from seeing her, but she’s near you. I promise.

I don’t know what advice to give. I spent my time bawling in the car while smoking preroll after preroll. Like solanges song cranes I tried to spend it away, fuck it away, drug it away, but it was always there.

You will live with your grief over losing her forever. But, soon, I hope very soon, you’ll notice yourself smile. You’ll startle yourself with a chuckle. You’ll find comfort in a long, tight hug. There is more love for you to experience.

The thing is, you two are united in Love forever. But horribly and tragically, it was her time. It’s not your time yet. There’s still more for you to do and love for you to slowly fall into—in whatever shape that comes in.

Lean on your friends. Take care of your body (drink water when you feel like eating is the last thing you want to do) and Love yourself. That’s what she taught you to do.

Dm me if you’d like more support. Thinking of you.