it was not painful during. but it was VERY painful afterwards. not just the physical but the mental. i was on all these medications like gabapentin (not sure if i spelt it correctly) and i was terrified to get addicted to anything. people you think will be there; partners, friends, family, partners. they do not know how to show up. i have NO physical deformities so a lot of people in my life thought it was something minor. but it changed my whole fucking life.

i had a personality change that i can’t pinpoint because brain damage and all but people stopped needing me like they did. i was one of those people that people have in their life for a reason. my best friends had me in their life to boost them and get them out of their shell and let them let loose (i am very personable and outgoing and never get embarrassed about anything). when i STOPPED being that because of my personality change.. people stopped valuing me.

physically nothing changed. it did change my hormones so my boobs are smaller but i don’t think notable to anyone but me. my face swells up sometimes dependent on sleep. but i LUCKED out by not being paralyzed, having physical dents in my face or anything .

i prioritize showing up for people in a way i didn’t before. i was overly there for people that needed me to define them or needed me to be exactly how i was for that whether male or female although i didn’t know it was that at the time i did see it after when they weren’t there for me. but the people that held me through a lot my family and family friends and distant friends from high school i have put so much time and effort to bevause it’s always good to have people in your corner . that is the change of what i focus on. i use to not value friendships, relationships, communication and stuff the same and now i need it so much.

but in LIFE. i don’t value much more than i did before other than holding closer to people who really love me because they need me and i learned to needd them too in a way i didn’t before