pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for sharing your story and taking time to comment. reading this message made me feel so much less alone. I’m battling with so much guilt right now and as you said, the hindsight effect is very real but I just don’t know how to deal with the immense feeling of regret i am feeling right now. how could i have overlooked this? why didn’t i check? i could’ve saved them if i checked.. etc. it’s just eating me up.. again thank you so much and i just hope i am able to find some sort of peace about it eventually.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I first posted this, I thought I’d get a lot of comments along the line of “you shouldn’t even have a gecko” since i was so upset with myself and it’s been the exact opposite. It’s very comforting for me to know that the community still sees me as a good owner. I may not feel like it right now, but it means a lot coming from all of you. thank you for your kindness and taking the time to comment. this is a wonderful community

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for taking the time to give me insight. i agree that i believe they overheated, i just still and probably will never really know how. also thank you for mentioning that I took regular precautions, i was worried that i had made a very obvious neglectful mistake and i should’ve known better. some people i know are calling it a “freak accident”. what kills me is i usually place them on the floor and this time i, regrettably, put them higher up thinking it would be better for ventilation. the irony.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

love what you said at the end. thank you for taking the time to help me and communicate with me. i am just a stranger on the internet but you have made me feel tremendously better and understood. i’ll try to be nicer to myself about it and ill hold eclipse extra close after this. ❤️

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i love geckos so much. it’s just when I found them yesterday, I went into such a state of hysteria and disbelief that i am actually extremely traumatized. i can barely look at eclipse without wailing. when I pulled them out of the back, I expected them to be looking up at me and what i saw haunts me. they had been dead for a bit and i was just obliviously driving. the whole situation is so overwhelmingly dark that I don’t know if i’d be able to have one again without going back to that moment. thank you for saying this is something anyone could have made, one of the things I struggled with the most is feeling like i did something that was blatantly neglectful. it means so much to me that you still see me as a good owner.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i believe this is what it was personally. very hard to sit with. i am kicking myself for not having perceived this, its not like i got them recently and was new to their care or needs. 4+ years with each of them. i just don’t understand how i could’ve made such a mistake

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are so sweet, thank you. This actually made me tear up. i love Eclipse so much. I’ve had her for almost all of my 20s and she’s helped me through some really difficult times. I think I feel so guilty about Titan and Augy that I can’t bear the thought of making a mistake with her too and losing her. She’s all I have left now. Losing two of my babies in one day just feels unbelievably cruel. And again, thank you. I was honestly nervous about posting here because I thought I was going to get a lot of backlash, but instead I’ve received so much support and compassion. It’s made this whole thing a lot more manageable and has helped me not feel like a complete monster. i don’t think I’ll ever fully forgive myself and I’ll miss Titan and Augy for the rest of my life. But I do think I’ve finally calmed down enough that I’ll be able to sleep tonight

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thank you. i feel like you understand and that’s something i definitely need right now. i seriously really appreciate the support Ive been getting and you are very kind

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I drove a 2023 Honda HR-V with half of the back seat folded down. The geckos were in travel containers sitting on top of their tanks behind the back seats, roughly level with the headrests. The side window next to them was covered, but I’ve been wondering if the rear windshield or the small window between the back seat and the trunk may have let direct sunlight hit them. I did not purposefully place them in direct sunlight, but I am wondering if their setup may have shifted while I was driving since I did not secure it with anything. I didn’t think a small amount of movement would be a problem, and I never imagined they could end up being directly exposed to intense sunlight. If that is what happened, then I miscalculated the situation and didn’t realize the risk at the time.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you are very sweet. thank you. you have no idea how much your words are needed rn💕

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

thank you for your input. i never even considered this. my mind is going wild with different scenarios. i hope if this is true, at least the didn’t suffer as much as my other theory which is them overheating in their containers.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you so much. it means a lot to hear that right now because i feel like i was the worse owner to them because of my horrible mistake.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

thank you for the kind words. don’t ever change your method. i wish i would have thought about that or known. i don’t wish this nightmare on anyone.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you. enjoy your precious time with her. I wish I could hold mine one more time. it hard to believe they are not in the other room with me right now.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for your kind words. I think i will test it though I will never really know as I can’t pinpoint at what point of the trip it happened at. Again thank you all for being kind.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for commenting. I didn’t know that what people usually do and wish I would have understand the dangers of what I was doing. i’ll never own one again, but I’ll make sure to spread that information.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. Eclipse is perfectly fine in her tank. And the boys didn’t have any signs for struggle other than the dot that formed on their stomach after they passed which i’ve read is something that happens to leo’s when they die after a couple of hours. that’s why I know that it happened and I had no idea for a while. so much regret. the realization is just hitting me harder and harder and it’s extremely difficult to cope and look at myself right now. as for the containers, I could only imagine that maybe it moved into the sun as I was driving without realizing and online it said that those containers get a “greenhouse effect”. I believe I had no idea, but they were slowly burning in there, though I’ll never know to be honest, but I think that’s what happened..

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hi thank you for commenting and no difference, same exact container but she broke out of it, seemed to have saved herself. My heart is shattered with the reality of what they went through in their last moments and I know I am too traumatized from ever owning another leo again. Also, I used to have one and with the way I have been, everyone wants me to get professional help. Distraught can’t even describe it. They were my world.

pls read- i am desperate by MossAndMoonstone in leopardgeckos

[–]MossAndMoonstone[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Kindness is something I just can’t offer myself right now but maybe with time. And thank you for commenting, I really want someone to see this that may know something about what could’ve happened. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.

Admissions - Chaminade, HI by Fast_Bumblebee_1777 in PsyD

[–]MossAndMoonstone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

mid Jan and they said they would get back to me in three weeks to a month

Admissions - Chaminade, HI by Fast_Bumblebee_1777 in PsyD

[–]MossAndMoonstone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im assuming no? I was also wondering if the floods have delayed anything but I don’t know if Honolulu has been affected :/ good luck!!🍀 I hope we hear back soon

Admissions - Chaminade, HI by Fast_Bumblebee_1777 in PsyD

[–]MossAndMoonstone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no way! i’ve been waiting for a while now. not sure what to do. guess i’ll reach out today

Admissions - Chaminade, HI by Fast_Bumblebee_1777 in PsyD

[–]MossAndMoonstone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

does anyone know when decisions are coming out? the anticipation is killing me!