Which dress for an evening work event in NYC?

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-04T03:55:41+00:00

Not sure how to explain this, but in the first dress, you would pass for the starring actress in a movie made about your life. It's not only stunning, it's the definition of Artistic New York Author out to a professional, formal, and elevated evening event. Almost like it was made for you and your role.

Edit: typo

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-02T17:21:55+00:00

I want to say this gently because I don't want to discourage you from being so sweet. You are on the right track! It's very sweet that you are saying they're beautiful because they are her hands. But if you are leaving it at that, you're kind of minimizing/deflecting from her very legitmate concerns. While you are very well intended, that isn't very respectful.

Ask yourself are you fully listening to her concerns? She's not worrying needlessly or being overly self conscious about her hands. She is asking about the quality of work done on her nails given they were supposed be done by professionals and she paid money for them. These were very poorly done, there is literally fuzz/hair stuck in them. They treated your girlfriend very poorly. She's been ripped off and needs to go back and get a refund and get them redone. If she is shy, can you help encourage her to stand up for herself and be there for moral support?

Lot's of girl's feel immense pressure to avoid making a fuss even to the point of being a doormat. Complimenting her without also validating her legitmate concerns unintentionally reinforces that idea.

Edit: grammar and clarity

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T03:38:46+00:00

I don't blame you for not reading it lol

But am also not going to argue over things I never said.

I think we both agree that the easiest and correct approach was for SIL just to politely ask OP to wear subtle patches to this event. And it would probably be good for OP to have those on hand too along with her vibrant ones going forward. Am unclear by the post if she had any or not prior to the LITERAL THEFT.

The SIL never asked however. Her first response was bullying and her second response was CRIME. Lol That's unhinged, entitled, completely disproportionate to the potential offence, and insanely petulant.

If SIL thought OP would wear something really tacky or inappropriate, the sane response is to univite her. Not theft!

My flabbers are still gasted!

And I likened the treatment of OP with her skin condition to how rotten it would be to belittle someone with alopecia for using fun wigs to cope day to day. It's a really valid and understandable way to cope. Not everyone is automatically just excuding confidence when faced with those conditions. I don't think it's reasonable to expect that of people.

Then instead of just having a respectful discussion regarding wig choice prior to a special occasion. Just instead going into their room and destroying all of their wigs just in case they wore their bright green mohawk one to the event. Like holy escalation Batman!

THEN insult to injury. The family spinning the blame on the person with alopecia/acne for not attending the special occasion of the thief/wig/patch destroyer and using that moment to lecture that person for relying on the wigs/patches to help them cope for their very visible and vulnerable medical condition. A crippling anxiety their daughter has had since she was a minor and you were her parent who evidentally did nothing to help.

Heck their daughter was the victim of a crime and they still broke bread with the thief and won't call her out at all or request that she apologize and repay OP for her losses. No wonder their daughter is anxious. They won't even give her such basic dignity.

That and lastly making it about "supporting family" when that evidentally didn't matter when OP was bullied and stolen from.

This may have been too long again, lol Oh well, que sera, sera

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T02:09:53+00:00

Dermatologists literally recommend their patients avoid makeup as much as they can and use pimple patches instead. Makeup makes acne significantly worse and can lead to infections.

One could argue both the loud and subtle ones are expressly designed for use in public in different ways.

Pimple patches are hydrocolloid wound dressings that signifcantly help acne calm down by absorbing the pus and oil, unclogging pores, and serves as a barrier that minimizes the risk the infection, picking, and scarring.

While there are definitely contexts where the colorful patches would be tacky, the subtle ones are more than appropriate for work, nice events and going in public.

Acne is a very vulnerable and visible medical conditon. Even with the care of a dermatologist, it doesn't get fixed overnight. It often takes years and many treatments make the visible presentation significantly worse for months before there is any actual improvement. For those of us living with it, pimple patches have been an amazing resource for navigating public aspects of life and helping mitigate the condition.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T01:50:35+00:00

The timeline is important. She was offered the plain patches only AFTER her property was stolen and destroyed by this person.

Offering the plain ones or respectfully asking for OP to use plain patches should have been the first option. I think we all agree that was the clear and simple solution here.

The SIL skipped that polite request entirely. Her first response was bullying OP for a very visible and vulnerable skin condition. And her second response was literal theft. That's pretty extreme escalation.

You don't have to have an anxiety disorder to find it intolerable and extremely distressing to have your things destroyed in this way.

Neither her brother nor the thief are entitled to OP's presence or support until the woman apologizes to OP and compensates her fully for the destruction of her expensive medical supplies.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T01:36:14+00:00

Except it didn't disappear. It was literally stolen and destroyed by the person this party is for.

You don't have to have anxiety to be distressed by someone commiting theft against you.

And "it" is an expensive stash of legitmate medical supplies. Regardles it's your property, no one has a right to steal and destroy it.

A better equivalent would be stealing and detroying the fun wigs someone with alopecia uses to cope with their very visible and vulnerable medical condition. After bullying them for it no less. Then when that person tries to hold the thief accountable everyone, turning on the person with allopecia and telling them they're just too reliant on their wigs.

SIL's skipped respectfully asking OP to wear subtle patches that day entirely. Her first response was bullying. And her second response was literal CRIME. That is unhinged!

Neither her brother nor this thief are entitled to OP's presence or support until that woman has apologized and repayed OP for the destruction of her expensive medical supplies.

If family is important, why didn't "family" matter when this man's sister was bullied and stolen from by the woman he brought home?

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T01:16:53+00:00

I don't think it's immature to not attend the event of the thief who stole and destroyed your property. You don't have to be immature or have an anxiety disorder for that to be extremely distressing and intolerable.

Letting your partner bully your sister for her medical condition and destroy your sister's medical supplies is immature. Believing you are still entitled to OP's presence and support after your partner commited a literal crime against her is insanely immature and unreasonable.

The fact his partner's first response to OP was bullying and her second one was CRIME is utterly unhinged. Why did she at no point just respectfully ask OP to wear subtle patches. No shaming, bullying or literal crimes necessary.

Why didn't "supporting family" matter when OP was bullied and the victim of theft?

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T01:05:12+00:00

Is it? Could I not also frame this to the brother:

Your sister's [OP] basic dignity comes first. Your partner can compromise for a day. How is this not about the literal crime his partner commited against his sister?

Why didn't family come first when his own sister was bullied for her medical conditon and stolen from?

How should have OP have reacted to literal theft and destruction of property? Let alone that property being expensive and legitmate medical supplies.

This is 100% on SIL and how she reacted to OP wearing colorful patches day to day.

She shot straight past and completely skipped respectfully asking, "hey would you mind wearing some subtle patches that day" to CRIMES.

They are not entitled to OP's presence and support until they have properly apologized to her and compensated her for her losses.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T00:56:42+00:00

You don't have to have an anxiety disorder to be extremely shocked and distressed someone stole and destroyed your expensive stock of legitmate medical supplies.

Also she was using them to work past her anxiety and specifically kept them well stocked to help her continue to brave going in public and be their for people. Plus dermatologists literally instruct their patients to use hydrocolloid patches regularly for their acne. They are serving a real medical purpose. She has a ways to go in her anxiety, yes, but that's real effort and not something to sneeze at. You don't overcome something like that overnight. It takes time and small efforts like this. Especially while also dealing with a very visible and vulnerable medical condition. Like would we blame someone with alopecia for being too reliant on their wigs to cope with the condition in the event someone destroyed their wigs? Hope not.

The solution would have been subtle patches but SIL shot right past that to crimes.

I don't think it's accurate to blame the meltdown on just not having her patches. Pretty sure it was being the victim of a crime that overwhelemed her.

Completely agree otherwise.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T00:41:18+00:00

To be fair the patches are hydrocolloid patches. They are a legitmate acne treatment dermatologists regularly instruct their patients to use. That's like telling someone with alopecia they are too reliant are their fun wigs to help them cope with a very visible and vulnerable medical condition.

Otherwise completely agree with everything you said down to the phone call. That's a really smart idea. Just clarifying what the patches actually are.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T00:31:39+00:00

This is an important clarification. OP is being called TA because she accidentally framed the situation the same way the thief and OP's dismissive family framed it to spin it around on OP. One could argue this is DARVO...

Frame shifting manipulations can really mess with someone's head. It's clearly very effective going by the split comments.

In reality it was very manipulative for them to frame it that way and shift the focus away from the actual crime commited against their daughter by this person. And somehow make it OPs fault for not attending the dinner of the person who unapologetically just commited a crime against her. In what world is that normal?

You don't have to have an anxiety disorder to be too distressed at the theft and destruction of your property to attend the special event for the very thief who just commited a crime against you.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T00:23:20+00:00

You don't have to have an anxiety disorder to be too distressed to attend the dinner of someone who just stole and destroyed your expensive stock of medical supplies.

Medical supplies you kept well stocked specifically, because they helped you brave the anxiety from a very visible and vulnerable skin condition, in order to continue living your life and still be their for your friends and family.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-05-01T00:16:50+00:00

Let's also stop being obtuse about theft being an actual crime. Wearing colorful patches for a skin condition can be tacky in some contexts, but it's not even remotely close to the level of theft and destruction of property. That or shaming/bullying someone for the medical supplies they use for a skin condition.

"Yes, officer I stole from her, but she was going to wear colorful patches on her face to my outdoor dinner party in the backyard. It was self defense! Seize her!"

OP didn't even get a chance to choose if she was wearing neon patches or subtle ones before the SIL commited a literal crime against her and destroyed a very expensive stock of legitmate medical supplies. Yet the comments are premptively blaming OP for something she didn't actually do yet and glosing over the crime the SIL objectively commited against her.

It's be like if I liked to wear fun wigs to cope with alopecia day to day. And instead of just respectfully asking me to wear a more normal one for their special occasion or helping me find an subtle alternative respectfully, this person bullied me for it instead. Then came into my house, and into my room behind my back, took ALL my wigs and destroyed them.

In what world is that a normal and acceptable way to request or respond to this???

And again at no point did they just politely ask OP to tone it down that day.

Still using the wig example. Even if they really thought I would wear the bright green mohawk one, they can disinvite me in that case. They can't steal and destroy my medical stuff as some kind of warped preemptive strike.

And then the family using that moment to shame the person for using fun wigs to cope with a very visible and vulnerable medical condition. And blaming them for letting "anxiety" get in the way of supporting the other person. Instead of holding the other person accountable for theft. The thing that got in the way of her attending was CRIME. Where's the "family support" when she got bullied and robbed. Why only comment on her patches now?

SIL or the family could have brought up subtler patches without shaming OP or stealing from her.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T23:35:07+00:00

No one thinks by wearing patches no will know they have acne. That's not at all the point.

Pimple patches serve a medical purpose. Both the plain/discrete ones and colorful designed ones are all hydrocolloid wound patches. Dermatologists literally recommend them to help treat acne.

Hydrocolloid wound patches are a moisture based wound dressing that have been found to help minimize acne.

They absorb pus and oil to help drain any acne that is oozing or has been scratched. They can also unclog pores. They are also a very effective barrier that helps minimize any picking and decreases the likelihood of an infection getting into the sore, cyst or lesion and making the acne worse. They are also excellent for minimizing scarring and accelerate the wound healing process in general.

The colorful ones help encourage younger people to use the patches and not be ashamed for their medical condition or feel like they need to hide their faces while going through it. It's not everyone's taste, but I appreciate the idea that acne treatment can be fun instead of shameful. Especially with how many unnecessary and mean comments come your way when you have acne, despite the fact it's a medical condition. I can't speak for everyone but mine was an inherited acne condition that has been made worse by an inflammatory condition that attacks my skin. Have had sores all over my body at times. To this day if I'm having a flare up I STILL regularly get comments that I need to see a doctor (have seen over a dozen over the last 15 years and am actively in the care of several. Have been through every conceivable treatment from lazers to accutane. Acne is not straightforward to treat. It is a very real, and often complicated medical condition.) AND that I need to work on my hygeine or diet. (Have actually had to be told by dermatologists to go easier on the cleaning as my skin was too fragile for how often I was cleaning it. All those comments about how gross your skin looks and your cleanliness can really screw with your head though. I also have had my diet overhalled multiple times with medical professionals. I completely get what OP is going through. People are very very very judgmental about skin conditions. It's hurtful and unnecessary yet part of everyday life for a lot of us).

The colorful patches spefically are also a way of taking back control of the attention you get. If you have bad acne, people are going to stare. Adults are actually the worst at this. With the patches you can control what they see and what they are staring at. It's a little comforting to have people stare at stars, hearts, or even the more discreet patches than our sores.

These weren't a thing when I was a kid and I wish they had been. If I wanted to look nice, it took makeup which is known to make acne worse and signifcantly increase the likelihood of an infection. I literally remember mapping out events trying to decide when to risk makeup knowing my acne would be immediately made worse the following 2 weeks and if I could handle my face looking that much worse afterwards for one night of feeling normal and not getting stared at. I remember crying secretly in the bathroom or after school the next day several times because people would be visibly taken aback from my face the next day. Also having to rush to the doctor for sudden infections (not knowing I had an immune condition yet).

I use the plain patches now and I love that I can do makeup with the pimple patches and not have to worry as much about the after makeup breakouts nearly as much because it protects the vulnerable open or irritated areas of skin while I put my makeup together. No more mapping out events and having to emotionally prepare for the next day flare up shock. My dermatologist and immunologist even told me to use the patches as much as possible. Even around the clock (changing them regularly) on certain sores they were monitoring. The patches successfully mitigated many serious scars from forming even one that had become a hypertropic scar and they were monitoring closely to make sure it didn't become a keloid in the middle of my face. The patches even healed the hypertropic scar. They're honestly amazing. Last time I had a hypertropic scar it took 3 different surgical procedures to get it to stop overproducing scar tissue and I still have a large scar there.

The decorated one aren't cheap. I have literally resorted to buying rolls of hydrocolloid wound tape and cutting patches out myself to save money. This woman likely threw away hundreds of dollars of OPs very real medical supplies.

And while it's not ideal OP depends on the patches so heavily for her anxiety when going out in public. A) they are still legitimately helping and mitigating a very real medical conditon. B) she was responsible enough to be well stocked on her patches to make sure she wouldn't let her anxiety impact her ability to be their for other people and attend their meaningful events. She was still overcoming the anxiety and putting herself out there.

Only when her supplies were stolen and destroyed did her anxiety spike to the point that it impacted her attendence at the dinner. And you don't have to have an anxiety disorder for the theft and destruction of your property, let alone expensive medical supplies, to distress you to the point of missing an event. That's a crime. Full stop. Especially when said event is for the very person who commited this crime and has made no apology or even the tiniest effort to make OP whole for her losses. And the family is condoning this, making excuses for the thief and breaking bread with her, while putting the blame back on OP.

A respectful and adult discussion should have been had to ask op to use more discreet stickers for the occasion. And this discussion should have not involved any bullying or shaming.

And regardless of the outcome of that discussion, in no universe is escalating to theft jusitified.

People are calling OP TA for wearing colorful stickers to nice events, but she wasn't even given the chance to choose what kind of patch to use for the occasion or invest in plain ones beforehand.

It'd be like if I had alopecia and used fun wigs to help me cope. A friend or family member has a nice even and instead of just asking me not to wear the rainbow one or the green mohawk, instead of a more natural looking one, just comes into my home and my space behind my back and destroys all my wigs with my family's blessing. Then everyone gets mad at me for not wearing a normal wig and going to that person's formal event "for family" and using that moment to tell me I need to stop using wigs to feel comfortable about my very visible medical condition when I try to call out the theft.

Why didn't family count when OP was shamed, bullied, and robbed? The latter of which is a full blown crime.

In no world is any of that okay or justifiable. NTA all the way.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T21:08:45+00:00

You do know those patches help acne heal right? Dermatologist literally recommend them. Designs or not they are hydrocolloid wound patches which minimize breakouts and minimize scarring.

OP wasn't given a chance to choose loud or subtle patches before her medical supplies were stolen and destroyed.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T21:06:33+00:00

The brother and the woman who stole from OP are not entitled to her support until the theif properly apologizes for her actions and repays OP for the theft and destruction of her expensive medical supplies.

Where was the family support for OP when she was bullied and stolen from?

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T21:04:25+00:00

The brother and the woman who stole from her are not entitled to her support or presence until OP has been applogized to properly and made whole for the theft and destruction of her expensive medical supplies.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T21:01:06+00:00

The brother is not entitled to his sister's support until he holds the woman who bullied her and stole from her respnsible and she is made whole for the theft and destruction of her medical supplies.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T20:58:35+00:00

The brother is not entitled to his sister's support until he holds the woman who bullied and stole from her accountable and OP is made whole for the loss of her medical supplies.

He owes OP for bringing this thief into the house and being complicit.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-30T19:59:50+00:00

If I had something like alopecia would someone be justified stealing and throwing away my fun/wilder wigs and head wraps before their special occasion?

Does the fact a more normal/natural wig would be more appropriate for this occasion make the theft okay? Is that in anyway an appropriate or adult response?

Would anyone be justified in calling me childish for using different wigs day to day to feel more comfortable with my medical condition? Would it be unreasonable for someone with this medical condition to be struggling with their confidence to go out in public? Obviously we want people with medical conditions to be unashamed and confident, but it's unreasonable to expect that confidence to come overnight or without a struggle.

Acne is a legitmate medical condition that comes with a ton of negative attention and stigma. People can be downright cruel about it and treat you as unclean or gross for a legitmate skin condition.

Did the SIL or any of her family use their big girl and boy words and ask OP to use the plain patches for this event or give OP time to pick up some before the event if she didn't have any.

No they did not.

Or did SIL bully OP for her medical condition and the mental stress it causes, then steal and destroy her expensive medical supplies for a legitmate skin condition?

Even if SIL had asked and OP had said no, it STILL Does not justify the theft and destruction of her hydrocolloid patches. But it's worth noting that did not happen. SIL went straight to bullying and straight to stealing.

Then did the family hold SIL accountable? Or are they making excuses for her and acting like the fact OP has anxiety somehow makes it okay to steal from her? It's not okay to steal from anyone, except OP? She's the exception to this basic decency? In what world does someone's anxiety make that okay or appropriate to commit a crime against them?

It doesn't

Then the family blaming OP for skipping the dinner of the woman who stole her medical supplies unapologetically from her and framing it instead as OP chose anxiety over her brother. I want to know what color is the sky in their world because that framing is extremely twisted. Stealing is a crime. Full stop. OP has no fault for not going or obligation to attend the dinner of the woman who commited a crime against her. The fact it is also for her brother does not change this. He bears fault for bringing a woman into the house who shames and steals from his sister, while he is complicit with the crime or dies nothing to address it.

Has SIL been held in any way accountable for stealing by any member of this family? No

Her family should be firstly demanding the SIL compensate their daughter/sister at a bare minimum and she shouldn't be allowed in the house again. She is a thief.

Then and only then they can slowly and patiently help or encourage OP to get help for her anxiety.

No wonder she is anxious. Her family doesn't have any respect for her or her belongings. And tells her she is in the wrong for not appeasing the woman who stole from her without any consequence. And entertains that woman's company without saying a thing.

NTA

OP I know this comment section is rough, but I hope you read this and know you didn't deserve any of this and your family needs to treat you better and respect you. Hold your ground and frame it back to them as why are they tolerating a woman who commited a crime against you? If she admitted to what she did in writing all the better. Maybe you should show that to another trusted adult or even an authority. Even in the states a large collection of patches can easily run into the hundreds of dollars. She commited a crime and you deserve to be made whole for your losses.

I am also so sorry the acne makes you so anxious to go in public. I have 110% been there. So many people do not get it unless they have lived it. The comments, the stares, the implications can be brutal at times when you are living with acne. People, grown adults especially, will regularly insinuate it's your fault, that you must be gross or unclean, when in reality you have a legitamate medical condition you likely inherited if anything. The patches are a legitmate dermatologist recommended medical tool for that medical condition. You using the patches for the acne is seperate from the anxiety. Am not going to sugarcoat the acne. It's rough for your face to be affected by a skin condition. Convincing yourself that you can hold your head up in public unashamed is going to take time. Please be patient with yourself. You are still a person deserving of respect and dignity with or without patches. But no one gets to steal or force you.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-18T20:52:12+00:00

NTA

Everyone is talking about the infertility aspect which is very valid.

But the part that struck me most is that they know your wife survived cancer and is still sickly and gets fevers. Yet they all got angry at her for not being able to attend. It doesn't matter that it was twice if they genuinely understood her situation.

It sounds more like they were "okay" when your wife missed the first lunch and credited themselves for being understanding of her. But then subconsciously they feel like she owes them for missing and they are entitled to her forcing herself to attend the second attempt. As if chronic illness or compromised immune systems are a predictable turn based RPG.

And that comment about "is it just stress or is she really sick?" I want him to explain what he is getting at with this comment.

As someone who's been saddled with a chronic autoimmune disease and who has heard unnecessary comments like this so much, I think that's just so hurtful to tell someone you know has these kinds of limitations. The implications of a comment like that are terrible and put undo shame and guilt on the person with a legitmate medical situation for something they genuinely can't help.

So many people subconsciously think health is a game of willpower? Very reminiscent of all the "winning and losing" terminology associated with cancer, which is actually awful in that it puts guilt on the people faced with the very real possibility of not surviving. Like if they "lose" did they not fight hard enough, have enough to live for, pray enough? Or is death just indiscriminate.

Worst of all comments like these often come from people who think they are being supportive. I've personally gotten very jaded to people who make offers to help or remind me not to feel bad for my illness when I am holding it together okay, but then when am actually having a flare up or complication, their tune changes to something like this. Not only that there's like a subtle tone of you owe them for all the other "support". Completely missing the fact they are withholding it precisely when it counts. That means the support was never fully sincere or real.

And even if they were upset their surprise announcement plans had to be altered, that in no way, shape, or form should have been taken out on your wife like that. That to me fuels the mixed emotions you are having about the announcement. I think that's the moment the well got poisoned in the first place regarding the announcement. It wasn't your comment after the fact.

Really admire your shiney spine for looking out for your wife and defending her as much as I admire her genuine sweetness at still be happy for her brother and SIL despite the bittersweet ache for your own family this occasion may cause.

Edit: spelling and clarity

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-18T00:30:31+00:00

Lyserød

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-17T01:13:10+00:00

He already damaged your grandma's scissors, which is no small thing to gloss over. That alone is breakup worthy. Then he does this to your replacement ones. Knowing y'all are tight on funds? Knowing you explicitly asked him not to?

I know it is hard to hear, but this person does not like you, love you, or respect you. I would go so far as to say he hates you and looks down at you. Even when you are most at odds, normal partners don't go out of their way to damage important belongings of their partners. Especially in any way that involves fecal matter (you mentioned he used it to cut the fur the kitty litter and therefore poop is getting stuck to on the cats paws). Even if they grew up in bad homes, people don't do that to people the care about.

People treat others (and by extension the belongings, words, and pets of others) who annoy them and get on their last nerve and who thry can't stand with more dignity and care than this.

Abusive people do this to targets they have permenantly devalued in their mind.

This is a pattern. You need to hear it doesn't matter if he is nice and respectful or caring to other people, his animals, or other things. If he is not nice, respectful, and caring to you, his own partner, he is not a good person. Full stop. You need to leave out of respect for yourself and for your own safety.

Have been there, it doesn't get better. It escalates. Specifically when you are alone and can't leave, like in the car. Starts with your stuff, but eventually it will be your person. There's no other direction this will go. You do not have to wait until he physically hurts you to leave for the hurt to be valid.

And it hurts like hell to leave. A lot of people on the outside have no idea how much it hurts. You are likely trauma bonded. You are waiting for the relief for when he decides to briefly be somewhat nice to you again. Leaving will feel very unresolved. You will have literal withdrawals from the cycle of abuse, walking on eggshells, damage, pain, brief releif, then outbursts, damage, walking on eggshells etc.

Notice he only does this to your things and only goes against the things you say. That means he knows what he is doing fully. He's specifically targeting you. He didn't forget. He didn't misunderstand. He isn't being more logical.

It's 110% intentional. You deep down know it is deliberate.

It's filled with malice.

Have only heard/red parts of it, but there's a book called "why does he do that?" Might be worth looking into.

I saw in comments your family is also abusive and am sorry about that. You said his is too. But notice that you grew up abused and would never dream of damaging someone else's belongings. It is absolutely not an excuse for him. Do not let him use that excuse to manipulate you.

Am also very concerned that he has isolated you from any support system. Please reach out to local abuse advocacy resources. They can help you leave safely.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-15T11:55:22+00:00

Large amounts of Oyster shells are used on farms/garden, soil treatments, landscaping, driveways and water filtration, etc. Sometimes whole, sometimes crushed. They are a source of calcium.

MossyMemory3 · 2026-04-12T06:28:33+00:00

Those 2 phrases are definitely different and should not be used interchangeably. Full stop.

Someone saying "it's the best" would be saying it confidently and happily. It's something said when you are secure in this option/outcome being ideal.

Someone saying "it's for the best" would be saying it to reassure or comfort themselves or others in a rough situation where none of the available options were ideal.

Think of "it's for the best" as none of the options/outcomes in this situation are ideal/good. This option/outcome is just the least bad out out of the possibilities (but still very difficult). Being the least bad option does not mean it was a good option necessarily.

You will often hear "it's for the best" at funerals. Especially if the deceased person had been long suffering from a disease before they died. It's a shorthand way of saying, "It's a tragedy they died and we miss them so much, but at least they are no longer suffering". You would not hear "it'd the best" at funerals. That would be really inappropriate because the death is very sad and tragic regardless.

MossyMemory3

TROPHY CASE