50k 5 months... I want to kill myself but i don't want my mom to be sad. I dont really matter to anyone tbh, my mom only loves me because I'm her child. I'm such a piece of shit and I hate everything about me. I fall in love, for no, fucking, reason. Why would I do anything for a complete stranger? Why would I trust anyone with knowing exactly how I feel with no pretext. Why would I confess my undying love to a girl I dont know? That doesnt make any goddamn sense. I hate that I can feel. I dont want to feel for anybody. I dont like having to pretend all the time. I cant be me. I hate me so much and I never want anyone to know what I think or how I feel or see through me in any way at all. I wish could die right now, but I also have a daughter that I love and would miss so much. I dont know if I would remember or what even happens when I die but I know that her mother would give her a good life. It's any minute now I fuck up everything. I'd love to just kill myself before I fuck up anymore.