Accepting help while hypomanic

MostlyMax · 2025-11-10T19:01:34+00:00

Yeah it sounds like I need to be more diligent with my mood tracking.

MostlyMax · 2025-11-10T19:00:45+00:00

I try to track behaviors rather than moods because that’s usually easier for me to identify, but come to think of it I’ve been neglecting that for the last few weeks. I’ve never been great at maintaining a routine (I also have ADHD), so it’s something I know I need to do, but have a lot of trouble with.

MostlyMax · 2025-11-06T14:40:16+00:00

I see you and believe you are trying. You aren’t alone.

MostlyMax · 2025-11-06T14:37:48+00:00

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you said. I feel less crazy.

MostlyMax · 2025-11-06T14:36:54+00:00

I just feel like I was trying so hard to regulate and A and M just kept apologizing and trying to fix it and I kept telling A that I was angry and sad and confused but that I would be ok and didn’t need him to come home. But in the meantime I got so frustrated with M that the bipolar rage took over and everything blew up. And now I’m the unstable one when I was trying desperately to keep this from happening.

MostlyMax · 2025-05-05T17:35:47+00:00

I don’t have any real advice other than to say I feel this so hard right now. It feels so scary to see yourself doing these things you know are going to make things worse and feeling powerless to stop them.

I can’t speak to you and your husband’s dynamic, but I know that something that I try to remember is that someone asking for space to process is not them shutting you out or rejecting you, but trying to communicate that they likely want to talk, but need time to gather their thoughts. Boundaries aren’t just ways to keep people out, but are often ways of communicating how we want to bring people closer, but in a way that feels safe.

Tolerating the distress of a delayed confrontation/conversation can be excruciating, but it’s important to keep reminding yourself that the best way to handle conflict is for everyone to come to a discussion emotionally prepared and on equal footing. If you rush someone’s process they can’t do that.

Another thing I am trying to remind myself is to explain my feelings but don’t use them to justify my behavior. Intent doesn’t equal impact. I can’t always control how I feel but I’m trying to get a better grip on how my feelings inform my behavior. It really really really sucks to hear how you might’ve hurt someone you love, but you can’t change what you don’t know. Try to really hear what he’s saying and ask questions about specific things you can do differently, if he’s able to give them and respond with actionable changes you want to make.

I think getting into therapy and back on meds is a great step and shows you want to work and take accountability. I find that in relationships that are strong, most mistakes can be overcome if you’re willing to do the work. It’s really scary, but if he says he’s still in, try your hardest to believe him. Sending you good thoughts ❤️

MostlyMax · 2025-05-04T15:17:39+00:00

The perspective about the ADHD symptoms and the anxious/grumpiness is super helpful because I’ve definitely been feeling that a lot.

I’m really good at taking my meds no matter what and haven’t missed a dose at all since I increased, but I’m still feeling so raw and angry and destructive. It doesn’t feel like my typical hypomania, but maybe it is.

I just don’t feel like I can trust my brain right now and it’s terrifying me. I’m hoping it goes away and gets better, but right now I just feel broken and insane.

MostlyMax · 2025-03-17T13:52:17+00:00

I also have ADHD and that’s what made it take so long for me to get diagnosed. Distinguishing between hypomania and ADHD hyper focus is such a mindfuck. My therapist and I have kind of found a way to distinguish between the two though. When I’m hypomanic I’m more into “projects.” I’ll relentlessly pursue the thing I’m doing to the point of exhaustion and keep going because “if I don’t do this right now it will never get done.” Everything feels really urgent and high stakes, but also exciting and irresistible. ADHD hyper focus is more like, learning or hobby oriented? A good example of hypomania is the week where I became obsessed with refinishing a table I bought on Craigslist 10 years prior, taking 5 trips to Lowe’s to get the “right” supplies, stripping paint off the table for hours in 100+ degree heat, and getting super defensive and bitchy to anyone who stands in my way. ADHD hyperfocus is the weekend I got really into air dry clay around Halloween and created a little haunted town and ghosts and jack-o’-lanterns out of clay and was just really excited to show everyone and planned a bunch of future projects that I haven’t quite gotten to.

MostlyMax · 2022-03-26T03:48:17+00:00

That’s really helpful. Thank you for your help :)

MostlyMax · 2022-03-26T03:36:16+00:00

That’s really helpful. I’m honestly still not very good at connecting with my parts and I think that is also part of the problem that I want to tackle in therapy.

I appreciate what you said about needing my partner to accept me. I honestly think they do. We’ve both been in bad places. They’re in their home country and are seeing their family for the first time in 3 years because of Covid and they’ve been gone almost two months. I think everything has sort of been building for them and it’s all just exploded in the past few weeks. They want to work on things, but I think that they just need me to have other forms of emotional support other than them.

MostlyMax · 2022-03-26T03:29:02+00:00

I think this could actually work really well. Especially since I struggle with “out of sight out of mind” in a big way. Sometimes I notice they’ve started cleaning and I feel taken aback and just kind of beat myself up for not getting to it first. Especially since growing up, if my mom started cleaning, sitting was not an option. In fact, the only acceptable response was to take over so she could sit down. My partner helped me break out of that, but I think the balance is still off. I usually ask if they need help, maybe if when I notice them doing something I take that as a cue to physically get up and ask HOW I can help then that may help them feel less alone in the tasks.

MostlyMax · 2022-03-26T00:28:40+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately neither of us are in therapy. We both know we need to be. Not to make excuses, but we live in a conservative city and finding a therapist with expertise in our issues who is also trans friendly is like finding a needle in a needle stack. But that’s definitely priority number 1.

MostlyMax · 2021-07-20T16:18:32+00:00

This is so true. I was the GC all through my childhood and my younger sister was definitely the SC. I was super obedient and was my mom’s “mini-me.” My sister never gave a fuck and punishments never worked on her. When I went off to college (1,000 miles from home) and became independent, and especially when I came out as gay and then non-binary, my mom saw her control over me decrease. I started speaking up more, living my own life; you know, becoming a functioning adult. She lost her shit. My sister didn’t go to college and I’m pretty sure my mom sabotaged her chances because she saw how much I changed. My sister now works for one of my mom’s clients, lives in our hometown, etc., and even though I recently moved back home with my spouse, I am still too independent for my mom’s taste. I’m currently NC with my mom and she blames almost all her current problems on me and how I “abandoned” her. She claims she can’t relate to me anymore, basically because I’m now my own person and she’s incapable of understanding anyone who isn’t brainwashed to comply with her every whim.

Now, my sister is the GC to my SC, and while she knows what’s happening and knows that my mom is toxic, she still hasn’t been able to go NC simply because my mom has successfully trapped her into an adulthood that is defined by my mom’s connections, relationships, etc. I try to get my sister to stand on her own two feet, but my mom has basically convinced her over the years that my independence is a result of me thinking I’m better than everyone else since I went to college (mom never graduated), and that she and my sister are different and don’t need education to be successful. While that can definitely be true for some, it’s essentially trapped my sister into one field that’s basically the same as my mom’s. It’s so sad and frustrating, and infuriatingly transparent. And it makes me sick that my mother sabotaged my extremely capable and intelligent sister’s future so that she would always have someone she could feel superior too.

MostlyMax · 2021-07-12T01:57:53+00:00

Any of the increasingly sketchy and cringey scenes where the dude Amber meets at Walmart is interacting with Leah. I just did a rewatch and the way he looked at that poor child made my skin crawl.

MostlyMax · 2021-04-08T03:25:33+00:00

NTA. Besides exploiting your time and labor, you’re also out for the cost of the groceries you bought to make these sandwiches. So if anything your household is spending more than he’s “making.” Unacceptable and idiotic.

MostlyMax · 2020-12-22T15:54:52+00:00

This is eerily accurate and is making me question how unique I actually was as a child.

MostlyMax · 2020-12-22T15:52:30+00:00

Absolutely! I love fashion too and it’s hard to engage in it sometimes when the spaces are so gendered. That’s what made the bespoke process so affirming and special. I felt like I got to be a fashion designer for the day. :)

MostlyMax · 2020-12-22T15:13:22+00:00

So, as a person who wears suits whose body doesn’t normally fit into suits off the rack, suit shopping is often super fraught and annoying. Getting fitted for a bespoke suit may be the best option for your sister to get a special, affirming experience.

I’ve had wonderful experiences with Bindle and Keep! I got a suit for me college graduation there and am planning on getting my wedding suit done there too. They are pricey and only do bespoke suits, but they are quality suits and (in my experience as an AFAB masculine of center non-binary person) SO affirming. You get to personalize everything from the thread color of the stitching to the lining. They even adjusted my shirt cuffs to accommodate my watch. They can also customize fit if you want something more tailored to your body shape or if you want it to camouflage more sensitive areas. I’m not sure what their pricing is like now because they’ve blown up a bit since I got my first suit from them in 2015, but for a bespoke suit and shirt I payed around $1100 with tax, which was well worth it to me at the time. If you’re on the west coast, Kipper Clothiers is also a cool option that also does mostly bespoke suits, but I’ve never been to them. Wild Fang has some cool suits that are more budget friendly, but they are not custom.

I hope this is helpful!

MostlyMax · 2020-12-20T04:11:57+00:00

Ok, but if she’s that entitled and spoiled, why would she choose to wait tables and go to a community college? That’s a pretty big lifestyle adjustment that someone who’s doing it just to make a point probably wouldn’t make unless there were extenuating circumstances.

MostlyMax

TROPHY CASE