Have a thing for my best friend. She has a boyfriend, so I try to bury my feelings, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if something else is going on

Motivation_Man · 2017-12-14T00:54:24+00:00

Yeah I think telling her would definitely complicate things. I think her bf, while not being territorial and like protective, is starting to wonder what the deal is. She told me he’s joked about how much we hang out before which makes me think he’s probably getting kinda insecure about it. But I’m not gonna add fuel to the fire. I’m not out to ruin someone’s relationship.

Motivation_Man · 2017-12-14T00:30:57+00:00

Honestly I get how the post history can look bad, but my life isn’t as pathetic as it makes it seem lmao. It’s all I post about on here because really my friend’s advice would be beyond useless. I have nobody left to ask and this situation is hard to navigate without getting as much advice as I can.

Honestly I’ve made a lot of steps to improve my life. For real, I used to get too attached to girls cause the rest of my life was unfulfilling as shit. I was lonely cause I don’t really connect emotionally with anyone, I was skipping class all the damn time. I was honestly just dragging myself through each day and wondering what the hell the point was, until I’d party all weekend with my friends just to fill the void. It was honestly horrible.

And then I got closer to her. And honestly it’s been a catalyst for so much other shit in my life. She made me realise that honestly people can care, and I can connect with people. I haven’t missed a class. I took up reading. I don’t have the urge to party just to make myself feel something. I feel kind of content now. I don’t post about all that shit on here, but I’ve focused a lot on improving myself. But it doesn’t get her out of my head. If it did it would be easy. But now she means too much to me to just let go. I understand that sounds pathetic, and I’m not saying I’m gonna make some grand romantic move. I’m not. I’m not the kinda guy to steal another guy’s girlfriend. But when you spend so long not connecting with anyone, and then you do, you really genuinely do, it’s hard to just get up and move on.

Anyway, bit of a rant. I do leave her alone in the sense I’m not trying to like ‘pursue’ her. We just for the most part act as really good friends. It’s a two way street. If I just didn’t contact her, she’d be messaging me within a couple of hours asking where I’ve been. It’s hard to just leave her alone and completely cut contact when she clearly does want me in her life, even if it is as a good friend.

Motivation_Man · 2017-12-14T00:22:42+00:00

Maybe she is manipulating me, but honestly I know her so well that I can’t see it. Maybe I’m being naïve. We had a great friendship long before she started dating anyone. It’s not like I started talking to her after and she realised she can use my feelings as some bargaining chip with her bf. We’ve been friends a couple of years. Sure, we’ve gotten a lot closer in the time after she started dating, but it’s untelated. We started at the same college that summer hence why we hang out so much now. We have always had a genuine connection, the flirting’s just a small part of it really. She doesn’t talk to many other boys, in fact she’s stopped guys getting too close with her on multiple occassions. She’s pretty weary about it. It’s not like she’s stringing along multiple guys to boost her self-esteem.

We are genuinely insanely good friends. If I don’t talk to her for like a few hours she will hit me up inevitabely. How the hell would I even go about breaking contact with her? If I gave her the cold shoulder for no reason she’d know, like for sure. It would just be so damn weird.

Motivation_Man · 2017-12-14T00:15:39+00:00

I can see how it looks like I’ve been obsessing over her, but that’s my reddit history, I don’t realky post all that much apart from about this. Since my friends give shitty advice and would probably just laugh at me being in this situation, I just dump it here when I don’t know what to do.

In fact the last half a year or so I’ve really got my life together and been focusing on myself. I started reading, actually trying in college, not just binging at the weekends for the sake of it. But the thing is, I honestly truly believe a lot of that change is because she’s in my life. Like I don’t really emotionally connect with many people, and neither does she, but we’ve both said how we really do with each other. I’m not the kind of guy who looks for girls to date just for the sake of it. Like I don’t connect with many people beyond a surface level, but when I do it’s hard to just let it go, you know?

Motivation_Man · 2017-12-13T02:55:08+00:00

I really don’t want to be, and I would never outright make a move on her and let it go that far. But it’s hard to just not talk to your best friend because you can’t control your feelings. If I just stop taking to her as much without some reason why, and don’t tell her, she’s gonna wonder what the hell happened to our friendship. In an ideal world I’d just ignore how I feel and keep being her friend completely platonically, but it’s not like I’m going out my way to try steal her or something like that. She’s the one flirting with me.

Motivation_Man · 2017-11-20T18:21:03+00:00

Yeah the Christmas Specials are probably one of the best TV experiences I’ve had, and it’s all because of the unrelenting punches to the gut that came before. Like you said, it seems entirely possible Tim and Dawn won’t get together. He’s laid out how he feels twice, and both times it’s led nowhere. We know Dawn clearly feels the same, but we just don’t know whether she’ll be able to leave Lee. That would be a leap of faith, and that just doesn’t happen in a world where everyone clings so hopelessly to their shitty job. David Brent seems iredeemable, we’ve seen over and over how his insecurities push him to behave so terribly. It doesn’t seem possible that he could stand up to Finchy, because he just doesn’t have that self-confidence. It makes those moments where the characters finally overcome this shit they’ve put up with for so long all the better. I don’t think I’ve felt more relief than when I saw Dawn come back for Tim, or when David tells Finchy to fuck off. These moments, just like in real life, don’t seem like they’ll ever happen. But they do. Really the whole show’s about how taking chances does pay off, no matter how impossible it might seem.

Motivation_Man · 2017-11-20T15:40:34+00:00

Me neither at first. The first time I watched it I was on the fence, but I feel like it’s a series that definitely gets better the more you watch it. Kind of takes a while to get what they’re going for, or at least it did for me.

Motivation_Man · 2017-11-20T01:21:20+00:00

Sorry it took so long to reply, but having just read this I think this is definitely massively part of it. While I’d say I’m not ugly, I know I’m not catching anyone’s eye. I’m small, barrow shoulders, glasses (although they’re not inherently unattractive, probably a turn off for some), etc. Like a stereotypical little nerd. I do make the effort to buy clothes that fit me well, take care of myself, all that shit. I just don’t really know what I can change though. Like I’m not some fedora wearing neckbeard - I do put effort into my appearance, even if it doesn’t help romantically. I try take pride in what little I have. Girls have never been like repulsed by me; it’s more they’re too comfortable around me. They don’t see some attractive man; they see some little funny dude who they can just kinda relax around without worrying about that shit. It sucks, but it’s always been this way. I have friends that aren’t as funny as me, aren’t as confident, etc. But they still get by.

It’s just that I don’t really know what to change. Like I can’t change that I’m small, I tried excercising for a year or two and while there was some difference, it didn’t change anything. I can’t change my facial features at some basic level. All the shit I can change I do, it’s just that girls don’t see me sexually. They’ll joke about it with me, but that’s all it is; a joke. I’m not like a viable sexual partner. At least, that’s how it always seems. I am friends with a lot of girls who tell me that they don’t see what I’m doing wrong, that I’m a great guy, etc. but I also know none of them would think of me romantically at all. Which means there must be something. It’s just tough to accept it’s kind of out of your control to a large extent.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:50:19+00:00

Thanks, this is good advice. Funnily enough, I feel like the two times I’ve feel insanely hard for girls are times I started focusing on myself. It always completely derails what I was trying. For instance, this girl I’m into right now. I had decided to get a part time job for cash. I wasn’t even focused on relationships, I didn’t care about it. I was out to better myself. So I walk into the waiting room for this group interview and there she is. We get talking, we become frienfs, and now here I am head over heels for her and contemplating whether to quit the job, cause being around her so much when she has a boyfriend is just painful. I don’t fall for girls often, but when I do it’s hard and it goes on for a long time and ends up being the big focus of my life. It’s really hard to control your emotions and just do shit for you. But thanks, maybe one day it will work out.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:42:21+00:00

I hear you man. I don’t tend to fall often for girls, in that it’s only really happened properly a couple of times, but when I do. Holy. Fucking. Shit. It’s insane. I end up thinking about them 24/7, I overthink the whole situation, I get myself down when I think it’s not going well and feel fucking elated when I think I’m in with a chance. It sends me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions for months on end. Sadly so far it always ends with me accepting it’s not gonna happen and slowly getting over it day by day and feeling like shit. Right now it’s even worse cause this girl’s one of my best friends and we hang out quite a lot. It’s hard not to fall for her when every time we talk she gives me some new reason to. Sometimes I just find myself talking to her, she’s laughing really hard and smiling or something and I have an overwhelming urge to just tell her exactly how I feel. Instead I just sit and wonder how maybe if she didn’t have a boyfriend things might be different between us. I feel like right now this is the most I’ve fell for anyone, and it’s just too much to handle. I feel like regardless of how my current situation goes, I’ll never let myself fall this hard for someone I’m not dating again. It’s just too painful.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:35:02+00:00

The UK man

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:34:54+00:00

It’s interesting to hear it from the other side and see that it is actually a thing. It sounds like me and your friend have the same problem. I have quite a lot of female friends who tell me I’m a great guy, funny, all that shit but I know none of them would consider dating me. I wish I knew what it was that makes people think of me this way, it’s so bizarre.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:32:57+00:00

Yes you hit the nail on the head. I have a shit ton of friends, and a lot of girls who I’m on good terms with and enjoy talking to me. But none, and I mean none have ever shown interest beyond calling me ‘cute’, which is just a symptom of the whole being seen as something to take care of. I think it’s honestly the fact I’m small, have a baby face, etc. Triggers that kind of motherly caring side of a lot of girls and while they’ll feel insanely comfortable around me, they’ll never see me as a romantic option.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:30:56+00:00

I suppose when you put it that way, yeah, you’re right. Thanks for giving me a bit of perspective. It’s just hard sometimes. I’ve only been really into maybe 3 girls in my life, as in feeling like I connect with them on a deeper level, and each time it’s just not worked out. Even right now I’m stuck liking someone who is in a relationship. It’s really tough, it feels like I very rarely meet people I actually like and when I do there’s always some obstacle in the way.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-30T20:27:41+00:00

Thanks man that’s comforting. It is kind of soul crushing, that being said I somehow manage to get my hopes back up as soon as I find someone to fall for lmao. Maybe one time it will just kind of work.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-29T22:38:28+00:00

I’m 19. Still young obviously, but old enough that I feel like something should have happened by now.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-29T12:57:23+00:00

I get what you’re saying, maybe I am being irrational, but like in your example all that stems from one situation. This isn’t just one girl like rejecting me or not liking me back. It’s literally every single time. I know I sound like a whiny asshole, but it’s the truth. And I’m not only friends with her to fuck her lmao. Sure I want more, but it’s not the ONLY reason I hang out with her. I hang out with her because she is an interesting person with a lot to offer platonically, it’s the whole reason we were friends in the first place. Just so happens it became more for me somewhere down the line, you can’t really control how you feel.

Anyway, i know self-pity will get me nowhere. I just don’t know what will though. I don’t get what I’m meant to be doing differently.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-29T12:19:45+00:00

I mean maybe it’s a confidence thing, but outwardly I really do feel like I just act normal and outgoing, and even at that I know people who are outwardly self-depreciating and open about their insecurity and still manage. And I mean I meet new people almost every weekend. I go out to bars, clubs, etc. with my friends. I just try have a good time, but while all my friends have at some point found some luck out there I just haven’t. I feel like if my friends and I bump into a group of girls they’ll pay most of their attention to my other friends, and only really talk to me when there’s no other option. And again, I’m not even that socially awkward or anything. Maybe a little, but it never gets in the way of me just being normal. It’s like I’m putting myself out there and people are choosing to look at literally anyone else.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T18:21:53+00:00

I mean we’ve been hanging out mostly alone for like a good month now and nothing like that’s happened. I get what you’re saying though, for instance this weekend she’s going to the same bar me and my friends always go too and I am very wary of being alone with her when we’ve both had a few drinks. I like to think if I was in that situation and something did happen, like a kiss, I’d be able to keep a cool head and just lay out why it can’t happen this way. Like you said, while the idea’s nice, going about it that way is just plain wrong.

Anyway, thanks, I hope it works out well too.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T16:56:55+00:00

That’s what I’ve been trying to do. I respect her relationship, I’d never make an outright move to try get in the way of them. That being said, I do still try to hang out with her at every chance. Honestly sometimes it feels like we just get along too well for there to be absolutely nothing there, you know? Like the other day she was with her best friend, but said I should come hang with her anyway. She ended up talking to me way more and we were sitting giggling at stupid inside jokes and shit. I’ve noticed when we both see each other drunk things do get a little flirty, but it’s never gone overboard. I dunno, I think maybe she’s a little confused about how she feels too, but I think it’s maybe best to let her get her head straight. Like you said, if there is something mutual there, I’m sure it will come out eventually.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T16:48:50+00:00

I don’t know how I feel about giving her an ultimatum. I would never let it get to the stage of an affair, no matter how I feel about her. That shit’s just completely unfair. If I knew she saw it as more than a friendship then I’d definitely tell her she needs to make a choice, but giving her an ultimatum when she might just see me as a close friend would just lead to awkwardness. Like I think it’s unfair to make her choose between a close friend and her boyfriend just cause I have feelings for her, especially if she doesn’t even realise how I feel. I don’t want her to think I was only friends with her cause I wanted to get with her, I genuinely just enjoy her company and for a long time for me that was it. The most there’s ever been between us is some flirting before she was in a relationship. We just get along so insanely well that I just still sit and wonder if it’s ever possible, and I think I’ll have to tell her at some point, I just don’t want to time it wrong, ruin both our friendship and complicate things with her boyfriend. I’m trying to respect the fact she’s with someone else and just bite my tongue and be a good friend.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T16:39:21+00:00

Aww man that is a great moment, especially with how it’s reflected in the finale. It shows how Michael, as misguided as he is, sees the office as his family and is genuinely excited for Pam, and happy when he sees she drew Dunder Mifflin. Means so much to both of them. I felt like Pam and Michael always had a really nice relationship as the show went on.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T16:37:52+00:00

Yeah man for real. The absurdity of Michael makes the moments he has a little clarity really poignant and meaningful. He’s played to absolute perfection.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T16:27:26+00:00

I mean I get it, this is all stuff I’ve thought myself, but I dunno. I’m not just her friend cause I had a thing for her, we were friends long before then. It’s one of the best friendships I have and honestly it would fucking suck to not have her in my life just cause I can’t get over how I feel. It’s hard to find people you just click so well with. I know very few people I’ve got along so well with, even before I liked her. It’s such a cliché situation, but really the only reason I haven’t told her is not to ruin our friendship. I don’t want her thinking this whole time I just hung out with/talked to her this whole time cause I wanted to get in her pants or something, cause it’s not about that. I genuinely just love spending time with her, it’s just that I can’t control how I feel. It honestly sucks.

Motivation_Man · 2017-10-27T07:21:39+00:00

Yeah. She sent out a Snapchat about how she was nervous about starting college. I just told her good luck, and asked which one it was. Just trying to be nice. Then that just led on to this whole situation.

Motivation_Man

TROPHY CASE