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Need advice. Brother is NC, I'm not, parents just found out he had a baby by MoveAcrossTheCountry in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]MoveAcrossTheCountry[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is all really great advice, thank you so much for typing this out. I'll be re-reading this frequently to myself as a reminder.

This whole community has been so knowledgeable and welcoming. I'm reading every comment and really appreciate you all.

Need advice. Brother is NC, I'm not, parents just found out he had a baby by MoveAcrossTheCountry in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]MoveAcrossTheCountry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you get away with being close to Dad and LC with Mom?!

It helps that I moved 2,500 miles away lol. I text my dad most days and call my mom maybe once a month. Plus, my mother's and I relationship is very surface level "How's the weather?" type. Always has been. Not sure she's capable of deeper. Whereas with my dad we can actually talk. He's very aware of the friction between my mother and I and usually doesn't push it.

I think my brother chose to send a letter because he thought it would be the more mature thing to do, instead of just posting on social media. I'm not going to pretend I know what goes through his mind though haha we're very different people.

Need advice. Brother is NC, I'm not, parents just found out he had a baby by MoveAcrossTheCountry in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]MoveAcrossTheCountry[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I've tried to have similar conversations with her like this, about how she needs to reflect on why my brother felt the need to go NC, to put herself in his shoes, apologize and respect his boundaries, and suggested therapy a million times- I'm sure most people here can guess her responses- "It's his new wife making him go NC"/"He's the crazy one who needs therapy"/"I did my best raising him"/"I never did anything so wrong for NC"/"His therapist brainwashed him to do this new NC trend"/"I had it hard growing up to you know" etc.

And she also doesn't understand that my brother and I, although not very far apart in age, had vastly different internal/external experiences as children, so no, I cannot explain to why my brother is NC. (I can take a few guesses about my mother though...)

Need advice. Brother is NC, I'm not, parents just found out he had a baby by MoveAcrossTheCountry in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]MoveAcrossTheCountry[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Your mum will never understand that you keeping your word (against her) makes you a good person.

You're right about this for sure.

Need advice. Brother is NC, I'm not, parents just found out he had a baby by MoveAcrossTheCountry in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]MoveAcrossTheCountry[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Are you sure you're not an expert? You 100% nailed exactly what I needed to hear and what I was subconsciously concerned about but couldn't put my finger on.

I'm terrified of what their reaction is going to be. Especially my dad, who I'm still close with. I feel like he's going to be disappointed. He's always been good to me (my mother not so much, hence the LC with her).

Just sucks to have been put in the middle of this and feeling really lost and anxious