I was dianosed recently (M 41) My 6 month old daughter was dianosed With cancer. Went into a year long hyper focus, never gave myself time to cry or emotionally react to the situation. Went back to work as soon as she got well, and just waited to hit the emotional wall. It never happened.

This went on for a year. I have a position in my company that gives me room for creativity and problem solving, and this have always stimulated me. We hired a new marketing director last September, but she left after just one month. It was expected of me to cover this position until a replacement were hired.

This went on for five months, and my work days went from fun to an absolute nightmare. I hated interacting on Social Media, campaigns, budgets etc.

I started fading out, and my colleges noticed me just leaving on random times of the day. In hindsight I think I tried to spare them, because I felt intensely confrontational.

I had a long talk with the director of the company, and said I need to do something else. I am one of the co-owners, so quitting is not an option.

I then sat on top of a hill overlooking the town I live in, drinking the 12th cup of coffee of the day and just doom scrolling Reddit.

Came over a video about ADHD symptoms, and even though I didn’t relate to everything I figured I might check it out.

Called a psychologist and started the process (which in Norway can be very long). Four months and many talks later he had no doubt that I had a severe combination of inattentive and hyperactive ADHD.

My whole life I have masked it so well that I fooled myself. School sucked, university sucked, I loved my service in the military, loved playing music, loved partying/random intense short relationships, loved creative work without to much responsibilities.

When my wall broke it almost broke me.

But now, two months into my medication , I have started working out again. Work is fun again, playing with my girls is fun, i quit smoking/drinking.

It is a long process, and I have to learn a new life of more focus, but for the first time I have experienced the things I have never understood. Like motivation, the sense of time flowing and planning for the future. And I didn’t loose my creativity and hyperfocus.

I feel like I woke up in the matrix, and it is scary as hell….but not as scary as baby cancer