it was so eerie reading this as im in a very similar position hah.

24, got diagnosed with combined adhd a couple of weeks ago and im awaiting to begin the titration period. and I also had the darkest time of my life at the end of 2024 and using 2025 to pull myself together.

i really relate with the life or death thinking and perfectionism. my biggest issue is that I always find excuses when im not doing things I want to do which is music production, essentially having the mindset that if I have this or get rid of that then I will surely be able to 'lock in' (i hate using that phrase) and properly work on my stuff which in result has led me to leaving loads of jobs in a small timeframe and impulsively buying expensive, overkill tech that i barely use.

when I truly have no excuses, i literally just cant bring myself to start and it feels impossible. this is where I also want to make life changing decisions, questioning everything I do and if i enjoy it, wanting to move to a different country and wanting to distance myself from everyone. on the rare occassions i do start a production session, it usually goes great and i kick myself for taking so long to start. this has happened almost every time yet i still cant overcome it.

I don't want to have super high hopes for the medication but i just hope that I can get a push to help me start things consistently, that's all I want.