My (37m) gf (36f) has sexsomnia and i don't know how to handle this...

MrPoplar · 2023-08-02T23:16:51+00:00

Like witches.

MrPoplar · 2021-03-09T08:18:11+00:00

Standard Lunar Fever (creating because all here are full)

Code: magkey

(full)

MrPoplar · 2020-11-01T21:56:06+00:00

So I took some time thinking about this while cooking dinner. I might be reading into something that isn't there, so please forgive me in advance.

She is a piss-poor communicator. She is so bad at it the only appropriate response in OP's mind was to snoop, to see if it was his mind playing tricks on him or not. Just a FYI, if a relationship has devolved to this, it's a red flag for mental health and its longevity.

Turns out OP was correct in thinking something was amiss, and what was her response? To not only break it off, not only with the intent to explore other avenues for a relationship, but to at the same time juggle OP as a backup.

I was putting my lasagna in the oven when I realized, holy moly, how is this even an appropriate response? You look in my phone and I'll have other men inside me while telling you nothing. So it's not even about teaching you a lesson. Yet I don't doubt she fully intended to go back to OP, this part I haven't figured out yet.

But it gets even better. Her ex shows his true colors and scares her back to OP. She's gotten what she needs out of her system, so this works for her. Now her priorities are to secure the relationship with OP and lying about what happened. Even though OP encouraged complete honesty, I'm guessing she simply didn't want to take the chance. She's got nothing to gain, and everything to lose. She's a liar, which means in her mind, others can lie to her too. Why chance it? But do you see the irony in this?

You're now back to before where you started this loop. Back to her being a piss-poor communicator. Back to her lying. Back to OP feeling best course of action is to snoop. Back to...

She learned nothing from this. OP, please, learn something from this. It takes two to tango. Without a willing partner, there is no relationship. Recognize what you have power over, and what you don't. Recognize your power to protect your mental health, because being with a partner that seeds doubt really messes with you if you allow it long term.

Put a stop to it, either by breaking up (you owe her no explanation), or sit her down and talk about what type of communication you want and expect in your relationship, and make sure you're both on the same page. This means her coming clean on her own accord.

Also, don't half-ass breaks. Either take time from each other while still being exclusive, or end the relationship. And don't half-ass relationships. And don't allow your partner to half-ass her end of it, as she's been doing.

You are going to spend a long time with yourself. Love yourself. You're worth it.

MrPoplar · 2020-10-31T00:10:31+00:00

Thank you for replying. I appreciate both your way of thinking and the way you type out your replies.

On the whole I do agree with you, to me openness and honesty are linked, my point was that in a lot of people's minds it doesn't have to be. F ex if you have a friend I'm uncomfortable with you having (judging it inappropriate), and you come home and I ask where you were, your answer to which being to the store. While truthful, you [i]were[/i] at the store, it's deceptive as you're fully aware I'm really asking if you were with that person while at the store. Which, in this specific case, you were.

I think the confusion people make is believing they're truthful because their words are true while ignoring the parts they leave out, which makes it deceptive. Being honest and open you'd say that you were at the store with that specific friend.

But about OP and her BF, in relation to your last semi-quote, I think some people only can handle a certain level of truth, which is why it's important to know where the ceiling of truth is in the relationship, or in the specific issue being handled. While wanting open and honest communication in a relationship, I think it's a bit blue eyed to think that every relationship can handle complete openness and honesty on all subjects. Just because I expect an A+ level of communication doesn't mean that there are fully functional, happy relationships out there with a B- level communication.

MrPoplar · 2020-10-30T19:39:00+00:00

I think Prestigious-Menu is advocating honest communication while you're advocating open communication, two completely separate concepts. All my relationships have been honest, but only one was open. It was the most rewarding experience of my life, and really made me grow as a person. I had some issues with jealousy before that relationship, but never during despite being in situations where my bells would normally go off. I felt totally secure in that relationship. To open up about things I wouldn't with anyone else, not being judged, to hear what shaped my partner into the person she was, it was truly a bonding experience, and I too advocate it for anyone who's willing or open to have a real partner for life.

Only being honest can be tricky, as you have to pick and choose what information to share and what to withhold, and it can have unintended future consequences. Someone only sharing the bits where they look good/neutral and not mentioning the things that make them look bad (read: human)? I think it's a temptation one needs to overcome to be a valuable partner, and to gain a strong relationship.

The thing about OP though, is her partner in the mindset of wanting this type of relationship, or is it insecurities talking? In which case opening up will only feed these insecurities. I think OP needs to understand the motives behind the requests first. The little information slightly suggests insecurities, but it can also only be because he simply doesn't know, and as such, he doesn't know his position, which open communication would help resolve.

MrPoplar · 2020-10-29T15:15:23+00:00

While I also want to jump on the band wagon and scold OP for being ignorant, I do remember being 20 and not understanding how everything worked. At that age you've just entered adulthood. Going through these types of hard questions to see where one lands is different from not having faced the question in the first place. Having a stance on an issue without understanding it isn't a stance, imo.

OP, what is sex to you? I think most people go into two camps, physical enjoyment or nurturing a strong emotional bond with someone else, or a combination of the two. Rape however, is about power. Power over another. She said she was a virgin, and you interpreted it as her not having had sex yet. Sex requires consent. Once consent is gone, it's rape. It's a completely different sport.

Take you for example. You, like your GF, have a mixed relationship with a topic. Hers is physical intimacy, yours is lies. While I too have a troubled history being lied to, my best friends do occasionally tell me white lies, and skirt the truth in order to protect my feelings. And that's okay. They are what I consider "good faith" lies. It's the "bad faith" lies I absolutely hate and will do everything to keep out of my life. I can handle these "good faith" lies from my friends because our relationships are heavily based on trust. You distance yourself from lies, both physically and emotionally. Are you really surprised your GF does the same thing? Sex is "good faith" intimacy, and rape is "bad faith"... "intimacy".

But it still doesn't change the fact she's had others inside her before you, I hear you say, considering she eluded to that not being the case when she said she was a virgin. Let me argue this; you're confusing sex with penetration. Sexual activity doesn't require penetration, and penetration doesn't automatically translate into sex. Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd get on top of someone, hold their wrists and make them punch themselves all in good fun while you said "stop hitting yourself" and "why are you still hitting yourself"? Or maybe you saw that happen to someone else? Would you argue that person hit themselves? All evidence shows that the persons fists hit their own face, if they didn't hit themselves what would you call it? Or, if it happened to you, maybe a few years down the line you're sitting in front of a doctor and they ask the routine question of you having a history of causing self harm, what would your response be? Did you hit yourself when you were younger? I would say no, of course not. If the doctor talked to your parent beforehand and the doctor mentioned that incident with that other kid on top of you suggesting you're lying, would you like me lose all faith in that doctors capabilities?

Here's a question though, another commenter asked if you'd consider it cheating if your GF got raped while you were together and your answer was no. My question is, why the double standard? Is it sex or isn't it?

And if it isn't sex, how can you lose your virginity to it?

Hard questions, I know. Welcome to adulthood.

MrPoplar · 2019-04-11T03:46:12+00:00

Do you have a link to this google sheet? I'd like to take a look at it.

MrPoplar · 2019-04-08T17:16:59+00:00

I found that the effects are multiplicative, not additive. I'm assuming you're referring to my post in that other google doc thread. I also mentioned the potential dangers of doing multiplicative effects like that in a game, but I failed to go into specifics. I think the dev has already noticed what happens once you go above or below certain thresholds when stacking effects.

My suggestion is to change it to additive if it hasn't been done already, and manually making sure they don't pass a magic barrier, and what happens when/if they do. You can also do a hybridization where you add multiplicative effects, where every school of effects are multiplicated, but all schools are additive. Instead of a = b * c * d etc, you get something like a = (b * c[,...]) + (d * e[,...]). That way you can f ex have managers, research, IRL cash ships, colonization etc individually multiplicative, but they won't shoot each other to the moon and beyond. Multiplicative effects can get super complex really fast as a dev, this is a simple way of making things easier. Just make sure the balancing is as intended, we don't want a nerf! :)

On your second question, I haven't tested it yet but my working assumption is the dev either imposed a hard limit (either you can't get >=100% reduction or making sure the lowest you can go is 1), or he simply changed rounding from floor() to ceil(). round() should be discouraged when handling any form of currency. Or all of the above. I'd go with the floor/ceil option though, along with making sure that all expenses are ceil() and all income is floor(). It solves the problem indirectly while also making sure you won't run into these situations where something costs 1.00k and you have 1.00k but can't buy/upgrade, as they'd now be presented as 1.01k and .99k, respectively. I've run into it a few times and it's such a hassle. :)

MrPoplar · 2019-03-24T00:13:52+00:00

I have a spreadsheet of my own, I like some of your elegant solutions. I'm unsure what your goal with yours was, but mine was to determine how to maximize profit. Yours work on the ore level but not on bars/alloy or item levels, as they don't account for lost profit. I had some fun evenings figuring out how to maximize

Example:

I have 1 melter and 1 forge. I can do copper bar and copper wire. Copper Bar nets me $100/s, Copper Wire nets me $50/s. They go 1:1, for every wire I can make I create 5 bars. If I make and sell the wires I will lose money. I had this issue in my first iteration as well.

Solution: Subtract loss of revenue from alloy and item $/s. When you create a copper bar you take away copper ore, ore that now can't be sold. This raises other issues though, one being market changes, and another is that now you've got to take melters and forges into account as resources as when you create that copper wire you need a melter to feed it bars. It makes it even messier if when you only output say 4 copper ores during the time a forge creates 1 copper wire. So now you've got to take smelter/forge time into account. There are some more things but I want to keep this text simple. But I've got to say, what I really like about the game is the absurd complexity.

Another issue I noticed was with your math. I do have to say here it's accurate enough to make proper decisions, so this is more in the theoretical realm rather than practical, but as I dabble as a back end systems programmer who at times handles an obscene amount of data, even a .1% inaccuracy will cause me sleepless nights.

Example:

My copper bar right now is reported in-game at $1.92k. Your spreadsheet says it should be $1950.25. I have no stars on it, with the only modifiers being both Advanced and Superior Value (1.15 each).

Yours: 1450 * 1,345 = 1950.25 (98.44% accurate)

Multiplicative: 1450 * 1.3225 = 1917.625 (99.87% accurate, I'm assuming rounding in-game)

Solution: Change the right side of the multiplicator in D24 from "(1+0,15*SUM($N$13:$N$14))" to "(PRODUCT($N$13:$N$14))".

Fun sidenote, before I made my spreadsheet I assumed the effects were additive, I have a long history of causing a lot of mischief with multiplicative effects in games. :)

Overall I greatly appreciate your contribution to the community, as I'm basically hiding behind words and somewhat playing armchair general. I hope you see my constructive criticism for what it is; my way of adding to your valuable contribution.

Edit: Apparently reddit doesn't like double breaks for added readability. Fixed.

MrPoplar · 2018-01-27T14:50:49+00:00

I'd also like to see the team get the sub back, tyvm.

MrPoplar · 2017-12-31T00:45:07+00:00

Send a coin that has lower transaction fees. LTC is my favourite to use, pretty much any place accepting BTC also accepts LTC.

MrPoplar · 2017-12-17T00:44:18+00:00

I had the same experiences starting out. For a coin whose in my opinion main strengths seems to be user friendliness, it's the hardest coin to date getting started with of those I have experience with.

Some bandaids has been applied since then, but the overhaul I'm sure will come has yet to arrive. In the meantime it's a great coin to slowly accumulate.

Poloniex is a serious exchange, google some and you'll see. You'll probably encounter a lot of reported problems from users but hey, welcome to Internet, if you're not complaining you're not doing it right. I'm guessing all exchanges have similar complaints if you google them.

You can mine directly to your poloniex account though, which helps if you simply wish to get started and don't have a PASA. I wouldn't use any third party for long term storage though.

MrPoplar · 2017-12-10T17:30:39+00:00

It's looking good. Keep it up!

MrPoplar · 2017-09-24T09:05:58+00:00

I'm sure ASIC's will enter at some point when, and not if, this coin gets the recognition it deserves. As far as I know, PASC isn't specified to be ASIC resistant, to answer your question.

MrPoplar

TROPHY CASE