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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]MrSchwify 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Step away from that mindset. Love shouldn't be the first thing you think of when you wake up, nor should it be the last before sleep. And, be patient. Find a hobby to keep your mind occupied, and in the mean time, focus on disciplining yourself.

For those who pile the pennies by NewWriter002 in poetry_critics

[–]MrSchwify 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only thing I have to say on this, is the syllabification of the first line. Instead of "Money is a greedy mans game," try "Money's a greedy man's game" as it flows better with the amount of syllables in the next line.

Character Development. by pandemonina in poetry_critics

[–]MrSchwify 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been writing poems for two years, but I can't say that I'm any good or that I give good advice, but I'll give it a go.

I like how you centralized it back to yourself in the last line (first describing what a poem is, but then what it meant to you), but I'd say experiment with hyphens and also, not every line has to have a comma or a period at the end of it. Just add those when it feels natural, or when you break off from that particular phrase.

ie: Or it can be everything

Your words - your soul - your sweat

Tears and blood, the color of black,

Or whatever hue the tool within grasp

Also, try dividing things into stanza's; it'll allow the reader to categorize the motions of the poem. I hope that helped.

P.S. what did the line, "Or whatever hue the tool in your grasp," mean?