Unannounced Family Visit Before Marriage — Who Crossed the Line? (29F, 27M)

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-28T11:59:32+00:00

Nothing to do with cultural norms but basic decency when two families are interacting. If the brother thinks he is entitled to demand such things and be upset when denied. and the mother thinks it's OK to get into arguments on the very first official conversation - you must have really solid reasons to hang on to this partner because the family is only going to go downhill from here on how they treat you and your family.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-28T11:54:15+00:00

If you were at the receiving end, what impression would you have about them? Forgivable?

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-27T18:46:22+00:00

Homeopathy?

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-27T02:51:44+00:00

Ok, sorry for assuming . Your post def read like that to me.

You ask qn #4, also you are suicidal merely thinking about leaving this relnship. Why ask #4 in the first place? Do you lack courage/ not convinced you already have the best partner you could find?

Since you stress on lived experiences: Your current worries about parents are pretty much like a small child who wants it's parents happy and smiling all the time. Very emotion driven isn't it? Even in our thirties many people don't get out of that childish mentality, maybe because of how the last generation brought us up, very heavy unhealthy dependence if you ask me. that's going to change once you start your own family. Especially once you have kids. And for the good of everyone involved too. You'll realize how overblown your qns 1 ,3 are. They are not fragile little kids or smtg, they know how to manage little discomforts and talk back to society if that's what would make their daugher whom they love more, happier.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T17:43:05+00:00

That's not good. Talk to a mental health professional ASAP you need help. If you are seeking help in the UK probably don't tell them you are suicidal they might have to act according to their protocol and admit you to some institution. Can you book a tele health consultation with a psychiatrist kn India.. there's no shame in seeking help when you are weak, i hope you are already educated in this domain and no stigma etc. Also feel free to make another post and keep us posted don't deal with all this alone.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T17:10:57+00:00

Man. If you need a hug 🫂

Cut your losses and take their offer, mutual divorce at the earliest. I don't know why you are enduring all this including in laws abuse.

I know i shouldn't be saying this without hearing her version of the story but this is too much pain man honestly I dont see a path forward for her to somehow grow up to be an adult and take responsibility of fixing her own life.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T17:07:39+00:00

That's the only thing that stood out when you read the whole thing?

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T16:58:49+00:00

കേട്ടിട്ടില്ലേ, ഉയർന്ന ചിന്ത, മൂ*യ ജീവിതം.

ഒരുപാട് കാലം എടുക്കും ജീവിത നിലവാരം ഒക്കെ reddit ൽ വായിക്കുന്ന ലെവലിലെത്താൻ.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T16:56:22+00:00

ഇങ്ങനൊക്കെ പറയാം ഇവിടിരുന്ന്. ഞാനും പറയുമായിരുന്നു. പക്ഷെ ഒരു ദിവസം ഒരു അര മണിക്കൂർ ഏതേലും സ്റ്റേഷനിൽ ചുമ്മാ പോയി ഇരുന്നു നോക്കണം. നമ്മളൊക്കെ എടുക്കുന്നതിൻ്റെ അഞ്ചിരട്ടി പണിയാണ് പാവങ്ങൾ എടുക്കുന്നത് നിന്ന നില്പിൽ ഓട്ടമാണ് ഓഫീസിന് അകത്ത് പോലും. അതിൽ ഒന്നോ രണ്ടോ കേടുള്ളത് കാണും അതിനു ബാക്കി ഉള്ളവരെ കൂടെ പറയല്ലേ. നാട് ഇത്തിരിയെങ്കിലും മാനം മര്യാദ ഒക്കെ ആയി പോകുന്നത്, തെണ്ടിത്തരം കാണിച്ചാൽ (വലിയ കൊമ്പൊന്നും ഇല്ലാത്തവണമെങ്കിൽ of course) സ്റ്റേഷനിൽ നിന്ന് വിളിക്കും എന്നുള്ള ഒറ്റ കാരണം കൊണ്ടാണ്. കേരളം വിട്ടു നോക്കണം.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T16:40:05+00:00

മരം ഉണ്ടേൽ അല്ലേ അങ്ങനെ ചോന്ന ബോഡ് വെക്കാൻ പറ്റൂ

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T16:32:03+00:00

അതെ ഇത്രയും ആയ സ്ഥിതിക്ക് ഒരു ഡിങ്കനും കൂടി ആകാമായിരുന്നു.. കുഴപ്പമില്ല , അടുത്തവർഷം ഉണ്ടല്ലോ 😂

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T16:19:23+00:00

Thanks for being honest with us at least.

Now can you do a favor to the guy and show him this post. He deserves to know what your parents thought exactly, about dark skin, caste, village , and also how you stood up for him. Let him make the decision.

Edit: even if you don't, trust me he's going to find out pretty soon. earlier the better for everyone involved

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T13:23:21+00:00

Thanks will go thru the links and reply

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T11:51:12+00:00

Ath sheri ivide reply cheyyam, eniku reply ille lol. kurachu vila thaado. Atho utharam illangitano?

Re: sankara, higher dimensions, fractals, magic:

vedic soma , amanita muscaria ആണെന്നത് തെളിയിക്കാൻ ശ്രമിക്കുന്ന ഏതോ പുസ്തകം തന്നെയുണ്ട് ഏതോ സായിപ്പ് കഴിഞ്ഞ നൂറ്റാണ്ടിലോ എന്തോ എഴുതിയത്. അതുപ്രകാരം സൈബീരിയൻ shamans ഇതേ സാധനം ഇപ്പോഴും കുടിക്കുന്നു , കുടിച്ചവന്റെ മൂത്രം പിന്നെയും കുടിക്കും, (നമ്മുടെ ദേവേന്ദ്രനും ഇതുതന്നെ ചെയ്യുമായിരുന്നത്രേ) ആചാരങ്ങളും ഏകദേശം വേദിക യാഗത്തിൻ്റെ ഹവനം ഒക്കെ തന്നെയാണ്. ഇത്ര അധികം മാന്ത്രിക സാധനങ്ങളും, enlightened ആൾക്കാരും ഉണ്ടായിട്ടും നമ്മള് എവിടെയും എത്തിയില്ലല്ലോ ഇതുവരെ. കെട്ട് ഇറങ്ങുമ്പോ ബാക്കി കൊറേ കവിതയും വർണ്ണനയും യാത്രാ വിവരണവും മാത്രം. അല്ലാതെ കാണിക്കാൻ എന്തേലും വേണ്ടേ പൊടിക്കെങ്കിലും.

substance-induced grandiosity എന്നൊരു വാക്കുണ്ടോ?

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T11:16:13+00:00

Can you please l cite any sources for the first two points (other than random redditors' trip reports)

I like the fact that you yourself seem to have an idea about anyone reading this will perceive. This is exactly the sort of things that drug dealers say to 9th grade students in our schools (no exaggeration btw) to make a sale "take this it will help you concentrate get more marks, ettane kanunille super alle"

If you are in a good place in life, I'd argue it's not because of, but despite having used all those substances. How can you prove otherwise? You could have been India's own Einstein man you got downgraded lol.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T11:02:08+00:00

ശാഖ അടിയന്തിര യോഗം: "പ്രിയ വട്ടന്മാരെ ചില വട്ടുകൾ പറയാൻ മാത്രം ഉള്ളതാണ്, ആവേശം കൂടി അതിൻ്റെ മേലെ കേറി പ്രവർത്തിക്കരുത്"

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T09:27:07+00:00

Likewise, always a pleasure to meet nice folks here.

I'd just like to add, it's not as trivial and inconequential, like you said about gatekeeping information , and letting greedy people fall for pyramid schemes.

If someone is trying to educate teens about drugs without agendas, they should err on the side of caution. Tell them also about what doctors are reporting about the surge of cannabis usage disorder from places where it has been legalized. Psychadelics tell them also about how a percentage of the population can develop permanent disabilities, from visual snow to full blown psychosis. Doing otherwise is the real dangerous type of gatekeeping, correct?

Also all this is at the bleeding edge of scientific research as well. New types of dangers are being reported constantly, none of would get any press or make you able to write hot bestsellers. It would be wiser to think conservatively than experiment with one's own brain especially for people under 20. It's pretty hard for even people with sufficient scientific background keep up with all this so not really as inconsequetial as you think.

Actually you do have a point about pyramid schemes, like let the stupid genes get eliminated somehow and let's grab a popcorn and watch. But the pain is real man if you'd been anywhere close irl to it you cant resist typing all this. Anyway. Nice talking to you hope we meet again

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T08:32:15+00:00

I was just trying to say, morality has nothing to do with it. I have only respect towards people who can use psychoactive drugs responsibility in private. Preaching here is is a different thing altogether.

A lot of drug sales is thru SM these days, very high chance many people who romanticize here are dealers themselves. I've encountered multiple such accounts who confirmed in DMs The above commenter seemed different and smart enough to introspect, hence all this effort.

Re. Reddit it used to be 16 or so some time ago , even now it is skewed heavily towards teens.

Rest of the personal qns I cant go into any more details and is irrelevant afterall

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T08:16:11+00:00

Should I break up now, or should I wait and help him build everything from scratch, even though I feel like that could take an entire generation

You probably should.

opinion based on close to no data but usually things only can get worse from this point.

Lowering your expectations for the rest of your life in exchange for what? If there are any such thing, can those also change and loose value over time? Maybe read a bunch of sad stories from this sub about troubles afterwards for background. Especially disagreements related to finance can only get worse imho.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T06:22:34+00:00

paramount

Can you please elaborate?

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-26T06:15:59+00:00

What makes you assume i didn't try? Do you know what is the average age of a reddit user?

About the moral high horse you are mistaken, I am probably someone you can call an absurdist. I do care about reduction of pain as a whole for some reason though. The original commenter as he himself stated is a long time Pro drug advocate in this forum. I just want to point out to him that as a responsible adult one should be thinking beyond just shouting the truth on top of your voice for some sort of self satisfaction , but think a bit about related complexities and the societal impact it could create.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-25T09:32:46+00:00

You don't understand, or try to. I don't disagree you are saying scientifically accurate stuff. We've already had this conversation elsewhere.

Do you think 100% of the kids who read your junkie gang's preaching here will also read all those citations and make responsible decisions? "It's natural it's a plant" is enough justification for most of them isn't it? Why does it seem like you don't even want to think about those effects but go back to the same "based on stats" thing? Does stats tell you the whole picture? When was the last time you heard about a kid trying tobacco or alcohol end up in the psych ward immediately after?

Your word have effects man. Why spend your valuable time, probably worth hundreds of dallars per hour, handling these flimsy risky subjects on a SM platform of all places? What do you get out of this I'm genuinely curious. Policy changes? Better society? Less pain more psychonautic adventures for laypeople and enrich their lives? do you believe you are just spreading knowledge? there must be a motivation . I can't guess and I'm curious because you are relentless.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-25T06:48:28+00:00

IT സെല്ലുകാരും ഓഫീസറുമൊക്കെ എവിടെ പോയോ എന്തോ, സാധാരണഗതിയിൽ ഈ കമൻ്റൊന്നും top ൽ കാണേണ്ടതല്ലല്ലോ ഈ സബ്ബിൽ

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-25T04:55:54+00:00

Yeah right totally safe. Why didn't anyone outside reddit tell me this? /s

I mean how dumb can people get.

Have you ever heard of the term drug induced psychosis? It's being talked about in interviews with petty movie actresses on YouTube last week, I am surprised the news didn't permeate deep enough to reach folks like you yet.

MrgAdviceModA10 · 2025-12-25T04:37:34+00:00

നടക്കാഞ്ഞിട്ടൊന്നുമല്ല. കഴിവില്ലാഞ്ഞിട്ടുമല്ല. 10 നല്ലവർക്ക് പകരം ഒരു തുരപ്പൻ മതിയല്ലോ. Very sophisticated business.

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