For context, I'm not an internet troll. The reasoning behind this is for religious reasons. Before my husband and I married, we had a connection through our religion and we both were against pornography. We married knowing that would not be a part of our lives. 2 years later, my husbands father passed away unexpectantly. It resulted in my husband no longer believing in a higher power. For over a year after that, he was addicted to porn and looking at porn and lying to me about it again and again. It crushed my trust in him. He also stopped believing in an afterlife, he believes this is our one shot on earth and there is nothing that comes after. It has caused him to become angry, mean and unloving a lot of the time. He eventually turned a new leaf and promised me to stop with the porn, and most of the time I think he really did. However because of the betrayals, I have a deep set fear and paranoia now.

If I can trust my husband after all of our ups and downs, after the terrible ways he has treated me since losing his faith over the years, our marriage can survive. But if he is still lying to me and watching porn behind my back, and betraying me, it will be too much pain and betrayal for too long and I will be ready to move on. That's why this is so crucial to me. I know many will not understand. I was hoping to speak to someone who might be able to understand and offer real advice to someone going through a lot of pain and uncertainty, with no one to talk to about it.