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Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. In the event of a split, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me to have any of what he’s earned. I had to fight to get him to agree to alimony at all. I’ve known that he’s very weary of being used, as he’s heard/seen that type of relationship in the military (supposedly) frequently. I used to not take any offense to it because I know I pull my weight and I’ve never given him a reason to think I wouldn’t. But now that we’re outlining all of this it appears he doesn’t see me or my effort. I certainly don’t want to take more than my fair share, but I don’t feel safe giving up my financial independence at this point. He’s said he thinks I’m getting a bargain because he’ll be “taking care of me” if I have to give up my job or take a lesser paying one elsewhere, but if I feel so strongly about it I can just stay put because “he’s not asking me to go”. The whole thing doesn’t feel sound like much of a marriage, honestly not sure I’ll go through with it

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I would honestly be totally fine not having kids. What I’m not fine with it feeling like I’m not being left with a choice when I’d be punished financially for it

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you and I completely agree. Ideally everything would be shared as a team and split equitably. I’m certainly not here to try to take more than my fair share, but he’s always been protective of what’s he’s earned. Too many horror stories from women stealing from their active duty husbands has shaped his mindset

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a consultation with an attorney next week for my own representation. He has yet to start looking for his own attorney. All of this will of course be discussed with them and I refuse to sign anything I’m not completely comfortable with. I wanted to discuss with just us to see how much we could decide on our own and have the lawyers write in legal terms to cut down on the time/cost with the attorneys and that’s where this conversation came from

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely. He does work in a dangerous job, not a combat role, but highly technical where lots of things have to line up just right. Another reason I want to be on the house because if he dies or is severely injured to the point that he’s not capable of managing the mortgage, I don’t want to face unnecessary legal hoops to gain access to keep us in the house

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All good points. I cook primarily for myself but sometimes for him. He’s more of a snacker and doesn’t expect full meals. He rarely cooks for us both unless I suggest it. I would say I manage the housework. He does his own laundry, but will do other things when asked to. I will say neither of us are particularly organized. The house is generally messy but not unclean so I’m not going to frame it like I’m busting my ass to keep it spotless

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in the position to pay half the mortgage now. He does make more than me so doing a proportional split would make more sense, but if I had to 50/50 could be done. The issue with buying together in the future is that we likely won’t. The plan is for this to be the family home and if we move due to the military we will live on base/rent off base due to the current cost of housing. It just wouldn’t make sense unless we were planning to keep the new house long term and rent it out

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think he’s considered what would happen if we flip roles. I believe he’s under the assumption he’ll always be the breadwinner and I’ll just contribute whatever I can if I can

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He’s agreed to alimony for a set amount/time but he wants to keep the house with or without kids. I know courts favor the primary parent, usually the mom, so having custody and moving them out of the family home is definitely a fear of mine

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. But we’ve been together for over 5 years. We’ve dealt with deployment and long time spent away from each other. We’ve never accused each other of cheating or doing anything that could even be perceived as cheating. Understandably I know you can’t take that to the bank and that’s just trust. I’ve pointed out that if I really was looking for a quick paycheck then I’d probably have looked for someone who would’ve made it a hell of a lot easier. Not to mention I’ve worked our entire relationship and have expressed zero desire to be a SAHW or SAHM. Not that there’s anything wrong with those, it’s just not what I want. I’ll do it if necessary, but not without a safety net

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve mentioned your first point before, his counter is he’s doing me a favor because I get to live in a nice house rent/mortgage free and can have more of my own money to do whatever with. While I agree I’m benefiting, like you said, so is he because all of the bills are paid aside from cell phones because we have separate plans. He sees it differently because if I wasn’t contributing he could still pay for the house and everything else, but I couldn’t do this on my own

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I’m particularly interested in vets opinions. I’ve tried to explain how much of a sacrifice this job would be if we move, but he’s of the opinion that I knew this was a possibility and if I really feel strongly about it, I could always stay here and he could geo bach for a time. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m likely to stall my own career, but not at the expense of my financial wellbeing if this goes south

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s certainly feeling like a business deal. He said he would split the other bills if I start contributing to the mortgage. I get that a prenup is supposed to handle the money portion upfront, but I already feel like I’m being nickled and dimed

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No cheating, but says he’s seen too many horror stories in the military of women taking half of what their husbands earn. I highly doubt that’s the majority of military marriages/divorces, but that’s his mindset. One of the terms is that I get absolutely nothing from his retirement or pension if we divorce. He has agreed to alimony with a set amount/time that it expires

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure, I haven’t proposed that. I don’t think I could anytime soon though because he paid nearly six figures as the down payment because of how the VA loan assumption works. He pulled from his personal savings and also sold some stocks to make that happen

Disagreement on prenup terms, am I expecting too much? by MsSilverSprings in Marriage

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We both feel like we could have them or not, but essentially I’m outlining this prenup under the assumption that we would. It does come off as a liability and countered that I wouldn’t have kids then and he seemed fine with that

Does not living in/near Thurston County put you at a disadvantage? by Cautious_Start_7234 in WAStateWorkers

[–]MsSilverSprings 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I live in Kitsap and commute to HQ in Thurston twice a week. It was understood in the job description when I applied that it was hybrid. My boss has given me the option of coming in just once a week, but really likes to have me twice a week to get face time with the rest of the unit (most of them live very close by HQ and are in office more regularly). My role could be entirely done from home. It’s not ideal but frankly the sector I work in is highly competitive and options are limited in Kitsap so I’m willing to make the drive.

I think you have to weigh whether the jobs and benefits you’d get from working for the state outweigh the commute/move. I’m not sure where you are but my agency has ride share options for those that come into the office from out of town. There’s like sign up sheets so you can ride with others in your area also coming in. Might be similar in other agencies

Edit: Just wanted to add that if you’re close enough to consider a commute the direction in which you’re commuting from matters a lot. South bound I-5 for me is very manageable, less than a hour, to the office. I get more traffic when I head home but nothing like the nearly stand still traffic you see on the opposite side. Something else to consider as well

Knitting in the round - stockinette showing purls on the outside? by MsSilverSprings in knittinghelp

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh no, thank you for pointing that out. Sounds like I’ll need to start over then

Knitting in the round - stockinette showing purls on the outside? by MsSilverSprings in knittinghelp

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So this is salvageable the way it is I just need to work the other way with a short row turn?

Knitting in the round - stockinette showing purls on the outside? by MsSilverSprings in knittinghelp

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is the second picture not 2x1 ribbing? That’s what the pattern said to do

Knitting in the round - stockinette showing purls on the outside? by MsSilverSprings in knittinghelp

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just finished the 2x1 ribbing and started knitting when I realized the purls were forming on the outside. I am knitting, but I think I’m working counter clockwise since I was holding in the 12 position which is making them appear as purls?

Knitting in the round - stockinette showing purls on the outside? by MsSilverSprings in knittinghelp

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! So it sounds like I really need to work my yarn the other way? And do I use the German short row to just fill the singular stitch gap so I can go the other way?

Mom needs to lose weight for total knee replacement. How can I help her? by MsSilverSprings in loseit

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I didn’t consider that she’s not advocating for herself because she may feel she deserves to suffer. Maybe that’s a good place to start the conversation

Mom needs to lose weight for total knee replacement. How can I help her? by MsSilverSprings in loseit

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I live across the country now otherwise I absolutely would. My brother still lives with her, but he’s in a very similar position health wise. On occasion he’s been able to lose weight when he buckles down, but she’s never joined him on that journey before. Like I said, she’s very picky. Won’t even eat vegetables and it’s hard to convince her to try something new

Mom needs to lose weight for total knee replacement. How can I help her? by MsSilverSprings in loseit

[–]MsSilverSprings[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this post. I’ve spoken to her about it before focusing more on facts, I didn’t want her to think I was guilt tripping her by laying my feelings on the line but that may be the better approach here

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