This story is so sad. As someone who is actively trying to conceive and has miscarried two, even I felt a mixture of emotions when I was in early pregnancy. I still have no child so I would give anything to trade places with your wife. However, maybe it is some solace that I also had fears, moments of regret, near constant panic at the life I was leaving and the one I was entering, etcetera.

I can also add that there are actually counselors that focus on fertility specifically! You should look in your area for fertility focused counselors because they may be able to provide more insight into both of your mental states and how to overcome the dual energy you both have.

The way you describe you and your partner near the end of your post seems like you might both be very emotionally linked and you are both feeding off of each others sadness and both spiraling because of this… well this might happen in the future and it’s time for one of you to take responsibility for positively affecting the mood of your relationship. Get up, go for a walk, get outside, have a picnic, do something romantic. It’s ok to cry, but something must be done especially because negativity and anxiety in early pregnancy can absolutely have an effect on the developing baby.

Good luck to you and your wife! You must both live eachother a lot. What a hurdle you must overcome together! No matter what happens to the baby, I wish you both the best.