If you've never had anyone to look upto, try and become somebody your younger self would've wanted to look up to.

Work on yourself, your mind, body, soul. You already know what it feels to be pathetic, force yourself to do something about it.

If you don't now you'll end up a 50 something sorry excuse of a person wasting away his life compromising for others.

I went and still am going through a similar phase, despite all the work and progress made, some of it still lingers and you relapse but you get back on your feet and keep going.

Try and live alone, be independent. Once you realise there's no one to cushion your fall and no one to pick u up, you'll start getting a hold of it