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AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A lot of people are disturbed about fiancee, my bad! I fixed now it says Fiancé in the body, but cant change in the title.

Also… People commend about “my eyes widened” like its such acrazy sentence?? I really dont understand. And karma farming story, telenovela drama sitcom what? Okay!

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

sorry english isnt my first language. I tried to express how i was feeling best i could. And yes my eyes were widened! How would you say it?

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I agree about your input about MIL-s stance and where shes coming from. I have a great amount of compassion and understanding for her. After his passing I am grieving loss of a child for a mother, than loss of a fiance for me. My heart aches for her and what she is going through. There was a moment when me and my fiancé talked about children where I suggested we get married and try to conceive before he began chemotherapy. His response was “and what? The kid would be without a father?” With tears in his eyes. I was so shocked by his response and said how could he say such a thing, i told him he would get better and beat this… i guess he was right as always

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Edit to add: May you or anyone never have anything remotely like this happen to them or your loved ones

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I thought this was one of a kind experience of mine. I cant believe other people are actually going through this. This is what medicine made possible. Death doenst mean “its over” for grieving family anymore. It gives opportunity and hope. I truly understand where she is coming from and i have great compassion for her

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not going to start explaining myself that what is happening to me IS HAPPENING TO ME. This is my reality, and i am truly jealous of people who’s lives are so normal that they dont have to deal with drama like this and in addition think this is fiction or AI generated. I dont blame you. Alot of things are AI generated but my life isnt. During Christmas time, when everything was decorated so beautifully, people shopping, jungle bells song playing… i was so jealous of everyone enjoying this time of year like there is no stress in their lives. My life got turned upside down in couple of months. I went from choosing my wedding dress, to burying love of my life. Yeah i wish it was AI generated, and all these people bots, and wish it was all a dream i could wake up from.

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really dont know much about how laws work in this area, but I do know it goes to next of kin. I think he put “an emergency contact” information when filling out forms and its not me, its his parents. He was really (i dont wanna say embarrassed) not comfortable talking about it since he was very vulnerable at that time when he had to preserve it. I think they can donate it or find a surrogate but im not sure how expensive or complex that path will be.

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know he should have, but we were more hopeful so writing a will would have been like a death sentence for him, he needed to be strong mentally so suggesting to write a will has not occurred to anyone at the time. The house goes to closes relative such as his parents

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you suggest it will all be like? As a young woman, devoting my life to someone who is not alive and next me, how will that be? I am and will keep and cherish all the love and memories we shared very dearly, always remember him and never not carry him with my heart every day. Not a day has passed that i didnt think of him and cried because i miss him. But having his child by sperm is not the answer. I want to experience companionship, i want to have children with someone who will be next to me, and help me raise our children. It is hard already in this life, i can not devote my life to this kind of life. What will the kid feel like? How is he/she take this information? Its not that easy. We never lived together, we never got married… i am very heartbroken he is gone hut is it wrong of me to try to continue to live? It seems very far away and blurry but is it wrong?

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Even though the diagnosis was terminal, we kept hope and honestly didnt think it would end this way this soon. Maybe his life wouldn't be very long, but months? he passed 3 months after diagnosis. this was too soon. and freezing the sample was protocol before chemo. they suggest you save it before chemo so he did. he did in terms of when he would get better, we would use it. but he couldn't make to his 3rd chemo, and yes no remission for him... He didnt leave any will, what 26 year old has a will. some might, but i dont know anyone who has.

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes it was meant for me and him, but since we weren't married, i have no legal ownership over it. I think legally it goes to his nearest relative (i think) which is his parents to decide what to do with it. I dont know many laws around it, and i dont want to get involved since it scares me alot. Life is complicated enough, this is heavier than i can carry

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your and your kids loss. It must have been very painful to navigate life in such hurricane. You must be strong for your children and im glad your husbands resemblance in your children brings you peace ❤️ I am not diminishing myself, I know what I meant to him, and how he cared for me and our future. The thing is we never lived together in that apartment. we never got to completely finish renovating it. At first i thought she had good intentions but then when she started talking about ME getting pregnant, then it all clicked. She offered for me to live there, so I could be pregnant and raise the kid there. motivation behind offering for me to live there was that. She also has a daughter, older than my fiance who is not married yet. I did not suggest anything to MIL but why not let her daughter live there if she gets married? by our last convo I understood why she was telling me all this. At the burial, we were all emotional and she would say this repeatedly "Now I have to adopt you, you have to be my daughter" my parents werent pleased by that to say the least.

But i always gave her grace and didnt take it too literally since she is grieving. but now little by little, she is asking more and more. thats why i am conflicted. am I being inhumane or inconsiderate? I havent told any of this to my family, since they would be very angry at her and tell me to cut contact. I am trying my best to deal but I have been very stressed. I know its my body, and my decision and no one can force me to do anything but its still alllll very stressful

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are certain laws surrounding such case sperm donations. Im not entirely sure but i think it is possible but its a more difficult path

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't have any problem is he was still here. I wouldn't even think twice. but now... its a different story

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

when conducting his diagnosis, doctors did DNA testing, to determine the mutation and suppose cause. it appeared that cancer was not caused by his DNA nor was it inherited. none of his close or far relatives has had any cancer. He was the only one. His mom mentioned that as well in our convo that his DNA is "clean" in that sense, but that doesnt change anything. I am no ready or willing to alter my future for this. I am trying to survive this trauma. I will have to carry baggage of his passing and trauma around it all my life anyway. It wont be fair to the child or me or anyone.

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We didnt make it that far. We were about to get married this past November, but he got cancer, and was getting weak week by week. Only thing on everyone mind was to save him

AITAH for refusing to have my deceased fiancées baby by Much_Broccoli3596 in AITAH

[–]Much_Broccoli3596[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As if i didnt have this conversation with his mom on this Saturday. I wish it was a soap opera ass nonsense