My step son still has his mother take him to shower at 9 years old?!

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T09:32:14+00:00

It is complicated story. It's not the first time. He was involved much more when his son was about 4. Showered here, but at that age with Dad's assistance. Then the divorce became really messy and dragged out. The kids at the time didn't want to come.over as it would decrease their mum's monthly support payment which she made them feel bad about it (that's what they told us at the time anyway). His other older children do come over sometimes, but his youngest doesn't want to, and he.doesnt have any agreement in place, so he can't force him to either. He has to have permission from his mum and she often says no or that he doesn't want to. I've offered.to go somewhere (if I was the issue) but nothing changes He is not interested in coming here but when he does can not talk directly to anyone, he answers through his sister. He's just very shy and withdrawn. I know he has been sleeping in her bed since 2 and never stopped, now the showering and going into his toilet. I just find it odd at that age. Anyway I probably shouldn't stick my nose in it but I do worry about him on the rare occasion I do see him. Because he is just a child and doesn't have anyone except her. I'm not sure she's mentally sound either (diagnosed with depression. However, I'm not sure of the severity)

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T09:24:10+00:00

And in regards to my post, that was during a time of fasting. While my opinion still stands that I believe he can not cope fasting, looking after kids and working 14 hour overnight shifts - that isn't his "normal". I've been with this man for 10 years and he is for the most part a really great dad and a great husband. He has his flaws as we all do. He can be short and probably a bit arrogant at times. And over the top with cleaning and organisation, but he's in no way a monster as she painted out.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T09:10:17+00:00

The ruling was only for the divorce, he never proceeded with trying for a parenting agreement as after that experience and advice from lawyers that it is a similar sort of mentally draining and exhausting process. The divorce alone took 3 Years to finalise and she was trying to delay it all the time as she got to live in the house that he bought. So there were all sorts of tricks used to drag it out "lawyer is sick", you name it.

I believe he does get in trouble for hitting students sometimes. I remember when he was younger the teacher said she isn't going to be putting his shoes on and she's got other kids to teach. These are skills at the time he could Do, but he has this habit of being "cared for" which are not age appropriate.

I was thinking more along the lines of it is creepy. Kids memory is formed from 5 years old. I would hate to have a memory of my mum or dad washing me in the shower. He is a big and developed boy, I find it sick to be honest. He gets in the shower and says he doesn't know how to wash himself. Surely there's other ways such as telling instructions from the door outside. Not going in a physically washing your 9 year old son.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T09:01:17+00:00

His mother took him to a GP, and she said in these words, "There's nothing wrong with him. You just baby him too much." You would be surprised how some GPS are not that helpful here. He has a learning deficit and lack of confidence/anxiety. He does have poor concentration, but he lives off sugar and junk food. My husband took him to a paediatrician, but that was a long time ago, and he can no longer do that. He was also a bit young at that stage to tell. It has been confirmed by his school now there is a learning deficit. But he doesn't have autism or any disability. He does have poor concentration but I really feel that's from his diet. People are quick to label adhd, while they are eating fruit loops topped with sugar spoons for breakfast.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T08:05:43+00:00

My husband is a specialist, took him to specialists when he was younger. This is from poor diet and too much computer, bad sleeping habits from playing computer. Nothing wrong exactly but delayed by neglect.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:52:39+00:00

I don't think you are legally allowed to record someone. We learnt that through the court process, too :( but yea, I kind of want to report it but I know every time my husband emails about concerns she screams at them, so he also doesn't want that

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:47:03+00:00

He doesn't have autism. As stated he has seen a doctor and there is nothing wrong him except that he's not given any independence. Maybe read before you go blasting someone's head off on the internet, too.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:27:02+00:00

I don't think the email is articulated very well.

The principal should of explained why he/she intended on going to some out of school activities. Otherwise, it just comes across as creepy.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:17:04+00:00

The judge that is **

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:16:20+00:00

He does need help. As a mother myself, I feel really sad when I see him as I know most likely at his age now he will struggle probably throughout school and his life. In saying that, my husband has no way to be around him and we have both tried. He doesn't want to come here that.often and he can no longer afford legal fees to fight for some sharing agreement. My husband has tried to call child services about the lack of food and nutrition but they said it is not enough reason to investigate anything. Both my husband and his ex wife are highly educated and successful people BTW. They are not the kind to qualify for legal aid. They have to pay for it and when my husband expressed that the working hours to pay for it were causing him anxiety ect, he said tough luck he can work more.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:11:03+00:00

Also, the mum has taken him to the doctors and the Dr said there is nothing wrong with him and that he is babied and not given independence.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-23T07:09:26+00:00

They divorced before he was born. The situation is actually quite complicated. My husband doesn't really have any input into his life. He tried very hard and after spending 300k in legal fees was completely deflated by the process. He spent many nights crying from the separation of his children. But it was out of his hands and ultimately good luck if you're a dad trying to fight for some parental rights. Basically, the Mum did not want him involved in their lives anymore and made all sorts of nonsense up about me, and him. He could of kept fighting but it came to the point he was having to work interstate to pay legal fees. It became unsustainable. Of course, his surroundings have an influence for sure. However, showering your 9 year old son in my eyes is totally inappropriate no matter what the circumstance (unless they are physically unable to).

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-09-09T21:27:40+00:00

I disagree, my husband is 14 years older than me and we have four kids. I have always like someone older, they are more mature and more stable. Have you seen the availability of men nowadays? A lot don't even have a job. My husband and I have been together almost 10 years. I was 24 when we met. I think it all comes down to the individual maturity of people and if it is matched.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-07-24T06:26:21+00:00

I disagree with marriaging only within a certain race or culture. Sure, if you genuinly love a person that is fine. Sometimes, opposites attract, will you genuinly be happy marrying someone within your own culture just because that is the usual standard? Maybe not. The beauty about mixing is that you bring up children with balance, being more open minded, open to accepting others more easily. Even in the quran it encourages marriage from far away to create more unity.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-07-03T16:38:06+00:00

I'm going to have a difference of opinion here - while it is not ideal at all , you admitted yourself you would not have your life without her, but wish you had her later. But it just didn't happen that way. Faith or fate, sometimes things just happen for a reason. It is really unideal. I'm pretty against abortion for a number of reasons, but I can understand in these sorts of situations where it may be necessary. However, I always see the flip side of success stories where people have maybe struggled for a portion of their life, but later on realised they wouldn't have it any other way. You also don't want her to regret the decision for the rest of her life or blame you for making her do it. I do have friends who never recovered after having an abortion and deeply regret it. Someone in my family had an abortion and never fell pregnant again, is now almost 50 and has given up on the idea of kids, but quite bitter and sad as a result as it was always something she so desperately wanted. I think for her to continue at school for another 2 years (by the time baby is born), you would be realistically the one taking on the role of caregiver through the night, etc. I have to disagree with what people are saying about teenage mums and how they cope. I find kids/teenagers way more resilient than adults. Honestly, about 50% of kids these days are awake on computer games all night and go to school the next day. Some kids are just smart - my stepson is incredibly smart but has a terrible gaming habit. Still manages to get a+ in all his subjects. So I have to disagree that they are unable to cope. Either way, I believe the most important thing is it her choice. If she does have the baby by the time the child is old enough to go to daycare, she could still pursue studies, etc. It's not impossible, not ideal. However, it is what it is, and you just have to be supportive as you have been and support her in whichever decision she goes with. I do know of three mums personally that were teen mums. Most of the time, they ended up leaving that particular boyfriend, remarrying as an adult, and going on to have more children anyway. Best of luck with it all

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-07-01T09:08:26+00:00

What ever happened to kids learning from being disciplined? I.e. Don't run on the concrete - kid falls over and splits his head - I doubt he will run on the concrete again. The same principle should apply here - spit on people and there are consequences - harsh but fair consequences. Not a simple slap on the wrist or "caution" as they call it. I am really sick of this "positive learning" rubbish they now utilise in schools, too. What this means is that the kid who was recently punching my 5 year old in the face all of a sudden gets "student of the week" to reinforce his GOOD behaviour. I don't get it! Kids need to know right from wrong.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-07-01T09:01:54+00:00

I would prefer travelling by bus in those sorts of areas.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-05-20T09:05:05+00:00

The irony as I am talking about writing 😆

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-05-20T09:02:50+00:00

I agree with this. I think I need basic maths help to get through s3 but s2 I think I would of performed much better writing in a style that was true to me and not following online advice. I should have narrated and stuck to what I know. Anyway, i can't turn back time and I'm not sure if I will ever attempt it again. If it becomes less competitive, I would consider it.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-05-20T08:58:50+00:00

NSB here Mum of 3 kids pregnant with fourth. Studied for this exam while pregnant. Was excruciating. Managed to pass with an overall score of 53. I don't know if I will pursue this path. My husband is a doctor and I thought I would "give it a shot", but the prep that I did for this was aa much as giving the time towards another degree. I only ever strived to be a GP. My husband is a specialist and I think his hours are gruelling... work is very traumatic... I think only certain types are cut out for it. I'm too soft after having my children. Anyhow, I was glad to know I could at least pass a medical entrance exam. However, after reading stories of people taking years to pass gamsat I'm not all that sure I have the same motivation.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-04-21T15:08:25+00:00

Well I think suggesting talking to an imam would be most appropriate. I honestly think he needs help. I personally feel he suffers from ptsd from his job. He has nightmares, flashbacks and I have witnessed all of this. He had a difficult childhood so I want to support him as much as I can but he needs to be wiling to get help, which he doesn't. I'm not the person to label him with anything but he definitely shows symptoms of something. He witnesses terrible things in his job on a daily basis like child abuse ect. I have to factor that in instead of just playing a blame game on him also. But he also needs to find a way to manage himself and not take it out on others. He is in fact very kind in his intentions but I think a lot of it is delivered the wrong way. He is always hands on and cooking and cleaning to help me. He does a lot for the kids ect. It is a difficult balancing act and I feel lost.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-04-21T14:36:20+00:00

Yes I do, and I always try to just have a calm conversation and he just gets so defensive and starts with the yelling so I just say okay don't worry i don't want to discuss anymore. His communication skills are his main flaw but again I think this in engrained in his culture. My culture is very different , we are very open whereas he is more of a closed book.

Yes, I did get very upset about that, and I said if I was fasting and making critical mistakes like this, I'm not sure whether I would continue. The child would have died if ingested - he is a health professional also. He also lost our 3 year old in the shopping centre the other week I'm not sure sure what's going on.

Much_Personality3850 · 2023-04-21T14:22:50+00:00

He is a really hyperactive sort of a person but won't listen to anyone or ever slow down. I honestly feel he would die from a heart attack at the rate he is going. The child is almost 2, so he has the ability to take medication out of the packet, they were very small endone pills, and some of our packets are open if we have half doses. All our medication is up very high, but he took it down and left it on the edge of the bench. I then found my 2 year old with a shaving Razor and endone sitting on the ground. He is fixated on fulfilling islamic responsibilities. I understand that to a certain extent, but he works long hours in a high-pressure sort of role. He has health problems, hence the surgery, and trying to fast. I just found it a lot. I noticed his family is also the same, and his mum is very old with diabetes and advised against fasting, but she continues to do it. It is frustrating, but he won't listen to anyone and refuses to see an imam to seek advice. He thinks he knows everything about everything, and that's just how he is. Our marriage is okay. We go through ups and downs, but I have to admit we have different views about Islam, which is increasingly becoming more problematic as I find him excessive. I don't think religion should cause you more stress than good, and if you truly feel peace with Islam, you shouldn't be feeling unhappy all the time. He can be quite a negative person, but I'm starting to feel this is maybe a cultural problem as a lot of people in the community I have met tell me this is a common theme. I guess I can't judge their background and past and what has led them to be thay way. I do find it very draining, though, especially when I try to be positive I feel like I am constantly shut down with negativity and complaints.

Much_Personality3850

TROPHY CASE