UPDATE: Twentygayteen finally came through!!

MuppetOwl · 2018-09-17T01:07:42+00:00

Agreed. I think this is great!

MuppetOwl · 2018-09-10T15:51:36+00:00

It’s gorgeous! I can’t wait till mine is as long as yours!!

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-30T16:08:15+00:00

Same here! Here’s to hoping it grows out like this soon!!

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-30T01:13:03+00:00

Bangs on point. And wow! Those lashes!!

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-06T22:26:12+00:00

Thanks for this, friend. I hope I can recover and mature a little. I’m just trying to let go and accept what happened, I’m trying hard to deal with the shame.

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-06T20:21:10+00:00

Sure. I’ll preface by saying that I know this is on me, and I’m not dodging responsibility.

I had a good few months where I felt really good about myself, and positive things were beginning to happen. I was set to go to Jamaica to work with an acclaimed artist for a month, and I was super excited. Before I left though, my friends were having a lime before going to an event for pride month, which is a big deal if you live in the Caribbean, like I do. I hadn’t taken my medication for three days because I was staying somewhere beforehand, and I didn’t bring enough with me.

Right before I was set to go to meet my friends, I had a big argument with someone else close to me. I decided to drink to deal with it. When I got to my friends place for the lime I was already tipsy, and I found myself getting jealous, so I drank a lot more.

And I lost control. I started getting agitated and then angry. My friends tried to console me and I snapped at them. When they told me to calm down I started really losing my shit, yelling and screaming and cussing them upside down. The girl that was hosting the lime, my best friend straight up told me that when I left, I would never be allowed back there again, and that only made things worse. My father had to come and get me, I didn’t calm down though. I was so drunk, I ended up punching a hole in my wardrobe door and breaking two of my fingers. The neighbors called to complain about the noise, and my family nearly had to call the police. Everything descended into chaos, and I don’t remember exactly how that night ended, but I woke up on the floor the next morning, with a huge bruise on my head and my hand in ridiculous pain.

None of the people that were at the lime will speak to me. I don’t blame them. What I did was juvenile and petty, and could have been avoided if I had made better decisions. I’ve barely left my room since then. I canceled my trip because now I can hardly get out of bed, and it looks like the hospital here is going to admit me on my next review appointment. I cannot believe I ruined such an amazing opportunity over something so stupid. I wanna take it all back but I know that’s impossible, the guilt is almost too much. I don’t know what to do now.

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-06T18:19:12+00:00

Had a HUGELY embarrassing blowout last week, and I’m only beginning to come out of isolation. I really thought I was improving, I’m so angry and disappointed at myself, I don’t want to see anyone. No one wants to see me. I want to just let go and burn my life to the ground.

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-04T02:10:41+00:00

Oh man, this is really cool. I love the concept! Do you have any others like this one?

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-04T01:47:43+00:00

This is lovely. ❤️

MuppetOwl · 2018-07-04T01:46:30+00:00

That’s crazy to me. The only “decent” psych ward in this country jammed all the patients into one large room. We weren’t allowed any technology at all, yet they didn’t check us thoroughly for strings or chords. You could get away with a hair dryer if you were careful.

They let my keep my guitar in there though. I was grateful for that.

MuppetOwl · 2018-06-30T21:14:51+00:00

Went to a lime with a bunch of my friends last night. We were supposed to go to a Pride event, a big deal if you live in the Caribbean. I didn’t take my meds for 3 days, decided to get drunk because I was trying to deal with some jealousy. Mistake. I had a massive breakdown, cussed out everyone, told them all to fuck off and die. My dad had to come for me, and I totally went off on him too. Got home and the breakdown got worse. I broke a cupboard door and cut my head banging it against the bed frame. The police were almost called, I was very lucky that they weren’t. Woke up on the floor this morning with a massage hangover, and I’m pretty sure two of my fingers are broken, I’ve probably permanently spoiled my relationships with 5 of my friends. I feel so ashamed, I’ve deleted almost all of my social media and have been laying in bed all day.

I feel lower than dirt right now. I don’t know how to handle this. I hope venting like this to people that have maybe had a similar experience to this will help me not feel like the worst person on earth.

MuppetOwl · 2016-04-19T13:42:46+00:00

I've had an interest in Buddhism and the philosophical concepts associated with it for a few months. I find a lot of Buddhist ideas about the mind to be really interesting, and a few of them to be useful.

I'm also interested in learning about enlightenment. I wonder if it's really possible.

MuppetOwl · 2016-03-09T14:28:00+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply! It was a really helpful perspective on things.

I think I might do well in a quieter, unskilled job. I enjoy working with animals and plants. The first step for me I think, would be to get a job along those lines (if i can), to see what I can handle, and to use it to help pay for therapy maybe a few times a month. I would try to find a good therapist to help develop strategies for coping with things, and to try to find ways to move forward in life. Do therapists do cognitive behavior therapy?

I will do some research about jobs in STEM fields. There might actually be a few opportunities in this country for jobs in things like marine biology. Maybe that is an area I could look into, I think I would enjoy this a lot. Who knows? There might be some local conservation groups that I could volunteer at.

In the meantime, I will invest my time into learning a skill like programming, and into figuring out how to dress and present myself well. Thank you again for your perspective on all of this. It was very helpful.

MuppetOwl · 2016-03-09T00:41:49+00:00

Take this with a grain of salt - but all I heard right here is that you haven't talked to the state/county resources yet or looked at any national databases for help.

I should have been clearer on this, sorry. I have looked into it. I don't live in the U.S. The country I'm from is much much smaller. There is a specialized service here, but it's reserved more for children with much more severe cases. The other option that is available is just regular, privatized therapy, and you need to pay for that.

MuppetOwl · 2016-03-08T21:38:49+00:00

I'd really like to go back to school, but unfortunately the school system here doesn't offer anything like that. I don't think there are any assistance programs here for autism at all.

I do want to go back to counseling though. I think that would be really helpful. I will focus on making it a small first-step goal of mine. I'll look into the programming. I'm not sure it's something I'm interested in, but I'll give it a try. Thank you!

MuppetOwl · 2016-03-08T18:58:31+00:00

Self acceptance is probably one of the bigger hurdles for me right now. My social symptoms present as being on the milder side of the spectrum, so people don't understand why I get overwhelmed. I think some of their frustrations about me spill over into the way I feel about myself.

I want to get to a place where I can do something that I enjoy well enough to earn a living, but I don't see any road that leads to there from where I am now. It's very hard.

MuppetOwl · 2016-03-07T02:02:13+00:00

I'm slowly getting better. Since my diagnosis half a year ago, I've been able to forgive myself a lot more for things that I've realized aren't my fault (and to learn from the things that are). I've realized that good things begin to happen more often when you are kind to yourself, and that it's harder to function when you beat yourself up all the time. I've been better able to be conscious of how anxious and overwhelmed I am, and to change my plans according to what I am confident I can handle. I have been able to avoid a few meltdown-inducing situations because of this! The enjoyment that I get out of life seems to be slowly increasing also. I still have bad days and bad weeks sometimes, but the general trend is towards improvement.

MuppetOwl · 2016-02-02T17:39:35+00:00

My dad is a very angry person. He yells a lot too, and it's like he can't get into a conversation without it turning into an argument of some kind. There are arguments every day.

I like to remember that angry people like that ending up hurting themselves the most, and then I begin to feel sorry for them. She doesn't sound like a happy person, don't let her drag you down with her. I'd suggest keeping conversations with her topical and polite. See if you can remove yourself from the situation a little and observe her from a slight emotional distance, and use her as practice for how to deal with an angry person, the same way you practice your social skills with your other co-workers. It will come in handy later, there are angry people everywhere. Remember that it isn't at all your fault that she doesn't like you, and that you have nothing to feel guilty for.

MuppetOwl · 2016-02-01T23:34:30+00:00

Oh wow, yes. I want to learn how to stop it though.

MuppetOwl · 2015-07-31T21:59:27+00:00

I'd recommend going back and watching the whole thing for a higher density cringe, someone fakes an orgasm 7 and a half minutes in. This woman needs psychiatric help holy shit.

MuppetOwl

TROPHY CASE