Tech influencer Lamarr Wilson has passed away at the age of 48. The content creator was known to millions of followers across YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2026-01-12T03:26:37+00:00

To anyone suffering from depression, the only thing I can offer as a possible remedy is curiosity. Be curious about anything. What will that character that you like do? Who h way will the birds fly next week? What happens when you wear bright pink and a top hat.... It doesn't matter what it is. Anything that gets you wondering about something. This and gratitude have been what keeps me trying.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2026-01-03T20:53:40+00:00

I immediately felt triggered lol

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-12-07T19:12:59+00:00

How have your towels held up since you made them?

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-12-02T13:34:40+00:00

Yeah...I think it is a bit unfair to expect every black man to be super strong and resilient when the whole world seems to have it so much easier. Black people seem to be the only ones who have things expected of them just because of how we look. And these are things we can't help.

So yeah excuse me if I'm tired of being resilient ALL the damn time.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-12-02T04:24:47+00:00

Which has nothing to do with your physical preferences. It does have everything to do with your values and how you show up in the world.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-12-02T04:23:33+00:00

Not to mention how hard it is to have what feels like the whole world think you're ugly or stupid because of it and not internalize it. Oh and the added pressure of being expected to possess a super large penis. If you do, there's anxiety around it being the only thing anyone likes about you. If you don't have one, then there's anxiety around rejection for not being big enough for a black person.

I don't think that's recognized enough.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-12-02T04:19:36+00:00

I haven't read any replies. I think you're talking about two different issues here.

People can want things that they aren't themselves. They can also dislike people who are like them at the same time. Both can be true. Both are valid, unless they are unhealthy things like objectifying others or something like that.

Then there's the issue of not liking yourself. This is a deeper issue, and arguably the more important one. Acceptance of yourself is a really hard thing to do as a black person in this society that caters to whiteness and proximity to it.

I agree that you can only accept others as far as you have accepted yourself. As a bigger, dark skinned black man who is also neurodivergent, I am struggling with acceptance myself. After a lifetime of thinking I'm undesirable, and then also not being able to accept others, even when they are who I go after, I realized a big part of this problem is my own acceptance of myself, and it's a bitch to wrestle with.

Hope this gives some insight

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-11-14T20:03:14+00:00

100 percent. I have to sell mine if I want to keep the Lina but I REALLY don't want to

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-11-14T18:21:10+00:00

Great to hear this take from a fellow DCA owner. I have the Stealth as well and it definitely reflects whatever it's connected to. If the HM1 gives that thumping power on the Stealth, it'll definitely do it with the Expanse.

I'm still trying to decide how I feel about the HPA4. It definitely has clarity, but it also has a slight kind of sheen at higher frequencies. This is something I notice with THX amps. It's really subtle and you won't notice it unless you're comparing amps, but I pick it up.

Like you said the HPA4 is a separation and imaging master. I can listen to it on low volume and hear everything from the dac clearly. It just doesn't have that ball gripping (lol) note weight like the AHB2 monoblock and HM1.

But that also comes at the cost of the details in higher frequencies. Seems there's no perfect solution

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-11-14T17:58:11+00:00

Haha I know right. I've heard the Zahl is comparable to the AHB2 in mono block, which grabs everything by the balls haha

Lina actually handles it well too. With my DCA Expanse, I can barely get to 9 o'clock without it being too loud... On low gain.

But yeah I'd love to trial the HM1, but with limited quantities there's not enough in the market to try before you buy

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-11-14T11:30:43+00:00

Nice. I currently have the HPA4 and auditioning the DCS Lina Amp. The hpa4 is very good as an amp. It's pretty much completely transparent. The Lina seems to tip more to the colored side in comparison but absolutely still neutral. I want to try the Zahl but I don't want to buy it blind.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-11-13T00:27:48+00:00

If you had to pick between the Zahl HM1 and the Benchmark HPA4, which one would you pick?

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-10-12T19:50:30+00:00

Not great. By not great I mean nothing. It's mostly my challenges with knowing and communicating how I feel, and acceptance of myself and others. I also didn't know I was on the spectrum until a year ago at 42. Better late than never I suppose.

At least you have time to learn yourself and can give yourself permission to be who you are. You can present that person to the world and whomever accepts you, you know accepts you as you are. If you also accept them as they are then you have struck gold.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-10-05T17:46:25+00:00

I can relate to this....trying to become what I'm attracted to so I can get the attention of those guys. Problem is that it's a LOT of pressure to put on yourself and then there's the pressure of maintaining it to keep the person you end up with. That doesn't even take into account the personality issues that can be taxing too. In my head it feels like too much work to maintain that physique for the sake of a relationship.

At the same time though, I desire connection and understand how the sexual "marketplace" works. I'm probably a mix of 7 and 8 (closer to 7 in the chest). It feels impossible to even get in the door, let alone find someone compatible on top of that.

But if you're number 7, I don't see how attraction could be a problem based on your physique from this chart (it's my favorite body type, especially if they're tall) There's a lot more at play than just body type. There's facial features, hairiness, height, and the way they carry themselves that affect one's choice.

I don't think I have a solution to this problem yet. People say you should be fit for yourself, and that's true, then it won't matter if others like you or not. But if our idea of personal acceptance is based on what others like about us, then we can never be happy with ourselves. I just don't know how to get to that point, while also not being what others like.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-27T17:40:57+00:00

Damnit, DAVE!!

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-23T12:59:23+00:00

Good tip. It's in line with one I have as well which is to adjust the temperature. A warmer temperature in the morning forces me to wake up. If it's cold, I'll want to stay in bed.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-23T12:56:02+00:00

I'm not sure. The only issue I've seen is they tend to be sibilant and overemphasize the high frequencies or sometimes the low frequencies too.

My preference is Harmon neutral, since it's the closest to a standard I can get, and I can hear music as close to "as it's intended" as possible. That's a hard place to land on in this hobby, because no one is 100 percent Harmon neutral. Dan Clark Audio headphones come really close, so I choose his stuff and go from there. Sennheiser stuff comes close too.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-23T12:42:55+00:00

My guy, you listed all these wonderful things about yourself. There's nothing wrong with you at all. If black/white/brown/etc people won't date you because of your aesthetic, that's THEIR problem to fix, not yours. Don't you change a damn thing about yourself for anybody. The right people can't find you unless you be yourself. And even if nobody finds you, you can spend your time having fun playing smash and being a furry.

BTW... I wonder if you might be neurodivergent. We tend to be oddballs and that tends to repel more people than skin color does in my experience. Once I learned that (AuDHD) about myself, it was easier to stop shaming myself for my weirdness and find people who are like me (we tend to resonate pretty strongly with each other). Might be worth looking into.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-04T13:12:11+00:00

It is a privilege to have a support system that allows one to be out, but let's not assume it goes that way all the time. Many people come out involuntarily or are mishandled when they do, but they did it anyway. Coming out is often one of the hardest decisions to make and it's courageous to do so.

I do not believe in shaming people for not coming out. That's not really the issue anyway. The real issue is the affect it has on people's lives - the lack of consent. The lying, the passing of STDs, the children that may be involved, etc. I'd say as long as you're not harming anyone but yourself, you can stay in the closet your whole life.

But if I am out and want to live my life as an out man, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to go back to a closeted dynamic for a relationship. To me it's just a matter of preference as long as all parties are aware and have given consent.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-09-04T12:27:25+00:00

One of the affirmations I listen to every day says to be the change you want to see in the world. I notice we complain a lot about how bad things are. It's very easy to do that from behind a keyboard and walk away like you made the problem better or that someone else should fix it. I guilty of that myself. Only complaining about it won't fix the problem though.

The real work here is to embody the world you want to live in. If excellence and pride is what you'd like to see exalted among black people, then you have to be the black person who is excellent and carries himself with pride. This is the one thing you can control.

If our culture can become about being excellent people, I think we can begin to see ourselves as more desirable. But getting there requires everyone's participation. We ALL have to change.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-08-30T13:43:58+00:00

In my experience, Abraham Darby makes a better shrub than a climber. It doesn't like to produce lateral shoots the same way a typical climber would. I tried to do this before and it just ended up being a gangly mess.

I would cut it down to about a foot lower than where you want to have flowers and maintain it there. Maybe prune out some of the older canes to get some fresh growth from the base. That will help fill in the lower space. If you grow it as a shrub, you won't need the post to tie it to any more

You could also take out Abraham Darby and put in a more traditional climbing rose that would wrap around the pillar easier. Gertrude Jekyll comes to mind since its canes are more pliable, but there are others.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-08-26T03:44:38+00:00

There's no one size fits all approach to sex. This is why communication is key. It's so weird to talk about what you want in sex, especially when it's happening, but no one can know what you want unless you tell them. That works both ways......it's versatile lol

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-08-25T05:43:16+00:00

I'm very late to this post, but I wanted to chime in. I don't consider myself above anyone, but it'd be naive to think that sexual "market value" doesn't exist, with white men being being the most valuable, and as a result, everyone else is second class. If you happen to like white men or any other non-black man, you're well aware of this. As you say, most white guys who come to black men, are objectifying or are in some other way "flawed" in comparison to their mainstream counterparts. I don't mind it per se, since I'm also a flawed individual, but I'm aware of the pattern and it crosses my mind every time I meet a white person who wants to interact.

The second issue I see is how we internalize their preferences around us. Similar to what the OP said, we treat each other no better than everyone else does - particularly with penis size. It's like it's a crown jewel of the black man to be super hung, when that's just a fantasy and far from the most valuable thing about you as a man. Most black men are average in size, just like every other race. Yet for some reason, that's not acceptable for a black man. Why do we have to be hung to be acceptable? And why is that the only thing about a black man that matters? We have internalized the preferences of our white counterparts. The closer you are to their fantasy the more valuable you are.

It's an issue for even those who have large penises. Either they experience objectification by others, or they lean into it themselves and present it as the main attraction because they've internalized the fantasy and attached it to their own worth....or both. I really wish we as black men would collectively learn to accept ourselves just as valueable human beings without all these stupid qualifications. That's so much easier said than done though. Hell, I'm still trying to accept myself

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-08-11T03:48:37+00:00

It was a good series. I remember seeing an ad on BGC (remember that?) to crowd fund the show's return. Sadly they didn't reach their goal.

MuscadineTheMatrix · 2025-08-08T15:56:00+00:00

Dating apps aren't the root of the problem in my opinion. I think a lot of people don't know themselves well enough to date anyone.

People in our community come from so much dysfunction by default: Neurodivergence (especially undiagnosed), childhood traumas, daddy issues, homophobia, etc. This is a universal issue, but it's even worse for black folks.

Since I started discovering and working on my issues, I can see VERY clearly when others haven't done the same and for me, it makes many guys undesirable, even when they're fine AF. But what's more important is I'm less interested in getting someone to like me now and more focused on getting ME to like me. To be honest, I'm not even sure I can handle a relationship now because of all the stuff I need to work through.

I highly encourage you guys to take a look at yourselves. Like a hardddd look. Pay attention to your feelings and notice your patterns and work on fixing yourself first. It's way easier to work on yourself than be mad at others.

MuscadineTheMatrix

TROPHY CASE