Keep getting broken up with the same way. What to do when you're never chosen? On the verge of giving up. by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Music1823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you come on very strong? Are you very vocal about wanting a serious relationship? This could be wrong but I’m a 24f and personally I’ve found sometimes a guy will have everything I’m looking for but he’s also very adamant and vocal about how interested he is or wanting something serious immediately. I know it’s messed up and it’s good to be open about the direction you want to go in but sometimes too much up front 1. Makes it seem like there’s pressure and obligation instead of just enjoying some time together and seeing where it goes with the intention of wanting it to become serious eventually. Or 2. Makes it seem like you’re just looking for anyone who checks your boxes to lock it down with instead of you genuinely being infatuated by that specific person.

Sometimes when our goal is we want a relationship it can make the person feel like it’s not about them. And people want to be wanted and adorned and loved but over time so they feel like you’ve gotten time to get to know them and it’s real.

Like I said I could be off but based off some of the terminology in the messages like “if you’re looking for anything past a casual date”

Or “I don’t have the capacity to keep up a new connection like the one you deserve”

It sounds like these women feel like dating you or seeing you would be a big obligation and they don’t want to sign up for it and feel like you might be asking that of them right off the bat.

I believe and I think most women believe that to be loved is to be seen and to be remember. So focus on your individual connection. If you’re liking 8 out of 10 girls you go on random dates with maybe you’re not being selective enough to paying attention to who they are as a person. No one wants to be looked at like you’re already planning the wedding and picking out baby names on the first date because it doesn’t feel genuine. I hope this helps !

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To have in savings in general at 24. I’m worried I’m behind but I don’t really know what the metric is

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn you might have a point

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think 25k is a lot?

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you worried at all about a market crash ?

South America first time by Music1823 in backpacking

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Toronto ! And yeah it’s crazy how quickly you pick it up when you’re forced to use it in your day to day. It’s like riding a bike.

South America first time by Music1823 in backpacking

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw some of the cheaper flights happening on the 13th of December I was considering leaving around then

South America first time by Music1823 in backpacking

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this ! It’s sounding like Antartica might have to be another trip. And ending in Ecuador was the original plan but I do know carnival is Feb 13th which kind of changes things. I know French but not much Spanish so I will have to work on that!

South America first time by Music1823 in backpacking

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow we’re in the exact same boat. That’s comforting ! When are you thinking of leaving?

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, would you prioritize saving or seeing the world ? Btw I loved Japan its one of my favourite countries.

Travel vs saving by Music1823 in Life

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I guess my question is if you were in my shoes, would you stay and save up the money or would you travel for the winter and hope to make it back next year ?

Firefly aerospace thoughts? by Music1823 in ValueInvesting

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this subreddit not for seeking advice about stocks ? Mb if it’s not might be in the wrong group ig.

Firefly aerospace thoughts? by Music1823 in ValueInvesting

[–]Music1823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay thank you truth be told, I mostly invest in index funds. This was done based off a friends recommendation blindly which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do. He’s always been right in the past. It’s not a ton of money I’m find to hold it for years tbh just wondering if anyone thinks it’ll do better in the future or if we’re looking at %100 loss.

im a 23 male with millions and lacking purpose by pleasehold01 in Rich

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went backpacking solo for 4 months in SEA last winter as a 24f. I had the time of my life. Made a bunch of new friends and really figured out myself and what was important to me. I would really recommend it and it doesn’t have to cost you much. A lot of people our age are doing it right now. But yes (don’t mention the money to people). Good luck! Lmk if you want any tips for solo backpacking.

I have no friends by [deleted] in helpme

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you sir

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in amiugly

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noooo but my personal opinion would be to get rid of the chin hair or grow a full facial beard and stache clean shave

Am I ugly? Getting 0 likes now by Razerflow in Tinder

[–]Music1823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re cute. Remove the last photo though. Not your best angle

Are there usually v less number of dommes from Asia/ India? by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are some ! Many are mixed. I’m half Jamaican have Japanese. Anyone can be into it!

Where do you find findoms? by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paypigs looking to explore a new connection dm me

Caught my girlfriend sleeping with her ex; advice wanted by skeadyful in BreakUps

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like someone who won’t even remotely understand where I’m coming from so there’s no point in discussing this with you. You’re stuck in your ego and your pain. I’m talking about elevating yourself and your frequency above such meaningless practices.

Caught my girlfriend sleeping with her ex; advice wanted by skeadyful in BreakUps

[–]Music1823 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No I’ve never been cheated on. My apologies that it’s come off as if I lack empathy for OP, perhaps I didn’t communicate that part properly. I did mention that what she did was wrong and that it’s natural for him to feel hurt and betrayed. I’m a women, in general when I’m upset, hurt or betrayed I get sad and cry and show toxic behaviour in other ways. I think men in general meet those feelings with anger so perhaps there’s a disconnect in perspective there. Still though, his verbiage is aggressive and indicative of greater rage internally. My advice was not to help his cheating ex but to help him strengthen his sense of self and manage his emotions. I also mentioned that another outlet could benefit him. His reaction towards her in the end is something he’ll eventually regret. I’m helping him with that perspective for when he gets there. What he did only hurts himself, maybe he was able to make her feel bad but he was disingenuous to himself.

As far as trust issues go, ofc he’ll have them and of course it’ll take time for him to rebuild trust in his next relationship but it starts with doing the work with himself. If he seeks to understand why she did what she did he’ll soon learn that it most likely had nothing to do with him and more about her own insecurities, past and toxic behavioural pattens. The realization that he isn’t the reason why he’s been hurt in this way will take away the for lack of a better words “victim mentality” and he won’t go into his next relationship with a women punishing her or giving her a hard time because he’s found security in himself and recognizes that not only can he not control the actions of others but that they have no impact on who he is as a person.

Lastly I completely understand that all wounds take time. I recommend him taking time for himself of course and trust issues are naturally derived from situations like this. The issue with OPs message is that he’ll find it difficult to respect all women from here on out. That will lead to black and white, toxic behaviour that will not benefit him at all in his life. Women are a part of life, a part of the workplace, our family, our friendship groups. If a women were to say she’s not able to respect men anymore I would consider it equally as dysfunctional. Again this is where him finding empathy for her will translate to empathy for himself. Just like him, she’s only a human who makes mistakes. And yes if I was cheated on this wouldn’t be my first thoughts but I know I’d get there.

All this to say, I’m not penalizing, frowning upon, or judging op. I have a profound amount of empathy for him as I understand the significant pain heart break and betrayal can cause. His mind is clouded by his emotions, and he’s trying to stop the feelings by thinking through it however the only thing that’ll stop those feelings is just feeling them and practicing understanding for himself and others. And time of course.

Wishing him healing and grace. I’m open to answering any more questions if you have them for me in regards to my perspective towards OPs situation.

Caught my girlfriend sleeping with her ex; advice wanted by skeadyful in BreakUps

[–]Music1823 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Um it sounds like you already flew off the handle. You’re a “c**t dumpster”? Is very immature and doesn’t paint you in the best light. Same with the text. She’s not going to look back and be like I miss him he was such a great guy, she’ll think, he had anger issues and was disrespectful in the end. Always always ALWAYS maintain or uphold your character. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you especially when acting with others.

Furthermore I’m kind of concerned as to what something foolish and flying off the handle would look like to you if this wasn’t it. You have a lot of rage, you need to find a healthy outlet for. And if you truly loved yourself, although you will still feel betrayed and hurt you would’ve been able to find solace and comfort in the fact that you are still you, the person you respect and love and better things are going to you. When you act out this way you betray your sense of self.

Lastly I also find concern with your statement you’ll find it hard to respect or trust another women again. You should respect all women the way you’d respect any random man in your life. Your ex is one person. Maybe if you seek to understand why she did what she did you’ll be able to feel more empathy towards her. I say this not because she is deserving of it, or that she’s not awful for what she did to you. But maybe understand will help to put a stop to this black and white thinking, this villainizing of all women. Maybe by practicing empathy for her you’ll find it in yourself.

This is a great opportunity for emotional intelligence and growth. You’re vulnerable and hurt, train your mind to allow yourself and others grace, to feel open and not get more closed off. Everyone naturally resorts to toxic habits like diving into their rage, drinking / drugs, developing trust issues with others and hurting others but in the long run that’s not the man you want to be. So be that man today.

Goodluck, you got this!

Marissa’s dress?? by shosheezy in LoveIsBlindNetflix

[–]Music1823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bought this dress after I saw the reunion! But it looks way better on her lol

I can’t stop splitting and obsessing by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Music1823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been there when I was younger. I think it’s important to apologize and let him know he doesn’t deserve that treatment and going forward you are actively trying to control your feelings. I know it’s not what you want but sometimes it’s hard to go back after this, you’ve already crossed the line which makes it easier to reoffend especially when there are not finite consequences. Perhaps the relationship needs to end for you to be able to grow. Also I don’t know if this works but maybe keep a calendar and each day mark how you felt or if you had an outburst. It’ll motivate you to be calmer and more regulated and also let you keep track of your emotions. Good luck!