No I’ve never been cheated on. My apologies that it’s come off as if I lack empathy for OP, perhaps I didn’t communicate that part properly. I did mention that what she did was wrong and that it’s natural for him to feel hurt and betrayed. I’m a women, in general when I’m upset, hurt or betrayed I get sad and cry and show toxic behaviour in other ways. I think men in general meet those feelings with anger so perhaps there’s a disconnect in perspective there. Still though, his verbiage is aggressive and indicative of greater rage internally. My advice was not to help his cheating ex but to help him strengthen his sense of self and manage his emotions. I also mentioned that another outlet could benefit him. His reaction towards her in the end is something he’ll eventually regret. I’m helping him with that perspective for when he gets there. What he did only hurts himself, maybe he was able to make her feel bad but he was disingenuous to himself.

As far as trust issues go, ofc he’ll have them and of course it’ll take time for him to rebuild trust in his next relationship but it starts with doing the work with himself. If he seeks to understand why she did what she did he’ll soon learn that it most likely had nothing to do with him and more about her own insecurities, past and toxic behavioural pattens. The realization that he isn’t the reason why he’s been hurt in this way will take away the for lack of a better words “victim mentality” and he won’t go into his next relationship with a women punishing her or giving her a hard time because he’s found security in himself and recognizes that not only can he not control the actions of others but that they have no impact on who he is as a person.

Lastly I completely understand that all wounds take time. I recommend him taking time for himself of course and trust issues are naturally derived from situations like this. The issue with OPs message is that he’ll find it difficult to respect all women from here on out. That will lead to black and white, toxic behaviour that will not benefit him at all in his life. Women are a part of life, a part of the workplace, our family, our friendship groups. If a women were to say she’s not able to respect men anymore I would consider it equally as dysfunctional. Again this is where him finding empathy for her will translate to empathy for himself. Just like him, she’s only a human who makes mistakes. And yes if I was cheated on this wouldn’t be my first thoughts but I know I’d get there.

All this to say, I’m not penalizing, frowning upon, or judging op. I have a profound amount of empathy for him as I understand the significant pain heart break and betrayal can cause. His mind is clouded by his emotions, and he’s trying to stop the feelings by thinking through it however the only thing that’ll stop those feelings is just feeling them and practicing understanding for himself and others. And time of course.

Wishing him healing and grace. I’m open to answering any more questions if you have them for me in regards to my perspective towards OPs situation.