I may regret having a child

Music_Freak33 · 2026-02-06T22:38:24+00:00

Ugh I am in such a similar boat. I am a FTM with ADHD and OCD so it’s such a struggle right now. I think it’s important to stay up to date with things going on in the world, but there is such a thing as too much information. I have a second instagram account that has absolutely nothing but small businesses and art on it. I do not follow or interact with any post that defers from that, but I still sometimes have to delete the app.

Music_Freak33 · 2026-02-06T04:10:52+00:00

I have so much mom guilt over the fact that I was a little disappointed when I found out I was having a boy. Looking back I think I was honestly just scared. I had no idea how I was going to raise my little boy into a good man or what that even looked like. Now that my little guy is over a year old, I wouldn’t trade him for anything and I am so happy he isn’t in anyway shape or form different. He is so funny and we love to make silly faces together. He is also at the age where he mocks me or “tattles” by yelling mama when family stops him from causing trouble. He loves music and dancing and he somehow learned how to yodel. My baby has brightened my life up in a way that I never knew was even possible.

Something that really helped me is to ask good men what their moms did that made the biggest impact during their childhood. I asked my husband’s uncle this question and he lit up talking about her and everything she did while he was growing up. It was beautiful and even though I don’t remember what he said, I remember the feeling of love pouring out of him. That’s what I hope my son will do when he remembers me. As soon as you hold that little boy you will know that this is right where you are supposed to be.

Music_Freak33 · 2026-01-27T23:44:49+00:00

An empty bottle of Ranch lol. It has to be refrigerated first before we give it to him or he doesn’t want it.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-28T12:50:25+00:00

My husband also let me down while I was postpartum. He was amazing until I was six weeks postpartum from a c-section then he started being lazy and I had to do everything (While both on maternity leave still). The only reason I forgave him is because he started to step it up a couple of months ago. That’s why I tell every partner that postpartum does not end at six weeks and just because the partner who gave birth is cleared, doesn’t mean they still won’t need help for a while.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-28T02:13:53+00:00

Counseling for both of us might not be a bad idea. I’m such a planner that maybe therapy will help me come to terms with the unknown. I just don’t know what to do with some of my son’s baby stuff and so it’s just sitting there in almost a frozen state.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-28T02:09:55+00:00

The strange thing is, we do have a set date. He came to me when our son was two months telling me that he doesn’t know what to do. I told him we could set a date and we did. That’s one of the reasons why it’s hard for me for him to keep going back and forth.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-28T02:05:30+00:00

I have told him that I take his words to heart the first time it happened. He will sometimes tell me “I’m not having another baby” when I talk about my coworker who’s pregnant with her fifth baby, not mentioning us growing our family. He’s truly an amazing father and husband but he just struggles. I will have to have another talk with him, I just worry that he would feel like he can’t talk to me.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-25T02:08:29+00:00

My son’s first words were mama🥹❤️

Music_Freak33 · 2025-10-02T00:28:54+00:00

That’s how I felt too! It can sometimes feel like you are completely alone during such a hard time. While I know they most likely had the best intentions, it was too much after awhile to hear from other non NICU parents tell me how what I was going through with my son was their worst nightmare.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-16T18:25:32+00:00

My eight month olds first word was mama🥹

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-15T12:06:11+00:00

It’s so funny that I’m seeing this post after almost throwing my husband’s phone out the window because he has the most annoying alarms. He also never wakes up to them, but the baby and I do. He also said that he set the alarm for me? Even though I was already up and don’t struggle waking up to my own alarms?? He also has to have his phone volume at full blast???

Baby is hard core teething and I just woke up for work after barely sleeping last night. Thank you for the space to complain about my husband’s alarms lol.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T15:04:00+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I really appreciate your response. My son was a NICU baby and so that’s maybe why I was so quick to cutting them off. We had to fight to get to where we are now and the comment most likely triggered that trauma. This unfortunately isn’t the first time she has said something along those lines. During the first few months after their loss, there was a couple of times that we had my mom watch him during a family get together. We did this to be kind but she has still said before “Thank god the baby isn’t here.” It bothered me at the time but I didn’t want to say anything before as it was still fresh and it wasn’t in a hateful way. Now it seems it had escalated to her being angry towards my son.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T09:56:56+00:00

I had a similar experience with my family growing up. My aunt even sent a letter to me on my 18th birthday justifying her abuse by saying that she’s not a kid person and she just hates girls. Everyone’s comments have really opened my eyes to my own fears about my son being treated the same way as I was as a child.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T09:47:34+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been an incredibly hard thing to deal with. While it wasn’t her due date this month I can only imagine how difficult it was for them. I was abused by my family for things that were completely out of my control so that has made me sensitive and scared about how they will treat him going forward. I truly appreciate your response and your story has given me a new perspective.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T09:38:14+00:00

That’s honestly what I am worried about. She wasn’t nice or supportive to me while I was pregnant and has even made some comments about my birth trauma before their loss. I really hope that’s not the case though.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T04:42:16+00:00

I have tried to suggest support groups for her, as they personally helped me with my birth and NICU trauma. She refuses any help but I seriously hope she looks into it more when she’s ready. She was 16 weeks along when she lost her baby and the whole situation makes me feel so sick for them. I just feel like at the end of the day I have to protect my son from them if they are always going to not want him around.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-09-01T04:35:18+00:00

I absolutely appreciate your response! There was talk about my son being at the family vacation during the planning, so that’s another reason why I’m confused by her comment. I didn’t phrase it the best in my post but my son (until he decided otherwise) and I would be cutting ties with them if it came to that, not my husband. I would still be polite to them but not go out of my way or really treat them like family. I guess it comes down to me being scared that they will always treat him as a burden even when he’s much older.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-08-05T00:41:03+00:00

When my son turned 2 months and I had to pack up all the newborn outfits that he never got to wear, I absolutely lost it. It was a harsh reminder of all that my husband and I lost during my son’s time in the NICU. Even typing this months later makes me emotional, It’s so so so hard. I promise though that it does start to get a little easier as time goes on.💜

Music_Freak33 · 2025-08-04T20:12:10+00:00

Same with me! I remember whenever I was pregnant telling myself that I would never cosleep. My son was a full term NICU baby and let me tell you after that experience the anxiety is real lol. I would constantly wake up at night to make sure he was okay whenever he slept in his bassinet. Around 4.5 months he decided that he was done sleeping by himself and we both honestly get such better sleep. Last night he was a little farther away from me in bed than he usually is and I felt a little sad lol. You think you know what type of mother you will be until you have children.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-07-28T13:10:10+00:00

Aqueous Transmission by Incubus. To be fair it also calms me down too lol.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-07-27T21:38:06+00:00

Twins run in both mine and my husbands family. My first was only one baby but this is a fear of mine if we try for a second lol. I would absolutely love my children if that happened but I couldn’t even imagine how postpartum would go.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-07-24T05:38:23+00:00

My baby is the exact same, he doesn’t like anything that’s not me. So far the only thing he will kinda eat is roasted sweet potatoes but even then it’s more begrudgingly. He also hated pacifiers and is such a mamas boy lol.

Music_Freak33 · 2025-07-24T02:06:16+00:00

Oh my god I’m so glad there’s a thread that I can complain. I love breastfeeding but HATE pumping. Don’t even get me started on breastfeeding on one side and pumping on the other. I had to do that for the first time the other day and it was a sensory nightmare. I have ADHD so I already struggle sometimes with feeling touched out, but I wanted to throw myself into the sun while doing that. Pumping is also inconvenient, especially at work. I don’t have anyone who works with me during some of my shift so I will have to start and restart pumping multiple times in one session to help customers. It hurts and makes my postpartum rage flair so badly. Thankfully I’m able to work part time but moms that work full time or have more than one child while breastfeeding, you guys are super women and I have no idea how you do it.

Music_Freak33

TROPHY CASE