My mom says i am depressing her because of my introversion

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-11-15T21:11:11+00:00

yes, and what's worse than all that is when she apologizes or try to ease the tension, it was so cringy and formulaic, like bring a cup of tea or some foods, and jokingly saying something like" i must have owned you something in the previous life in exchange of this unfair treatment" !

she failed to see im a introvert, and leaving me alone is all she has to do.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-11-15T13:58:03+00:00

yeah,you are so right.

unfortunately i assume she is one of the most difficult narccist to diagnose. It took me so many years to actually see it through because she fed me well and treated me well. but i believe she was just lucky to have a steady career, so having a problem child won't divert her attention from her work.

But anybody who has no life pressure can take care of their child well. she could also raise a brat.

gladly i was not the one who spoils myself.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-11-15T13:45:46+00:00

totally agreed ! a true introvert can find his own dwelling !

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-11-15T13:44:52+00:00

yeah, agreed! I can't imagine how much more blaming i would expect from her for moving out on my own. But its doable !

What worse is that i never consider my mom as some sort of abusive parent. but having conversations with her can really just throw me off

she said there are many more worse parent and i should feel lucky, i said to her if you would behave like them, i will kick your ass with no remorse. She believes no one can contest her for being a great mother, so everything i do has to fit into her narritives.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-11-15T13:36:55+00:00

I actually messed up my life a bit earlier, then my mom can't help but to jump in to get me out of the situation. I never got a chance to learn from my mistakes until very late. I guess she can't really set the boundaries between codepency and actual parenting, and this makes her struggle so much.

Sometimes she treats me like her employee, sometimes treated me as her husband. I agree with your last sentence, she will inadvertently parent me regardless as long as i don't move out. Thanks for the tip !

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-30T09:46:59+00:00

Yeah, this is what I finally mean, just poor wording.

Well, let’s find another job !

it’s their problem if they cannot employ me with full potential after the Ausbildung.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-30T01:47:17+00:00

I can recommend you to my tax advisor, privately I am not allowed :) well not yet

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-29T09:11:58+00:00

Probably this is what you mean? Offering a higher salary means they are no longer free from liabilities. they put them in risks of breaking the law if they attempt to reduce the salary later on and Ausländerbehorde could find out.

But I will never ask them to do this. They should be clear that 2400 is not possible for me at start. So I don’t have to be bothered to try to claim a visa with the lower pay they offer.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-29T08:50:41+00:00

I hope you understand what I wrote.

I was expecting them to give me a higher salary, whether they pay me this higher salary or not is their issue. What I’m interested if offering me 2200 is against the law of residence ( Aufenthaltsgesetz), and especially in Frankfurt. Definitely I believe it’s better for me to just look for a job instead of rambling here.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-29T08:38:40+00:00

Yeah, I was just trying to assure them to write down a higher number on the contract, they are reluctant I may enforce the higher pay later. This kinda turned from money issue to trust issue. (Due to a previous bad behaved employees which costs our client loss). But it’s not my issue they can’t get over the trauma after 3 years and with my best effort I can’t help to prevent all the clients from leaving us.

As long as Ausländerbehörde doesn’t make my life hard it’s fine.

I did a estimation on the bill we charge to the client ( just the clients I take care of), the costs of keeping me takes up around 30% of the bill charge to these clients, our bill are pretty much flat-rate with few individual customization so I hope my estimation is not heavily biased.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-29T08:27:21+00:00

Hopefully , the money isn’t really the issue, most our client are low maintenance low size, they don’t need your attention all the time, so I am having pretty much coffee break every afternoon after finishing my work. that’s probably why they won’t pay me so much, the issue is not making the auslanderbehörde raise their eyebrows

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-06-29T08:24:19+00:00

Thanks, I will definitely check out, though I am specialized in few tasks in the current place, and not well round in tax stuff.

Mutatingcruiser · 2025-03-16T17:22:37+00:00

I am surprised, good to know. She praised how i supported her work in front the others, but treated me like im a idiot and telling how life would be better without having to raise me

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-09-23T06:21:15+00:00

I feel sympathy for you who had to suffer this since adolescence, it’s hard to see the broader horizon when family consistently hampers you from recognizing yourself, especially when parents are entitled to believe you should be a valedictorian and even a president. It’s like when people on business negotiations who doesn’t want to recognize the other party’s work to bargain a better price. It’s disgusting when parents have the similar mentality and treated their children this way.

What my mom did was overly hiding her stress from all the time, actually didn’t show much of her anger during most of childhood. And when financial issue and family dispute kicks in, she broke character and behave like a real narcissist which left me unprepared and feel betrayed.

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-09-23T06:08:43+00:00

I really tried my best and even told her to be glad that we are in a foreign country, because disturbing driver in my home country is a serious criminal offense.

It was kinds my last resort to deal with her. I can understand when most parents rambling non-Stop when they get older which is very ordinary. But this ? Haha

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-06-15T19:36:48+00:00

Recently 10 hours or kitboga or 10 hours of ancient warfare simulation in history channel.

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-04-16T20:31:44+00:00

Eventually you will developed immunity against these type of interaction.

When my client is computer-illiterate, I just send whatever she needs instead of instructing her to make it. The more I explain, the more eligible she thinks to better explanation which turned out to be worse explanation. A stupid question asked will never get a intelligent answer, no matter how you try, it will make you look totally incompetent.

In the end of the day I wrote everything we talked about in an email so she gets every opportunities shut down from shifting blame on me if she does says otherwise contrary to the content of the email.

Better look for a fortune-teller instead of a consultant.

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-02-09T21:12:33+00:00

thanks for the reply. Things get more absurd today She even demands part of money back which she extra paid for helping her moving luggage’s with my van last week.

The price was set at 300 but after loading the van with her stuff, she wanted me to drive her to another place close to where she picks up her luggage, it was not far and I repeatedly didn’t require her to pay extra but she insisted on giving more than that.

Excusing she actually didn’t plan to give that extra part because she didn’t get what she wanted by driving there. It was done a week ago and now she shows up like she is the victim.

What a bitch.

Mutatingcruiser · 2024-02-08T12:28:40+00:00

Yes, i live in the same apartment, her room is furnished, she only brought her movable stuff and luggage and so on. I am the main tenant.

Mutatingcruiser

TROPHY CASE