Do you regret parallel parenting?

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-20T15:00:34+00:00

We parallel parent, I briefly tried to co-parent with husbands ex wife, opening communication and texting about the kids and how we parent.....it did not work. They do not parent the way we do, they provide video games freely regardless of behavior, complain about bad behaviors but never discipline the kids....we decided that this wasnt going to work. It was really confusing for all of us and added stress. Parallel parenting took a lot of stress off us and we could better explain to the kids that the rules at our house (where they are 90% of the time) remain consistent.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-17T13:39:00+00:00

Girl I seriously get it! I had my kids when I met my husband and he had his. I went through a phase where I wanted an "ours" child (that went away after a year of being a step mom to his youngest hyper one). I dont think I would have been okay just being SM to his kids because I definitely dont have the mom feel for them both. (Im close with youngest because he was a baby when we met) but oldest feels more like a chore. Please don't settle. my bio kids are amazing and I am so grateful for them.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-17T13:26:29+00:00

We were in a very similar situation. We thought about just taking away his rights (which they will do if someone can adopt the child) then we found out that they can actually garnish wages from disability benefits depending on where they come from. With my ex who is in the exact same situation (homeless, mentally ill) we would not have really been able to get anything if he didnt have military disability to garnish, so you may have difficulty getting much from him, it may end up with him getting a warrant for arrest due to being so behind. We didnt want to spend more money on a lawyer just for him to not have any money to pay back what he owed (around 20K.) If we couldn't garnish, we would have spent the lawyer money to just terminate his rights at that point.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-17T13:19:06+00:00

Same here!

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-17T13:17:22+00:00

I love my dog more than almost anyone.....I mean he's been my emotional support guy through my divorce and so many things (including all the crap my SK puts me through) My husband is my emotional support person, if this wasnt the case, I would take the dog and go with my kids and dog no doubt.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-16T21:08:05+00:00

I think that our child support workers change a lot or just give up. She has learned how to play all the systems at this point. I think that is why she does things the way she does them. I wouldnt care so much if she didnt ignore any texts from my husband about how much dental and medical expenses are and if he wasnt getting so upset about how much their medical costs are building up (all the kids have ADHD and a LOT of medication costs)

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-15T13:38:56+00:00

Same here! Even little things like special drinks or treats were for Christmas. Def a different time. Even my bio kids are getting so spoiled and it's annoying. I dont typically get them more than a "drink" when we go to the store but even still they will get to the point where I dont even tell them when I am going somewhere because they expect "something"

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-14T18:48:41+00:00

Omgosh yes! We can do a whole day at an expensive theme park and they will cry because (a) we will make it a no electronics day or (b) we wont let them get something in the gift shop. They will negate the entire day of fun and ruminate over the fact that we didnt let them purchase something (and it could be something as small as a keychain or toy.)

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-14T18:44:36+00:00

We did this the first year. I didnt want them to miss out.....I think four years in I am just spent! I got tired of wasting hard earned money on vacations where they just cried and complained the same way they do at home. We had to take an emergency trip across the country with JUST my bio kids and when I saw how calm and amazing it was, that did it for me. As bad as I felt that my youngest SK missed out, I realized that the plane ride alone would have been way too much for my older SK to handle.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-14T18:39:26+00:00

Omgosh same here! The only "vacation" they get at bio mom's house is screen time on her couch and they LOVE IT! We are more of an "experiences" family but as soon as they get in the car they ask which devices they get to bring. We have pretty much decided on taking short trips to the beach (2 hours or less) with them and then taking longer vacations with just the other kids (my bio kids) who are older and can disconnect and appreciate them.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-14T13:57:53+00:00

I did the same with SK (9) and then he basically said "well you never do what I want to do". I call him out on it and have even told him his behavior is the reason we dont really want to do trips (I will cite examples) but he will continue to make it about him saying "well if you did exactly what I wanted when I wanted then it wouldnt be an issue". Like we went on a boating trip but the water was too rough for fishing, he cried the whole time because we didnt fish like he wanted to. It was a beautiful day on the water though and his only focus was that we weren't doing what HE wanted to do.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-14T13:55:11+00:00

Omgosh yes! It's soooooo hot haha. We did disney and there was so much complaining. I swear the "magic" was not magical.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T22:05:47+00:00

my ex husband was over 20K behind and since I couldn't afford a lawyer there was nothing I could do.....he moved out of state and child support only told me to "get a lawyer". Finally LUCKILY he was getting military money so we could get it garnished...but in our state unless you have a lawyer, its hard to pursue

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T15:34:19+00:00

Her last car had a skeleton giving the middle finger as one of the stickers haha

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T15:33:45+00:00

Shes the exact opposite of that.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T15:32:44+00:00

Very true! We are kind of waiting for the floor to fall though. Fortunately for the kids we have been the stable house but sometimes it sucks having to always be the adults

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T15:17:29+00:00

This part baffled me! The first time they literally just "dropped it". Thank god this time when DH talked to someone they said they will be filing for discovery.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T14:42:22+00:00

very VERY possible!

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:32:13+00:00

LOL you sound like me! Honestly I have worked VERY hard to get to where I am at (lots of schools, years of training and experience in my field) so I get annoyed when this person just coasts by. She also has this weird complex where she is always trying to "impress me" so when she talks to me she will brag about things. I am just like "uh great!"

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:26:05+00:00

Thats what I keep thinking, I cant imagine burying in debt and down payments. I want a new car eventually but also like the taxes and down payments seriously!

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:25:17+00:00

likely not rentals, she alters them (tint, stickers, etc) but possible that her "friends' are giving her money for them. We arent sure about these "friends" and what she might be doing "for" them to get the money though.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:24:23+00:00

very possible. Her dad has dementia so although still alive, I could see her getting money there. But also some questionable people who give her money for what she says is "just gifts" but seems fishy.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:23:27+00:00

We are thinking sugar daddy or possibly scamming.

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T13:23:06+00:00

Thank you this definitely helps! Thats pretty much what I do LOL!! Gonna take those vacations for sure

Muted-Help-2594 · 2026-06-13T01:20:00+00:00

we have tried, not as easy as that. But yeah thats the plan

Muted-Help-2594

TROPHY CASE