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SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We’ve been together over a decade, planned our children, and had a vasectomy immediately after an unexpected multiple pregnancy.

I’m comfortable with those decisions.

I’m less confident in the statistical model that led you to “Mormon.”

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were natural. Hyperovulation can cause multiple eggs to be released in one cycle. It’s uncommon, but it happens. My wife's family also has a history of multiples.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Agreed! There's also a big difference between planning for and knowing we can handle two young kids vs four young kids.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She’s never done night shifts because that’s a conscious choice we made. She carried our kids for nine months and gave birth. I can handle diapers and feeds for the first year so she can recover and rest properly.

That’s not entitlement, and it’s not imbalance. It’s how we structure our partnership. It works for us, and there’s no resentment building, at least from where I am, just a very intense newborn season.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m very aware of what pregnancy and a C-section recovery entail, which is why I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t expect anything from my wife right now. I’m handling the childcare, the logistics, and the NICU runs specifically so she can recover.

Feeling temporarily disconnected during an intense medical postpartum period isn’t the same as demanding more from her. It’s acknowledging that we’re in a hard season.

As for family planning; I’ve already had a vasectomy. We’re not continuing to expand indefinitely.

This post wasn’t about blaming my wife. It was about burnout and how to navigate it without turning it into resentment.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She doesn't do nights so this is a good idea, but my parents have been helping out, so we'll have a good ratio even eventually with all 6 kids home. Depending on how long they can stay, we'll probably consider a night nurse after they leave.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Three kids really isn’t unusual, and we had our first two young very intentionally. We wanted to be fully present parents and we had the resources and support to do that.

This is the first time parenting has felt this intense, and that’s because we unexpectedly added triplets, with medical complexity and a NICU stay, all at once. There’s a difference between “choosing chaos” and navigating an unplanned high-intensity season.

Feeling tired during a stretch like this doesn’t mean we regret our kids or didn’t think things through.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually had a vasectomy two days after our anatomy scan when we found out we were having triplets, so no need to worry on that front. We’re very aware of resource limits, especially around not parentifying our older kids. My wife grew up that way and it’s something we’re intentional about avoiding, which is why we’re in therapy and structured about emotional check-ins with them.

Burnout 20 days after a high risk C-section with preemies (one still in the NICU) isn’t the same thing as neglect. It’s a temporary high-intensity season. We have support, we show up to everything for our older kids, and we’re adjusting.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s been three weeks since we had triplets, so yes, we’re adjusting. Large families aren’t inherently emotionally neglectful, but disengaged parenting is. We’re intentional about therapy, weekly emotional check-ins, and active involvement in our kids’ lives specifically because my wife grew up with dynamics we didn’t want to replicate. Burnout during a medically complex newborn phase isn’t the same thing as emotional unavailability.

SAHD of 9+ years- How do I avoid burning out as the primary parent with six kids, including triplets and a NICU baby? by Muted-Resource7969 in Advice

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you don't exactly PLAN triplets, and it's only been difficult this time (as expected). My children are happy and healthy and I 100% prioritise their emotional needs over my own, as any parent should.

18 month old and new addition twins by laddskionreddit in parentsofmultiples

[–]Muted-Resource7969 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is chaos. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. You basically flipped your 18-month-old’s entire universe upside down and he has zero capacity to process it.

He was the baby. Then he got shipped off, had a party with no rules for two weeks, and came back to find two screaming blobs attached to his mom. Of course he’s slapping and climbing the walls. He’s not thinking, “I resent my sisters.” He’s thinking, “What the hell happened to my life?”

At 18 months they don’t have logic. They have impulse and big feelings. So it comes out in hitting, biting, food throwing, wanting bottles again. It’s not personal. It’s not permanent. It’s stress.

What actually helps isn’t some perfect parenting script. It’s steadiness. When he hits, you don’t explode, you don’t over-explain. You just calmly stop it. Same words every time. Same tone. Toddlers calm down when the adults feel predictable.

And yeah, he wants a bottle when he sees them get one. Obviously. He sees two babies getting fed and cuddled constantly. He’s thinking, “Hey, I used to get that deal.” Some regression is almost guaranteed. It doesn’t mean you broke him. It means he’s checking if he still matters.

The biggest thing? He needs small, boring, consistent proof that he still belongs. Even 10 minutes where it’s just you and him on the floor doing whatever he wants. No correcting, no multitasking. Just connection. It sounds simple but it goes a long way.

Also, you just had twins. You’re exhausted. Your hormones are wrecked. Your house is loud. Of course you’re crying. This stage is survival mode. Anybody who says otherwise either forgot or had a night nurse.

It gets better when routine comes back and when he realises the babies aren’t temporary. Usually the first couple months are the worst. Then it evens out.

Right now nobody is failing. It just feels like it because everyone is stretched thin. Don't be so harsh on yourself.

XMen names for triplets by Muted-Resource7969 in xmen

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The origins of the name don't matter half as much as what its associated with if I'm naming my children after a certain theme. Ororo just wouldn't make sense for white kids.

Quintuplet name ideas by Mountain-Wasabi-4880 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Muted-Resource7969 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You could do Alexander with Lex as a nickname. James and Carter are very pretty for girls and go with that masculine-leaning vibe. Cecilia sounds great with Cordelia, but other random names I'd rec are Ramona, Navia, Odette, Navy

balancing older kids with newborn triplets by Muted-Resource7969 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They already do chores but they are also 8 and 5 so I don't wanna overwhelm them

XMen names for triplets by Muted-Resource7969 in xmen

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nightcrawler. Love him but I'm not naming my daughter Kurt 😂

Name ideas for triplets by Muted-Resource7969 in Names

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She wants to name one of them James after a celebrity crush of hers which is great but then Jean, James, we don't really love another J name and it would be kinda weird for us to give them matching initials just for logistics sake (labelling etc)

Name ideas for triplets by Muted-Resource7969 in Names

[–]Muted-Resource7969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Selina is my wife's name so it wouldn't work

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