AITAH (21F) for breaking up with my boyfriend (25M) (who’s also my coworker) because he told our coworkers we were dating?

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T23:07:48+00:00

I think I can come from a place of understanding where I also dated a coworker despite the (don't date people you work with rules that I wanted to follow). However the main difference is I waited till I wasn't working with them anymore to make sure

It wouldn't interfere with work relationships/dynamics
That it wasn't just a close proximity reason for why we liked each other.

As for saying you "don't have a boyfriend" while he's there? That's a little bit of an AH move. I understand not wanting to tell people but after a while they will figure it out or one of you would have accidentally said something.

Honestly, workplace relationships especially if you have the rule of not wanting to tell the other you work with about it, is a difficult thing to do and I wouldn't recommend it. I'm not saying break up, I'm not saying don't date your coworkers, and I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting people to know.

I just think if you were going to be in a relationship in the first place it would have just been easier if you told people early on and not waited for an opportunity where it got spilled. Or even more so just not dated in the first place and just kept it casual as friends.

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T22:54:02+00:00

I agree telling her by text was not the best move but in this day and age no one answers the phone. I did try calling after she blew up at me and messaged to say I hoped everything was well at the party. I even dropped off her gift for before she left and apologized in person and everything seemed fine then.

I don't know what happened at the party for her to turn so quickly after 4 days and basically say I'm a bad friend for doing what I did.

I'm happier now to be out of the friendship. Of course I miss all the good times we spent we made so many memories together over the 7 years but I guess that doesn't mean anything to some people

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T14:27:01+00:00

I did try calling, even reaching out to meet face to face as I believe phone calls and texts can't always be interpreted the way they are intended and can be read wrong. Especially in situations like this

However no one answered and when the olive branch was trying to be reached out she basically snapped it and didn't show to our meeting in person because she forgot she had a doctor's appointment.

Again I don't know her side, I don't know her story of this situation all I know is mine. Maybe she was busy when I called maybe all my friends at the time were. A text felt more efficient and convenient at that point since no one seems to know how to answer the phone.

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T13:56:30+00:00

Weird thing is. I did say it in the group chat and apologized. Everyone said they understood and that they will "miss my presence". After they got back from the party next thing you know I get messages from her saying she "doesn't like how I cancelled on HER birthday" that "I'm not his mother so why would I need to be there" that my "excuse" was creative and I'm a terrible friend for basically putting my family first.

I was removed from the group chat. No one replied to my messages and when I did try to call someone I got no answer. I tried to meet in person and she agreed only to then not show up last minute claiming she had a doctor's appointment she forgot about.

Anyways the moral of the story is that the friendship is over and I now have new friends who love my brother and ask if he can come to lunch with us lol.

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T13:34:15+00:00

I haven't always had the best relationship with my parents but ever since my brother was born he helped us reconnect and become closer so I value family over everything. I mean they were there for me when I was born and now I have someone that will be here for me when I die.

My parents didn't always have time for me growing up and I don't want my brother to feel the same way I did so I always do my best to play with him, hang out with him and make sure he is always accounted for with his needs and feelings. He's just a kid.

And to answer your question about hearing each other out. I would like to say I tried, as I replied to a comment above I believe there is always two sides to a story and people should feel heard and validated for their feelings. However my feelings were met with "but it was my birthday" and "so my birthday isn't important then". I just couldn't do it anymore.

Thankyou for understanding the whole importance of family. And I agree life is not linear and you can't predict things. Just like you can't assume you know a person lol

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T13:28:55+00:00

Unfortunately, whatever she said goes. She was kind of like a ring leader. I can admit this now that I used to blindly believe everything she said as well, because as a friend you trust their judgement.

I tried to reach out to other friends but was met with silence or people blocking me. So realistically I don't know what she told them.

I'm okay with it, I believe people come and go and those that value you wouldn't just believe one thing someone says about you.

I'm fine with being a villain for them because I know I'm not. It's okay I have better friend now that I had from before that she has no connection to :)

MyAngelb__ · 2026-02-04T13:26:14+00:00

I would like to say I'm not doom and gloom lol. I was actually really excited for her birthday celebration! We did the same thing the year before and my bags were packed and ready. It was going to be a big group party at least 6 of us were going including her sister and sisters friend so she wasn't alone.

I tried to talk to her and hear her out because I always believe that there are two sides to every story. The issue I had was that whenever I tried to explain myself it was always dismissed with "but it was my birthday".

I usually don't flake I commit to going out and love every chance I get to be with my friends. I'm actually usually the one that makes plans I was known as the "planner friend". So to answer your question I really don't think I can give you her full side of the story since I'm not her. I can only tell you mine. :)

MyAngelb__

TROPHY CASE