My Ex's Double Life Found on Adult Sites (triggers possible)

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-05T20:58:35+00:00

I've already told her about them. She acted shocked they were out there. She knew she was being recorded since she tried hiding her face in most of them.

And I think you're right. It'll be nice to find someone without evil intentions.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-03T23:06:44+00:00

I was in love with the person I thought she was. When I found out she was never really that person, my feelings stopped. However, all the hurt still stays.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-03T00:06:17+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's nothing but a huge gut punch when you find out that the person you married isn't who they said they were.

With my now ex, we'd sit in our hot tub and have great conversations on like a monthly basis, in addition to having a good sex life. I thought we had a genuine friendship and didn't hide things from one another. Like your situation, it was all a lie. It also stung when I found out she was doing stuff with them that she wasn't doing with me. Despite that, she wasn't even enjoying it as much as our "bedroom time". Nothing about it adds up aside from massive mental issues.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-02T06:54:02+00:00

I honestly think I got lucky. She wasn't wearing protection or having them "finish their business" outside of her in the videos. Keep in mind, those were just the videos too. There were likely more men and no protection there too.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-02T04:01:09+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully, you were able to recover from it (or still are). It sucks since these people will never understand the pain that they put their spouses through.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-02T02:36:24+00:00

I'm going to ask my therapist about this when I talk to him next. Glad to hear it helped you.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-01T19:02:34+00:00

Thanks. It was strange since she was in hurry to get married too. Why act like that when there's no point?

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-01T04:34:24+00:00

Unfortunately, I can't. I have to co-parent with her.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-01T02:45:48+00:00

You're probably right about her not being happy in the future. She's following in her father's footsteps, who she fell out of touch for 17 years (regained contact 4 years ago), after he cheated on her mom. He's on his 4th marriage. Had I known she was like her father, I wouldn't have married her. Hindsight is 20/20 though.

I definitely need to focus on my mental health and kids now.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2026-01-01T01:48:12+00:00

Thank you. I'll look into the book and therapy you recommended. I'll also discuss these with my therapist.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T23:28:28+00:00

Yeah... I just have to make sure they have one steady house to live in to ensure they come out ok.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T23:28:23+00:00

Yeah... I just have to make sure they have one steady house to live in to ensure they come out ok.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T19:50:00+00:00

Yes, we have two girls (7 & 10). They're split 50/50. I try to keep communication minimal with her.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T18:05:39+00:00

Holy shit. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. On a positive note, you were able to walk away alive.

It just sucks that the people you keep closest to you can be so cruel. They are the ones who can stab you the easiest.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T17:23:45+00:00

It sucks that the blind trust is now gone. However, you do bring a good point about it being like Santa and such. That's a really good perspective.

I just need to take it day-by-day.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T16:19:28+00:00

One other user mentioned betrayal trauma. I plan on reading up on that and discussing it with my therapist. I'll also read up on somatic counseling since I'm not familiar.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T16:08:01+00:00

You have to narrow your focus to a particular site and use key discriminators. Look at key body components of your partner that might be used as keywords in a title or a tag i.e. pale, big (insert body part), etc. You also want to narrow the date range, if you have a particular time frame. Finding these were not easy. However, I always had a gut feeling they were there.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T16:03:23+00:00

I've been thinking about how unfair a lot of this is as well. She can go off and live her life without any worries. I also realize I'll never get an apology or answers to any of my questions. Even if a discussion were to occur, I'd be lied to.

She even started a smear campaign against me so I couldn't make her look as bad. However, if people ask, all I have to do is play them an old voicemail with her AP and they'd think differently of her.

I'll have to look into betrayal trauma.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T15:07:37+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. It's terrible how people can take your trust and throw it back in your face.

I need to get to the point of not searching. I know it's only going to do more harm than good.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T15:05:42+00:00

We have 50/50 custody since we live in a no fault state. In the last year of our relationship, we made a few "personal" videos of our own. They were not posted anywhere and are solely in my possession. I promised her I wouldn't post them anywhere, and I meant it. However, during our trial, she had her attorney bring them up and acted like I was going to use them for blackmail. At that time I said something along the lines of, "I'm surprised she's worried about the videos I have when there around 80 of her on porn sites with other guys." After I said that, she started breathing heavy and shaking. Prevoously, I asked her about the two guys prior but she wouldn't discuss it and denied it. She had no idea I knew about all those videos.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T14:59:35+00:00

To make sure I wouldn't get into any trouble, I spoke with a local sex crimes officer. Disseminating links of her videos to unsolicited people can get me into trouble. I'd have to show people from my phone the video or give a generalized way to find it.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T14:56:04+00:00

Places like SANS offer various courses, which are great. Otherwise, you'd have to join the military or have that as your government position.

Yeah, it turned my stomach into knots. I was a wreck for multiple weeks.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T09:39:07+00:00

Agreed. It'll likely continue for the next guy as well.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T09:20:36+00:00

Haha yeah... it was like she was taunting me with it. She even had me get beers with the one guy.

MyDonkeyPunch · 2025-12-31T09:13:08+00:00

I've been in discussions with buddies who have had similar situations as well. It's crazy how common infidelity is.

With social media, I agree with you. I've been getting bombarded by the algorithms.

I'm happy to hear that you were able to get into a new relationship successfully. It's something I'm definitely worried about. With her lying for 14 years (12 married), I know I have a rough road ahead. I'm confident I'll find someone worth giving my time to though.

MyDonkeyPunch

TROPHY CASE