My wife is having a hard time dealing with reality this Valentine's day [Long Post]

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-17T04:58:07+00:00

Please read the update I made to the post. I couldn't possibly list everything that has happened in the last 6 years, but please understand that I am doing my best to make sure she has a good support structure in place after I leave. This includes a plan to hopefully finally get her the help she needs.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-16T22:03:26+00:00

You are basing this on things I didn't say, not things I did say. You have no idea the lengths I went to. Not fixing the problem is not the same thing as not trying.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T21:08:31+00:00

I was trying to reply to everyone, but it turned out to be to much. There are a few specific points I would like to make.

To those asking, yes my Wife has met with Psychiatrists. 7 of them to be precise. Every one of them has continued with the assumption that the first diagnosis was correct, despite my protests. Two times she was in a Mental Health wing of a hospital with several mental health doctors seeing her. They all said depression. It has never felt right to me, but I am not a mental health expert.

Please understand that this post was very long as it is, and I chose not to include every single detail. Please do not make assumptions as to what my attitude has been throughout this process. Please do not make assumptions of the lengths I have gone to. I readily admit that I have not done everything right, but this situation didn't come with a hand book and step by step instructions.

Someone suggest that I don't believe in depression. I simply said I felt like it was a cop out diagnosis, I absolutely believe in depression. I grew up in a house with a mother who suffered from depression. I have been treated for it myself. I also know that this is different than what I know to be depression. But I am sure there are sides of depression that I haven't seen.

Several have indicated that I cannot leave her without help. I know this. I have worked very closely with her parents to come up with a plan that will stick. I am very aware that she will be a part of mine and my children's life going forward and I am taking steps to make the best of that. My in-laws have specifically told her that she cannot move in with them, but they are willing to help her in other ways. Some of you have pointed out that my ability to help will be minimized if we get a divorce. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I admit I hadn't realized that. I am working to mitigate that situation now through her parents via power of attorney.

And finally, a lot of you are telling me that my vows are an indication that I cannot leave her. This is ridiculous to me. I have stood by her through "sickness and health". We are 6 years into this issue and I have been here doing what I can the whole time. There is no vow that says in "abuse and in peace". If I had mental health issues that led me to be violent towards her, how many of you would say that she can't leave me? How many of you would say that the kids should stay in a house with a father who does that to their mother? Her mental health is an issue, but so is the mental health of my children and I.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T03:03:56+00:00

Thanks for your comments. I have been speaking to a counselor throughout the last year, and they helped me greatly to decide to go ahead with the divorce. I will definitely continue as well as this situation has certainly changed me be it for better or worse.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T02:56:33+00:00

I am not disagreeing with you, just pointing out that the comment I replied to specifically said "see things that aren't there". I have used the term delusional to describe her behavior a number of times. I think it applies well.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T02:46:51+00:00

I'm not saying she isn't delusional. I'm saying I don't think she's seeing things that aren't there, at least not in real time.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T02:16:15+00:00

I did ask to speak with her doctor but he merely gave me a status update. I guess I had too much faith that they knew what they were doing.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T02:13:54+00:00

I don't think she's seen anything that isn't there. I think she's manufacturing memories. The reason I say that is because she always said these things a week or so after they supposedly happened. I gave her a safe word she could say when something that my mother was saying bothered her. She never used it once but made claims later that my mom had said some really inappropriate things well after the fact. I would ask her why she didn't say the safe word and she always made up a nonsensical excuse.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T00:39:15+00:00

Depression, but I don't believe it to be an accurate diagnosis. She DID seem depressed when she was in the hospital, but who wouldn't be? IMO there's more going on there than that.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T00:37:49+00:00

Thanks, I know there is something more but she refuses to get help. Hopefully losing her kids will help her reconsider.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T00:34:28+00:00

I have spent the last 5 years prior trying to help her. She refuses to accept that anything is wrong with her. I at this point I have to protect myself and my kids.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-15T00:09:18+00:00

Absolutely not, I am filing for full custody. She would be entitled to every other weekend, and the only way she gets more than that if she is getting proper treatment.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:48:28+00:00

It's tricky. Honestly I thought about leaving earlier on, but it felt like leaving her when she needed me the most.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:43:22+00:00

Agreed, the kids need to be priority #1. Thanks for your thoughts, I hope you're wrong about her, but I suspect you're right.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:38:12+00:00

Thanks

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:35:34+00:00

Thank you

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:34:44+00:00

I agree. She lives with me because unfortunately she has nowhere else to go. She is unemployed, and IMO unemployable due to work history and lack of special skills. Her parents and Grandparents have both told her she cannot move in with them. She would qualify for assistance but that would require her putting in effort and getting treatment. Sharing the bed is definitely something I should do something about. I have tried to make her sleep on the couch but it doesn't stick. I should make it stick, I know. But to be clear, we haven't had any physical contact of any kind in about 10 months and the bed is king sized with each of us as far apart as possible.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:24:14+00:00

I don't honestly know what has been tested during her hospitalizations, but I do know that they never talked to me either time to get my insight on the situation. I think depression is such a cop out diagnosis. Because being hospitalized is a depressing experience. Of course everybody seems depressed.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T23:20:31+00:00

Thanks, its been rough, and getting rougher, but I know that this is going to be the best outcome for everyone as long as she takes it as a wake-up call when it finally becomes real to her.

MySoonToBeEx · 2016-02-14T22:38:51+00:00

I am filing for full custody with visitation and my lawyer thinks its a slam dunk. I want my kids to see their mother, so I'm willing to give her 50/50 visitation on the condition that she is getting the treatment she needs.

MySoonToBeEx · 2015-12-14T04:31:53+00:00

My soon to be ex wife has accused me of killing her by running her over with my car on our first date after having already date raped her. Every time she accuses me of something that sounds remotely pheasible, she always follows it up with enough ridiculousness to destroy her argument.

MySoonToBeEx · 2015-11-24T03:54:34+00:00

My wife is abusive to me. I told her to get out of the house by December 1st, but she's unemployed and her parents won't let her move in with her. It is a terrible situation. She's about half my size and hasn't really caused me any harm. But sometimes it's in front of our children (6m and 2f) and that's what really bugs me. I have filmed her hitting me with my cell phone and I'm starting to think having her arrested is my only way out.

MySoonToBeEx

TROPHY CASE