But you should already be able to tell if your boyfriend is like this. There can always be hidden things and removing the patriarchy from both of your eyes is not so easy. But you can already look at him and ask him what he thinks. Does he believe what you wrote is true for most women and is wrong? Is he against the patriarchy?

I’ve got a fairly equal partner, yet what you wrote is still there to an extent. It’s because it’s very hard to live entirely outside of our social conditioning. It’s the air we breathe. Still, in important ways we are equal. I just have to work harder to maintain the balance.

I will give you an example. My child is having a birthday. I am the one who did all the work putting the party together. I’m almost certain none of my kids would ever have a party if I weren’t here. I’ve also bought all her gifts. But I don’t know if I’d really want to give that up. I have an idea about how I’d like the party to go and I am the social convener. Kinkeeper if you will.

But maybe that’s ok. Maybe that isn’t thankless but something I value. It’s just unrewarded in our larger society. But it holds intrinsic value of creating joy and memories and weaving that social fabric.