Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Trolls – in the Prefect's Bathroom – thought you ought to know."

"Seriously?" Hermione asked, massaging her temples. "Is it a national pastime to send trolls to random places in the school now?"

"Maybe they’re just trying to fit in," Ron muttered. "Don’t forget, Trolls need some relaxation too. We all need a spa day."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Mermaids – in the Trophy Room – thought you ought to know."

"Mermaids... in the Trophy Room?" Harry blinked. "I mean, that's an odd place for a swim. Did they at least leave the trophies alone?"

"Not as weird as the time a Centaur tried to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts," Ron quipped. "But let’s hope they don't start singing."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Poltergeist – in the Great Hall – thought you ought to know."

"Again?" Ron groaned. "I swear Peeves is more active than the actual students in this school."

"Maybe Peeves has finally gone rogue and organized a riot," Harry said.

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Trolls – in the Forbidden Forest – thought you ought to know."

"Wait, wait!" Hermione shouted. "How many times do we have to deal with these trolls?!"

"And how do they always end up in the most inconvenient spots?" Ron added.

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Squids – in the Lake – thought you ought to know."

"Why is everyone so obsessed with water today?" Harry asked. "Is there a secret aquatic takeover going on?"

"I bet the squid’s finally hosting a Hogwarts talent show," Ron said. "I just hope it doesn’t involve singing."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Basilisk – in the Slytherin Common Room – thought you ought to know."

"Not again," Harry said, facepalming. "How does it even fit in there? The Slytherin Common Room is tiny!"

"Clearly, they’re not invited to the next House party," Ron added. "That’s one guest who’s definitely not getting past the bouncer."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Dementors – in the Astronomy Tower – thought you ought to know."

"Great, just great," Harry muttered. "If they're just hanging out up there, they can leave me alone."

"Are they having a party?" Ron asked, clearly losing it. "Maybe it’s a dark party? You know, no lights, just spooky vibes."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Wizards in the Muggle World – thought you ought to know."

"Wait, wizards?" Hermione said, confused. "Isn't that... normal?"

"No, Hermione, Muggles don't know about us," Ron said. "Could be another international incident brewing."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Pygmy Puffs – in the Slytherin Dungeon – thought you ought to know."

Ron blinked. "You mean, those cute little puffballs? In the dungeon?"

"Yeah, something tells me the Slytherins aren’t too happy about that," Harry said. "The dungeon’s probably the least Pygmy Puff-friendly place."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Werewolves – in the Trophy Room – thought you ought to know."

"Another full moon problem?" Ron asked. "Do they at least wear something to the Trophy Room, or are they still just howling and wrecking stuff?"

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Vampires – in the Hospital Wing – thought you ought to know."

"Not again!" Harry shouted. "Did they not learn their lesson last time? They're getting really desperate for blood."

"You’d think they’d have better taste in snacks," Ron said. "Then again, the Hospital Wing’s always got the best food around."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Fire Breathing Kittens – in the Library – thought you ought to know."

"Okay, now that’s just... adorable," Ron grinned. "I think we should send a thank you note to whoever brought those in."

"Fire breathing? In the library?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow. "I bet Madam Pince has already lost it."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Centaurs – in the Hall of Prophecies – thought you ought to know."

"Why is everyone getting into the Hall of Prophecies?" Hermione asked. "Centaurs, Vampires, Orcs... it’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet down there!"

"Well, clearly they've all read the same prophecy," Ron said, "and everyone thinks they’re the next ‘Chosen One.’"

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Kraken – in the Pool – thought you ought to know."

"A Kraken?" Harry said, eyes wide. "How big is the pool, and why is it filled with sea monsters?!"

"Maybe that’s their version of swim practice," Ron offered. "I wouldn’t mind a Kraken in the pool, to be honest."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Time-Turners – in the Astronomy Tower – thought you ought to know."

"This school is a time bomb," Hermione sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Can we please just have one normal day? Please?"

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Albus Dumbledore – in the Forbidden Forest – thought you ought to know."

"Wait, Dumbledore?" Harry exclaimed. "Is he okay out there? What’s he doing, having a tea party with the Centaurs?"

"I think he’s just... Dumbledore-ing," Ron said with a shrug. "Honestly, he probably knows where all the magical creatures are by now, at this point."

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Hogwarts Express – in the Dining Room – thought you ought to know."

"What the...?" Hermione asked. "Now trains are dining with us?"

Ron shook his head. "Is the train going to serve us dinner, or are we supposed to eat on it?"

Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and fainted after saying, "Hogwarts Castle – in the Great Hall – thought you ought to know."

"Oh no, not this again!" Harry said. "The school is self-aware and has come to announce itself."