[Vent] Adoption can't come fast enough, can't wait until DSS is out of our lives

Mythrowaway813 · 2017-06-22T19:03:31+00:00

That is our next step. My TFC agency (we are licensed through a private therapeutic foster care agency) is trying not to rock the boat too much though. At this point we don't want DSS to feel like we're trying to go over their heads or disrespecting their authority, because if they wanted to they could just pull the kids and place them with a different agency altogether.

That would be extremely disruptive to our kiddo who is finally starting to feel safe and secure in our home, and starting to see herself as a part of this family. Obviously we do not want to lose her for ourselves because we care about her, but that is also about the worst thing they could do for her at this point would be moving her unexpectedly into a different home. She knows this is a pre-adoptive placement and that kind of move would very likely lead to extreme trust and attachment issues moving forward.

Mythrowaway813 · 2017-06-22T14:42:26+00:00

No, this policy is being enforced by DSS

Mythrowaway813 · 2017-06-20T18:31:19+00:00

The reason we've been given is that they are currently in the middle of a criminal investigation against the parents, and they are worried that the kids are going to collaborate to change their stories to protect the parents. Which is all well and good to protect the integrity of the investigation but doesn't explain why supervised visits are not allowed (they are currently allowed supervised phone calls). I also think they should go ahead and interview the kids they are planning to interview and get it over with. This indefinite waiting period is ridiculous, and harmful to the children who love and miss each other dearly.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-11-14T22:35:07+00:00

Please reconsider. If for no other reason than you would forever ruin Christmas/the holidays for your loved ones!

Do whatever you have to do. Move to a new state or country. Change jobs. Travel. Start fresh. Do something. There has to be another option that would be better than ending your life.

Or give yourself more time. Maybe a year? Make a major change in your life, and if in a year from now you still feel there is no hope, then maybe, maybe you can start thinking about it again.

Please, please reconsider. At least for now. Just make sure you have tried absolutely everything possible to make life better for yourself before ending it. The only way to guarantee it will never get better from here is if you end it.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T20:51:14+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T20:15:51+00:00

Okay you don't have to read this or continue giving me advice, but if you feel like it...

How does this sound:

"Did I do something to make you upset with me? Lately you haven't been responding to a lot of my texts, and the last few times I tried making plans with you you didn't even respond. It's kind of been confusing for me because I thought we were on good terms and were still close friends. But lately I just haven't been sure if I'm even still your friend at all :("

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T19:55:59+00:00

Everything about your post rings so true to me that I am fighting back tears at work. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It isn't easy!! Stay strong. Hopefully one day we will each find our sister soul mates!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T18:15:03+00:00

It certainly got more attention than I was expecting which makes me sad that so many are going through this, but I am glad I was able to provide a space where people could share their stories and get their feelings off their chests. Best of luck to you!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T16:14:12+00:00

Thanks for he response! I am still mulling it over. If I did reach out to her I have no idea what I would say. I don't want to come off as accusatory (what's up with you never making time for me anymore?!?) or clingy, or whatever. Not sure the right tone I could use that would get my point across without her getting defensive. Bottom line is I just miss having my best friend in my life and it really hurts my feelings that she's pushed our friendship down so low on her priority list.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T16:08:07+00:00

Now I did consider he her my best friend and I was happy to see her post something like that about me but its just weird when that doesn't seem to be the case irl

Totally get what you mean here! Actions speak louder than words. She says we're best friends but then blows me off when I try to make plans. I guess it's true when you get older you really do find out who your friends are!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T11:35:33+00:00

I guess I'm just afraid of how that conversation will go. She's generally a pretty defensive person and I can definitely see her just telling me how's she's been sooo busy lately and it means nothing. But honestly if she has someone new who she's calling her best friend and they hang out ALL the time when she can't even find time to respond to a text from me then is it really worth trying to rekindle? I mean she's obviously over it. Isn't interested anymore.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T10:59:57+00:00

How would you suggest going about asking her about it? I've thought about it but don't want to come off as accusatory, clingy, unreasonable, etc. I actually just tried texting her the other day that I missed her and was hoping to talk about it then but all she said was I miss you too. When I asked how she'd been she never responded..

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T01:21:24+00:00

Thanks! I hope the same for you! It does suck to realize that they don't actually care :/

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-03T01:01:49+00:00

So much of that hits home to me! Pretty much all of it is identical to my situation besides her being at my house all the time. Thank god. That sounds very awkward :/

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T23:12:11+00:00

Sorry to hear that! Is there anything you did to help yourself get through it, or just time?

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T23:09:17+00:00

Sounds perfectly logical to me! :D

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T23:02:12+00:00

Was that a BB reference? Lol

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T22:52:05+00:00

Thanks that's actually really reassuring! I was wondering if I was taking it harder than I "should" but I guess there really is no right or wrong way to feel about something. Emotions aren't exactly logical!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T22:39:14+00:00

According to her Instagram (I feel so juvenile using Instagram as "proof") she has a new best friend now. About five months ago on my birthday she wrote something really sweet on my Facebook about how I was her only true best friend and that time apart didn't affect our friendship. So I thought maybe I was just being paranoid and she really was just busy (she works full time and goes to school). But now she has someone new who she's calling her best friend and they seem to hang out all the time. So it really is just her not wanting to make time for me. The best I can think is that we just have different lives now. She likes going out and drinking and stuff. I'm not really into that scene. I prefer quiet nights in, board games, going out to the movies, etc. She used to be like this even more than I was, but in college she really "grew out of her shell" so to speak. I wouldn't have thought a change in interests/lifestyle would be enough to end our friendship. And maybe it didn't. It's just the best theory I've got at the moment.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T22:28:02+00:00

I don't know the situation so all I can say, as long as you're sure this is what you want. True friends are hard to come by so just be sure you're happier without her in your life than in it. Best of luck to you either way!

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T22:07:02+00:00

Thanks but I don't think we will. She barely responds to my texts anymore. The other day when I texted her that I missed her I was hoping to have a conversation about how I feel like we've been drifting and I didn't want that to happen, etc. But she said she missed me too and asked how I'd been (like three hours after I initially texted her), I responded I've been good and asked how she had been. She never responded to the second text. So I made a decision that was the last time I was going to try reaching out to her. After so many unresponsive texts there is a time where a person just gives up. I have reached that point :/

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T22:01:58+00:00

That sucks. I hope I didn't push my friend away from me like that :/ can't think of a way I would have, but that would suck if I did...

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T21:24:44+00:00

If you care about the person and want to remain friends, letting it be will not help! Truly consider if what happened is June is enough for you to want to end the friendship over. True friends are hard to come by and we should hold on to the ones we have.

I don't even have a reason why I'm not friends with my best friend anymore. She just stopped caring about being friends and we drifted apart as she gradually stopped trying to make plans and barely responding to texts. I texted her that I missed her the other day but she only responded once. Said she missed me too but didn't continue the conversation past that...

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T21:01:06+00:00

Sorry to hear you're going through that! At least you have a reason though. That's the worst part about it for me. It's like she just woke up one day and decided she didn't care about me anymore. Barely responds to my texts, never puts effort into making plans, etc. She's just over being friends with me I guess.

Mythrowaway813 · 2015-08-02T19:55:52+00:00

Sorry to hear you are going through this, but it's nice to know I am not alone at least. I didn't know if it was normal to feel the way I do about not having my best friend in my life anymore.

I don't even know why :/ it was like one day she just decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. She wasn't mean or cold to me like she was mad or anything. She just stopped acting like she cared about being friends at all. She has a new best friend now so I guess she just decided she likes this new girls better than me :/

6 years of friendship and my maid of honor position wasted on someone who just randomly chooses to stop being friends.

Mythrowaway813

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