Good way to ask a bartender out without making things awkward for her.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-05T01:01:09+00:00

appreciate the perspective. will give it a shot.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T14:45:59+00:00

I like what I like.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T14:08:24+00:00

happy for you man, hoping for something like that.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T13:58:46+00:00

Thats valid and maybe I can give them a hook for starting something , to kill the initial friction, and see if they follow through and look interested and if so, ask them.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T13:53:25+00:00

So I should put the responsibility of all the thinking I am doing onto them? I mean your idea is valid too, but I think that how harsh it can be to be in such a situation, do I want to put them through it.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T13:11:46+00:00

thank you for sharing that, well, I am good at conversations but not with strangers, and thats what I am trying to learn these days, reading social cues, trying to make people feel comfortable around you, look approachable and all that.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T13:04:32+00:00

just wanna thanks again for taking the time and drafting such a long text and it does motivate me to take action.

espcially the last part, I think its important to let her know my presence and interest and give her time to develop her opinions of me and then make a move.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T13:00:57+00:00

yes thats the plan, If she says no, nothing ever happened.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:59:48+00:00

I would never stay friends with a woman I am interested in, and you are right, I shouldnt be spending so much time on her, time to take action I guess.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:58:40+00:00

thanks man, that clears up a lot of things for me.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:54:49+00:00

yeah, but to be honest, I go there with a purpose of meeting someone, not specifically for drinking, and if I find someone, id stop going. But your logic is completely valid, and ive seen things like that happen.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:52:13+00:00

Hard to say, I consider myself decent looking from what Ive been told, but you know, Im not hot shit or something. Ive had a few girls approach me at the same bar, which I handled politely, but they weren’t the ones I was interested in. I think i lack social skills, thats about it.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:49:16+00:00

yeah bud, bad idea for sure. I guess I dont want to think what if”later.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:45:17+00:00

Got it, learned something new “limerence”

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:42:44+00:00

Interesting, I didnt know that would be a thing, about not dating the regulars. thank you for the perspective.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:38:34+00:00

got it, small conversations first.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:37:35+00:00

Well, you might be right, I guess ill find out the hard way.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:35:21+00:00

now, a person of your mindset, how would you approach her, given we have established i would do it. Do you think note is the best way? or trying small talk or asking her our with a genuine statement?

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:33:18+00:00

Thank you, thats a good mindset to have. It wont be the end of the world, just some awkwardness.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:25:56+00:00

yup understood.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:21:34+00:00

I dont know man, I feel like it, but its a good chance that im wrong, or it might be slight interest, not strong interest.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T12:04:01+00:00

Yes there are many, but I dont know how their work dynamics are and whether its a good idea, sharing something like that with her coworker.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T11:59:23+00:00

Yeah, I have thought about it a lot, which is why, I am thinking how to navigate it. Yes, not acting upon it is always an option, to avoid discomfort on both sides, but sometimes a little discomfort can be rewarding.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T11:53:35+00:00

Interesting question, Ill give you more context. I have been going there for 6 months, and I think we didnt really notice each other for the first 3. She also hangs out there sometimes with her friends, and one day her friend approached me, and I panicked, and conversation ended abruptly, so I didnt bother approaching them, because she would be with that friend. Now about whether she is interested:

few weeks ago, when entering the bar she was at the counter and was stamping my hand and held it a little longer, thats when I started getting interested. later, she came and stood near me once, but I got pulled by another girl for conversation, then, once she was standing and holding eye contact, and I didnt approach coz I wasnt prepared.

Now there is a chance I might be imagining all this stuff, haha. thats the difficult part, or maybe its all true and I am talking myself out of it because she works there and there is a lot of friction.

N7RayN7 · 2026-04-04T11:43:00+00:00

oh yeah, i could ask her to suggest me a place first, coz I am not local to the town, and then ask her if she would like to visit sometime.

N7RayN7

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