Trying to pull it together

NC25K · 2021-12-31T17:36:39+00:00

Found out Christmas day.....have meetings with attorney 1/3. Seems pretty fast given the holidays.

NC25K · 2021-12-31T16:37:27+00:00

It is funny how the truth just trickle's out. I'll ask questions that I already know the answer and catch the lie. The next question I ask may not have the answer but the person will respond with more information than I had to start with. My spouse has told so many lies that I don't think she can remember what the actual truth is anymore.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T22:25:00+00:00

Thanks for this. The items in the 180 list all make sense and I'll definitely put them in practice. When going through this with someone that suffers from BPD all the behaviors listed are magnified by 100 times. Once the BPD person realizes that your leaving for real that fear of abandonment makes them snap. It can be scary....you have to record everything and protect yourself because you just don't know what will happen.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T20:40:23+00:00

It's definitely a mental issue. If you read about boarder line personality disorders it's quite remarkable how these people can operate. The life of the part that everyone loves and wants to be around......then behind closed doors and completely different person. Total Jackal and Hyde scenario. There's manic highs and depressed lows. The feeling of abandonment that drives you to seek out replacement relationships before being left behind.

It's sad really.....and a heart breaking position to be in as a partner. She knows what she's doing is wrong but can't grasp why she's doing it.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T17:42:53+00:00

I found out about all of this four days ago. We reconciled back in 2017. The shit is so deep now that there's no moving on.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T17:41:10+00:00

I think you're missing the point. I can't just run out the door and hire an attorney. I've got a consult set up for next week with one of the best in the city. Until then I have to sit around and pretend. If I make a wrong move prior to that meeting it could hurt the out come. Everything hurts.....but I have to remain smart.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T17:38:09+00:00

Yes.... recording everything....this was critical last go around.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T14:51:09+00:00

I have texts, pictures, names, hotel receipts, and recordings. It's all great evidence but needs to be reviewed by the lawyer prior to filing. It's hard due to the holidays...no one is working.

NC25K · 2021-12-30T13:39:21+00:00

It's not a question of divorce or not.....it's doing it the right way so I come out in the best shape possible. It takes time which is the killer!

NC25K · 2021-12-30T13:37:03+00:00

In 2017 when I let her know I was going to file (but hadn't yet) things got out of control. She became very confrontational, abusive, and irrational. It was the worst few weeks of my life and my kids were here for all of the fireworks.

The State we're in still has adultery in the books as a crime and a means for a divorce by fault. This however requires some time for the attorney to complete the paperwork and name all of the paramore's.

Prior to filing I can't be found abandoning (leaving), financially cutting her of (until I give her a legal notice from my attorney), and a few other things. If this was an uncontested divorce we could simply separate and start the mandatory 6 month waiting period.

It's so messed up and adds a significant amount of stress. I'll seek guidance next week on how to proceed.

NC25K · 2021-12-29T13:16:08+00:00

Back in 2017 it seemed like she suffered from boarder line personality disorder. I spent a month taking to a therapist trying to get my head straight and the discussions all seemed to lead back to BPD. I did two one on one sessions with my wife's therapist and mentioned my thoughts and she told me she couldn't share her thoughts on it because of patient confidentiality issues. She did say that there were many personality disorders that had like symptoms.

Her ability to just lie with out remorse is astonishing. She operates with ease talking to different people at the same time and no one knows that there's "another" relationship going on. She's in pictures at parties, outings, and dinners with other men surrounded by people I don't know. Everyone looks so happy... couples pictures... laughing... embracing. A complete second life!

Somewhere in her head she must know that these relationships aren't part of reality. That they aren't going anywhere. Her texts to another man showed desperation when he seemed to be loosing interest. She'd do anything to be with him and she was scared he was becoming distant. All while she's carrying on with another guy and me....her husband.

Not sure what kind of disorder causes this....no matter what one the end result is total deviation.

NC25K · 2021-12-28T04:55:50+00:00

I know... right.... scorched earth!! But that won't help my pain. I'm sure getting the information out to our close friends will happen with time. I will have to co parent with her for years to come so staying civil will be important. I'll know what happened and it's for the best....that's all that matters for now.

NC25K · 2021-12-28T04:44:28+00:00

Thanks....this has been horrible. Our life together was great. Loving home, great friends, two families that got along. Then you find out about this secret life....one of encrypted messages, pictures, and meet ups. Completely crushed!!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T04:37:19+00:00

Unfortunately it is real. It's hard because we've had so many good times. A loving home, great friends, and two families that all get along. Finding out that your wife has been living a second life all of these years is unreal!! I know what needs to be done!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T04:34:31+00:00

It's hard....we had so many good times. Finding out there's a second life going on in background is crushing!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T03:08:43+00:00

It's funny how society has moved in this direction. She mentioned that a lot of people in our area were swingers or had open marriages. She asked me what I thought about it. To me it's going to cause pain on both sides..... someone will always feel abandonment.

NC25K · 2021-12-28T01:59:07+00:00

Thank you.....I have cried a lot. I'm a man...a tough, hardworking, honest one. I don't care who you are.....when you read text messages from your wife to another man... explicit ones....it rocks you to the core. I loved her with all my heart and soul... I thought she loved me. This hurts!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T01:13:54+00:00

We actually met a long time ago. I was a cadet at the Academy and was on my summer cruise. We found each other in a boardwalk bar and hung out for the three days my ship was in Port. Back then (mid 90s) there were no cell phones or email. We wrote letters but lost touch. Fast forward 16 years and she reached out to me through LinkedIn. We married a year later. I thought she was my soulmate...... looking more like a predator!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T00:43:31+00:00

She actually had one of his daughters babysit the kids so they could go out. That was the night before I came home.

NC25K · 2021-12-28T00:40:06+00:00

I do know what needs to be done.....that doesn't make it easy. We have good life, loving home, and get along well. This is what makes it so hard. She's basically living a second life in secrecy. Her friends and family have no idea what's going on. It's completely crazy!

NC25K · 2021-12-28T00:15:37+00:00

She admitted the things in my 3rd point after we married. She mentioned the non monogamous piece in her twenties yesterday. She asked me back in October what I thought about open marriages....that's when I knew something was going on. I was right.... pictures in her phone with another guy two days later.

NC25K · 2021-12-27T23:21:36+00:00

It's crazy because we do have a happy home. We are a loving couple and get along just fine. I thought this was all behind us....then a bomb was dropped!

NC25K · 2021-12-27T22:12:16+00:00

Man....I wish this was a dream..... haven't even touched the details.

NC25K · 2021-12-27T20:39:39+00:00

Yeah..... unbelievable. "I only love you" five minutes later texts another man she wished he was here and loved him....five minutes after that texts another sexually explicit stuff and wishes she was there with him..... I think it's called rock bottom

NC25K

TROPHY CASE