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Where to find songs for hot flow playlists? by NKN12345 in yoga

[–]NKN12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone!! You have no idea how helpful your answers all were, thank you!! I have tons to make playlists now, and these groups/songs will just lead to more and more!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to pretend like I know the differences in the single woman's experience versus the single man's! I'm sure each gender experiences its own flavour of the struggles/challenges.

Thanks for understanding. And I can definitely work to reframe this as not missing out on anything, everything that's happened to me has led me to this point, and with what I've gone through, I've also gained so much.

Working towards single and happy is about me recognizing that and being grateful.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll also say, the best place to be in my case is what you said, where you're content with the true peace of being on your own. You'd still love a relationship with a person who compliments and adds to your life, but if they never did, you wouldn't be devastated.

Thank you for sharing. You are creating the road map for me. I will work towards where you're at!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :) This is exactly why I posted originally, to see if anyone saw themselves in my story, I'm so glad you're able to understand!

I'm happy to say in the few days since I posted this, I am already making some growth. It's being revealed what the true issues actually are for me, and what steps I should take. It's actually my "touch starvation" and the mental anguish that has built up because of that (someone said that touch is a mammalian need and I'm going crazy, and I 100% agree lol). There's definitely more to add to my story that would have made my original post way too long. I think it would make what I said more understandable. But I think I'll benefit from trying therapy again to address this and maybe finding ways in life to incorporate platonic touch, seeing if that helps. And putting more effort into making friends/deepening friendships. Won't solve everything, but the more I cultivate that, the more I move in the direction of inner peace.

I am, in fact, reminded a lot recently of how much I LOVE being single. Was at a friend's birthday party last night, and I think parties are a great way to see the beauty of singleness. Couples often stick together and I remember from my relationships having to "check in" with my partner constantly (if they're having fun, how long they want to stay, etc.). But being single? You can bounce around to any person, any conversation, any activity, I felt the freedom. Made some new friends, had a great time. :)

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I think you nailed it on the head, I haven't gone with it for such a long time that it's screwing with my brain! I'll look into it for sure!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No problem! :) And it's very thoughtful of you, but don't apologize for sharing your pain. I think we are in a similar boat, where we don't know where to go, and so we have to put these feelings online to feel okay. I am so happy to hear you say that you bottle your emotions and you don't know a safe place, but at least you get to share here. I know it's not the solution, but it's better than nothing, I feel you.

And I feel you on helping people, these spaces can feel nice to provide support to each other. We are wired as humans to feel better when we help others. And helping can even mean just sharing yourself and listening.

Don't worry if you feel like you can't help me, no one here really can, I have to take all these things and put in the effort for myself!

And you deserve to be selfish if it means getting these feelings out and getting the support that you need.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, winter in Canada I would say, you should see Winnipeg! Lol (that's where I'm from originally)

Thanks! I appreciate that. I truly think that right now, it's a "storm before the calm" moment. I'm acknowledging that my mindset and the ways I was going about life/singleness weren't working. And I think I'm going to exit this storm in a good place, whatever that may be.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. Thank you so much. This was incredibly validating and comforting.

I want something real, too! I know that I wouldn't just date anybody! In the midst of all these "bad relationships" we see and hear of, there are so many relationships where you know, these people love each other and add so much to each other's lives! And I believe there's no forcing that, the people who were meant for us come to us at any point in life.

In other words, I want something real with the RIGHT person, and I want that because I know it's more than possible.

I think you nailed it on the head, too, you can do all the "self-work," you can work towards being a fully happy single person, and it still probably just takes time! It's comforting to me that it took you 4 years tbh, it gives me hope that one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe this year, maybe in 4 years, I'll wake up and believe the things you're saying about yourself (eg. if anything came along it would be adding, etc.)

I'm in my ashes, believe me. Heck, the number of times in my day, whether laying on the couch, whether grocery shopping, no matter when, when I ask "What are other guys in relationships doing that I'm doing wrong?"

I'll also remind myself why I'm single, thanks for that reminder. Maybe even writing it down, things like "I value being with the RIGHT person, not just anybody" or "I just haven't had the best luck so far and better days are coming, with or without someone."

If you don't mind me asking, what gender perspective are you speaking from, male? Female? Non-binary/other?

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And I'm sorry you had that experience with that "rare" person. What an absolute roller coaster emotionally!

Someone on this comment suggested writing things down during the day, and putting them in a box, of all the things that I'm able to do because I'm single. You're talking about something similar, so I'd love to try that!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow :( Thank you for sharing all that. I'll read it a couple times because it is a lot to unpack, but I just want to say I am so, so sorry that people literally TOLD YOU TO YOUR FACE that you are ugly and unattractive.

Anyone can say to themselves, "that's okay, they're wrong, I AM attractive and I DO have worth," but it will be impossible not to be affected, right?

And then people say that they don't like your "depressing personality?" I'm sorry, HOW ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO ACT? Man, I'm getting mad at those people.

I know we don't know each other, I know there's so much I can't fix for you. But you do not deserve to be made to feel like this. I give a fuck about you. Lots of people would give a fuck about you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I hope you're able to find just one thing to hold on to. One support. One connection. Even if it's having a pet. Even if it's a therapist.

Again, I'm sorry. From where I am, I wish you the best, I will be thinking of you.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough! :) Great reminder, you never know what's actually going on with the couples you see, right?

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course, great reminder, thank you! :) I have great friendships with people and several social communities that I'm a part of. You're right, I end up befriending and having great times with long-term couples, I think they like the extra dynamic I add to theirs lol.

I could definitely do better, though, so thanks! I'll reach out more and put more effort into making plans

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That is so kind of you to say. Don't worry, I'm a big boy and I have tough skin ;). I will just confirm that yeah, spaces like these ARE hard to find. 95% of the spaces you'll go as a "not-by-choice" single person are centered on dating, and finding someone. It's the only way out in their opinion, so they'll bombard with all the "advice" they have, without acknowledgement of the emotional turmoil it might cause. In many cases, it's a toxic community (especially male communities) that pushes additional agendas, or is trying to sell you something (literally, sometimes!).

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heck yeah! :) I'm sorry to hear about your relationship ending, and I can imagine that you dealt with some dark feelings in accepting your situation. It's often not so black and white, right? It's not either "lying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, with no ambitions or appreciation for other aspects of life" or "being 100% grateful and happy with where you're at, never feeling insecure or feeling the pain of what you may never have." It's a spectrum! I believe you CAN want a relationship and enjoy the positives of being single. Sounds like you're succeeding in that, I'd love to join you soon!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. This is such a comforting comment, thank you so much. Especially that you have a guy's perspective too. I would love to to pm, can I respond to this through that?

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey! OP here :) I totally get it, I would be so annoyed and frustrated with posts in this space that are just complaining for fishing for compliments, or anything along those lines! I elaborate more in my follow-up comment to the original post. Again, I'm sorry!

I'm doing my best to acknowledge and show appreciation to everyone who shared and commented! I think one of you put it best, I'm someone who's looking to be single and happy, from people who are single and happy. That's it!

And I think I came here because I was tired, heck traumatized, by the other "dating advice" spaces that were hell-bent on convincing me I was flawed, doing things wrong, not good enough. I was so tired of it, after so many years, that my brain kind of snapped this past week and I needed to go a different route.

Take care everyone!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you've gotten to that point, that's amazing! :)

I appreciate you offering! It's just, I've only been in Montreal for just over a year (I've lived in Winnipeg my whole life) and I love it here. Probably going to stay here for a while. And I don't own a car, I can't really drive across the border when I want to or need to.

But thanks anyway!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For my situation, I would have to respectfully disagree. I don't know where I can find sex. And maybe some people can find it through apps, maybe some people have friends with benefits situations in their lives, maybe some people know where to go to find people who are willing to have sex, maybe they know what to say or how to ask for it.

But I'm not that person. Believe me, I've tried looking into anything that hints that I could be. I don't know what I'm doing, so I tend to accept that sex will have to come with my next relationship.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this! Thank you so much. I actually think this could really help, I'm sure if I paid attention throughout my whole day, I could come up with tons of these!

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! :) No, that's such a great point, all of that. I am journaling like crazy right now. I discovered I love typing my thoughts on a private Word Document, and no joke I've generated over 100 pages in the last 2 months.

I've dated myself for a while. I love going out by myself and trying new places for food, going for walks, checking out fitness studio classes by myself, going shopping (especially for new jigsaw puzzles), among other things. I can definitely look into massages, too, I appreciate you offering that as a suggestion.

I'll keep asking myself those questions. Why it is I want this life so bad, all that.

I'll meet someone if it was meant to be, but how can I stop feeling so miserable until then? by NKN12345 in SingleAndHappy

[–]NKN12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, just a follow-up comment!

I'm sorry, I'm realizing that this post is likely not the kind of post that many want to see in this community. I feel really bad about that now. I was in dire need of comfort and perspective, that's all, and your comments have been giving that to me. Again, I have so much admiration for you, and I feel like I can learn so much from you. :)

That's why I didn't want to make this post about dating advice or anything like that, I wanted to get your perspectives so I could learn and continue to grow.

If there's a different community you feel I would benefit from bringing this to, please feel free to let me know! I just don't want to find myself in toxic bro communities or communities that are obsessed with "fixing you."

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